The Fire Between High & Lo (Elements #2)(36)

I shook off the feeling, dried my hands, and returned to her.

She was getting dressed, wiping her eyes.

“You’re leaving?” I asked.

She nodded.

“You”—I cleared my throat— “You can stay the night.” I promised again. “I’m not some dick who would kick you out at three in the morning. Besides, it’s your motel room. I’ll leave.”

“I told my boyfriend I’d be home after I got back into town,” she said to me, a forced smile on her lips. Wearing only her bra and panties, she moved toward the balcony, opened the door, but didn’t step outside. It was a deluge, raindrops hammering against the metal cage. The rain always reminded me of Alyssa and how much she hated sleeping during a rainstorm. I wondered where her mind was tonight. I wondered how she was dealing with the sounds against her windowsill.

“I can’t sleep, Lo. Can you come over?”

Alyssa’s voice played like a recording in my mind, over and over again her sounds took voyage in my brain until I pushed her out.

Sadie combed her fingers through her long locks of hair. Her forced smile fell to a frown. “He probably isn’t home yet. I hated sleeping alone when I was single. And now that I’m in a relationship, I still feel alone.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad for you because you’re a cheater?” I asked.

“He doesn’t love me.”

“I can tell how much you love him, though,” I mocked.

“You don’t understand,” she defensively stated. “He’s controlling. He’s pushed everyone I ever cared about away from me. I used to be clean, like you are right now. I used to never f*ck with drugs until I ran into him. He trapped me, and now when he does come home, he’ll smell like a perfume that I don’t own. He’ll climb into bed and not even touch me once.”

Thoughts started running through my head that I knew were a bad idea.

Stay with me tonight.

Stay with me in the morning.

Stay with me.

Loneliness was the voice in the back of your head that made you make bad decisions based solely on a broken heart.

“Does it feel weird? Being back here?” she asked, changing the subject. Smart move. A slow turn of her body and we were staring into one another’s eyes again. A crimson color affected her cheeks and I swore I felt my heart break with the mere idea of her being alone.

“A little.”

“Did you see Kellan yet?”

“You know my brother?”

“He plays at open mics around town. He’s really good, too.” I didn’t know he’d been playing music again. She arched an eyebrow, curious. “Are you two close?”

“I’ve been in Iowa for five years and he’s been here in Wisconsin.”

She nodded in understanding.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, we’re close.”

“Best friends?”

“Only friend.”

“I’m really freakin’ shocked about your friendship with Alyssa not lasting. I thought you would’ve had her knocked up or something by now.”

There was a time when I thought that, too.

Stop talking about Alyssa. Stop thinking about Alyssa.

Maybe if I stayed the night tonight with Sadie, I wouldn’t let Alyssa fill my mind. Maybe if I fell asleep with her in my arms, I wouldn’t overthink being back in the same place where the one girl who I’d ever loved still resided. Stepping closer to Sadie, I brushed my hand over my chin. “Look you can—”

“I shouldn’t,” she sighed, cutting me off. She was strange. Our stare broke as she looked to the ground. “He’s never cheated on me. He’s… He loves me.” Her sudden confession made my mind race.

She was a liar.

She was a cheater.

She’s leaving.

“Just stay.” I requested, and sounded more desperate than I wanted to. “I’ll sleep on the couch.” It wasn’t exactly a couch, but more of a broken down futon that had more stains than cushion. To be honest I’d probably be more comfortable on the dirty carpeted floor. Or, I could’ve called Kellan and slept at his place.

But I wasn’t ready for that.

The moment I saw someone from my past—someone I actually remembered—I knew I’d fall back into the old world. The world I ran from. The world that almost killed me. I wasn’t ready. How could one be ready to look their past in the eye and pretend that all of the hurt and pain was gone?

She slipped into her dress and glanced over her left shoulder toward me. Eyes filled with compassionate sorrow. “Zip me?”

It only took three footsteps before I was standing behind her, zipping up her dress that hugged every curve of her body. My hands rested against her waist and she leaned back against me.

“Can you call me a cab?”

I could and I did. The moment she left, she thanked me, and told me that I could stay the night at the motel—she had already paid and it shouldn’t have gone to waste. I took her up on the offer, but I wasn’t sure why she thanked me. I didn’t do anything for her. If anything, I made her a cheater.

No.

A first time cheater probably felt some kind of guilt.

She just felt empty.

I hoped I never saw her again, because being around other empty individuals was draining.