The Fill-In Boyfriend(85)

I took the mic and cleared my throat. “Hello, everyone! Welcome to the last rally of the year! Who’s ready for summer?” Beside me, Daniel raised his hands in the air and gave a loud shout.

There was a collective roar from the audience but it too was followed by some more murmuring. It threw me off. My speech that I had practiced seconds ago was slipping away. My eyes shot around the gym and landed on Claire. Hers was the safe face I had always searched for in the crowd on the few times I’d lost my composure. It wasn’t a safe face today and only made the rest of my speech leave my brain.

“I’m sorry,” I heard my voice echo through the gym. Daniel let out a surprise grunt from beside me. I hadn’t meant to say it out loud but I had so I kept going. “I made a mistake. No, I won’t be vague like that. I’ll own up to it. I lied. I’ve been lying to my friends for the past month or so. Over something I didn’t need to. Mainly because I didn’t trust that my friends would still be my friends if I told the truth. And also because I was very self-absorbed and wasn’t thinking beyond my own problems. What’s wrong with me?”

It was a rhetorical question but someone from the audience yelled, “Nothing. You’re still hot.” Laughter bounced off the walls with that comment.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, thanks. That didn’t really help. My point is I messed up. And Claire, Laney, Jules, I’m sorry. And actually, anyone else who heard about it and was disappointed in me, I’m sorry to you too. I’m trying to be better. I want to be better.”

During my speech I had looked around, took in the room, delivered a message, but now my eyes sought out Claire again. I bit the inside of my cheek when I saw the cold look still on her face.

“I’m sorry.” I handed the microphone to Daniel. “Save this rally,” I whispered. “Get them excited for sober grad.”

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say.” His expression registered panic.

“Just be fun. You always are.”

The panic left his face with that comment. “I am, aren’t I?”

I smiled, squeezed his arm, and left to the sounds of Daniel chanting, “Sober grad” over and over.




Marcus and his band were good, really good, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. Most of the students that had come to sober grad night were dancing and attempting to sing along with the songs they’d never heard before. And considering none of them was drunk—the whole point of sober grad night—that had to mean the band was bringing them to this state of entertained. I gave Marcus a thumbs-up when he met my eyes. He seemed to laugh a little, like that wasn’t the correct way to express my approval. There was some sort of “rock on” sign but I had no idea what it was. That was probably what I was supposed to use.

I scanned the crowd again. Things felt different tonight. Normally people were saying hi or talking to me, trying to catch my eye. Tonight eyes drifted past mine without thought or interest. Things had shifted. It didn’t sting as much as I thought it would. I didn’t deserve to be noticed any more than anyone else, especially because I rarely tried to notice people back. I was still working on being better about that.

There was a group that was getting a lot of notice. I hadn’t thought Claire, Laney, and Jules would come, not after their reaction to my public apology. Dirty looks during the rally had been followed by complete radio silence since, but they had come. It wasn’t to make up with me, though, because they’d pointedly ignored me all night. And they were surrounded by people.

My boyfriend had his own graduation party tonight, and his sister, my only friend at the present time, was only a junior. So that’s how I came to be all alone at an event I’d spent the last few months of my senior year organizing. But I was okay with that.

I’d graduated after thirteen years in public school. I’d probably be remembered, but I hoped I’d spend the next thirteen years of my life on something I could be remembered for.

“Hey, Gia.” A deep voice called me out of my thoughts.

I smiled. “Blake, the ice cream man. Happy graduation.”

“You too. This is a great party.”

“Thanks. I had a lot of help.”

The music stopped playing and Marcus said into the microphone, “The band is going to take a five-minute break. We’ll play some prerecorded music.”

Soon Marcus had set aside his guitar and was heading our way. I thought he was going to ask me about food or something but he just stopped in front of me and nodded. “Good crowd.”