The Girl's Got Secrets (Forbidden Men #7)(130)

She reached out and set her fingers over my mouth, hushing me. When I drew in a breath, she murmured, “It’s okay.”

When she lowered her hand, I sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth, trying to taste her touch.

God, I was lost for this woman.

Not sure what to say next, I blurted, “Did you know your roommate was...with both of them?”

Remy shuddered. “Unfortunately, yes.” Then she spotted her drink she’d sat down on the newel post at the top of the stairwell. Snatching it up, she took a quick sip and then eyed me warily. “Did you really just fight with them to keep me in the band?”

I suddenly wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, so I shoved them into my pockets.

“Well...” I heaved up one shoulder self-consciously. “It’s what you wanted most in the world, isn’t it?”

When she didn’t answer, I looked up into her face. Her eyes looked a little watery and uncertain, so I took a step closer and whispered her name.

“Damn it,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes closed. “Yes, it used to be what I wanted most in the world.”

My lips quirked up with satisfaction. “Used to be?” I asked.

When she bit her lip and nodded, I moved in even closer. Her breathing picked up, and my body stirred with need. “So what do you want the most now?” I asked.

Her lashes fluttered open and her chest heaved.

“Just say it,” I encouraged softly.

But she shook her head. “I...I can’t. I f*cked everything up.”

My chest swelled. “You sure about that?”

Tears filled her eyes. She whispered my name and reached for my chest, only to draw her hand back to herself after she’d barely touched me.

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “Because as much as I tried to regret everything and stay mad at you, I can’t.”

She hiccupped and then quickly pressed her fingers to her lips, her wide eyes watching me as if unable to believe what she was hearing.

So I kept talking. “I think I wanted to hate you because I felt so stupid. I should’ve—I just...I should’ve been able to figure it out.”

“No.” Swishing her head back and forth, she clutched my arm. “I deceived you at every turn, lied and tricked you so you couldn’t realize the truth. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. I—”

I set my fingers over her lips to hush her. “And yet it never seemed to matter if you were Sticks or Elisa, boy or girl, I still always wanted to be around you. I...” With a small, self-deprecating laugh, I looked up at the ceiling and said, “Do you know why I was able to take you home barely ten minutes after our first kiss without a single qualm of doubt, after I’d gone on and on to you more than once about wanting to get to know a woman first and actually start a relationship with her?”

Shame filled Remy’s eyes. “Yes. Because it’d been too long since you—”

“Hell, no,” I growled. “My libido doesn’t control me that much. I could’ve waited longer.”

She crinkled her brow, surprised...and yet confused. “Then—”

“It was because you felt so familiar.” I leaned forward and set my forehead against hers. “Like I did know you and you knew me; I just didn’t understand at the time that there was a reason for that. But I also hooked up with Elisa without needing to really talk to her because I was already getting the companion part of a relationship I was craving...from Sticks. Your alter ego fulfilled my emotional need, so the only thing left that I wanted was the intimacy, and then you delivered that too, so really...you gave me everything I wanted most. I just couldn’t figure out it was all coming from the same person.”

“Damn it,” she sniffed and wiped at her nose as more tears slid down her cheeks. “You’re going to forgive me, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am.” I smiled and cupped her face so I could wipe the tears off her cheeks with my thumbs.

She squeezed her eyes closed and bowed her head. “But I lied to you. I—”

“Stop,” I murmured softly before letting out a big sigh and rubbing my hands over her weary face. Then I watched more tears spill down her cheeks and could only shake my head.

Taking her fingers, I gently urged, “Please stop crying.”

She shook her head. “I can’t help it. I’ve cried pretty much this entire month since meeting you, and I never cry this much. How did you turn me into such a freaking watering pot?”

I shook my head. “I guess Nazareth really knew what it was talking about.”

Sniffing, she frowned at me before saying, “What? That Love Hurts?”

A smile bloomed across my face. “See. You got my music joke. I love that. I love that you get me. How the hell could I not forgive you?”

“Because I totally don’t deserve it,” she babbled, tears still falling down her cheeks. “I was so wrong.”

All I could do was shrug as I pulled her in for a hug and kissed her hair. “Who’s to say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your shoes? You told me how much you’d longed to be in a band and how no one ever gave you a chance. Honestly,” my lips quirked, “it was kind of ingenious how you managed it. And I was there to see how it snowballed into a bigger lie, so I know you didn’t do anything with any malicious intent. I know you never meant to hurt or trick or—”