The Casanova (The Miles High Club #3)(106)

“Well, what’s your thought process?” Tristan asks.

“I haven’t slept. All night I’ve been going over different scenarios.”

“Such as?”

“What if Harriet is the woman I’m supposed to be with? I’ve known from day one that I saw her painting that she was special. I’ve adored the ballerina from afar and to find out they are the same person is . . .” I pause as I try to articulate my words. “Mind-blowing.”

They all listen intently.

“But then there’s Kathryn. We hated each other for so long. I was never attracted to her. One day it was like a lightbulb went off and I could think of nothing else.” I take a depressing sip of my beer. “She is . . .” I pause. “Just so beautiful.”

Jameson frowns. “You’re the happiest I’ve seen you in a very long time.”

“I am. Since Kate and I got together, we’ve spent almost every night together.”

“Every night?” Christopher frowns. “Like virtually every single night?”

“Yep, I can’t stand the thought of her going back to her house for even one night.”

Tristan holds his forehead as he leans his elbow on the table. “You’re completely fucked.”

“Well, what are you going to do?” Jameson asks. “What are the options?”

“I can stay with Kate and always have regrets and wonder, what if.”

They all wince.

“Or I go to Harriet and try with her, and leave Kate.”

“Can you just leave Kate?” Christopher asks.

“I don’t know.” I sigh sadly. “I know that if I leave Kate now I’ve been the biggest fucking asshole in all of history.”

They all listen.

“I haven’t played games. I’ve been completely myself and haven’t held back at all.”

They all wince again.

“This is why I’m never falling in love,” Christopher snaps. “No way in hell am I giving my balls on a platter to a woman.”

Tristan rolls his eyes. “That statement right there is why you aren’t in a relationship. When you love someone, you give them your heart, not your fucking balls, you dipshit.”

Christopher sips his beer. “My wife will be getting my balls, straight down her throat.”

We all chuckle as we take a drink and then we fall silent.

“So . . . what now?” Jay asks.

“I feel like Harriet is destined. I know you all don’t believe in fate. But I do, I always have.”

“Look, I never believed in fate. I always thought that I would meet some beautiful young woman and it would be easy,” Tristan says.

I listen intently.

“And then I met Claire, and everything I thought I wanted went out the window. Her kids hated me and I had to fight tooth and nail to convince her to love me. Never in a million years did I ever imagine my life as it is now. But I honestly believe I am where I’m meant to be. Claire and those kids were meant for me, and the bigger picture of my destiny was already mapped out. They were my family long before I even met them; perhaps before they were even born it was decided that they would end up being mine.”

I exhale, more confused, and I turn to Jay. “What about you?”

“Well.” He shrugs. “I thought Claudia was the love of my life.” He sips his beer. “Turns out she was just keeping me company until Emily came along. Trust me, she isn’t who or what I thought I would end up with either.”

“Would you change it?”

“Not for anything in the world.”

I turn my attention to Christopher.

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Don’t look at me, I’m going undercover to meet my wife. I don’t want no socialite.”

“What?” We all frown.

“One of these days I’m taking a gap year,” Christopher says.

“What does that even mean?” Jameson says.

“I’m going to hand over my credit cards, resign, and grow a beard,” he continues. “Go backpacking for twelve months. A do-over of sorts. I’m going to come back with someone who loves me for me.”

We all burst out laughing.

“You,” I scoff. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. You in a backpacker resort?”

We laugh harder, imagining him there with the ferals and bedbugs. Christopher is accustomed to luxury; he’d die without it.

Jameson’s attention comes back to me. “What are you going to do?”

“I know I can’t live my life with regrets or wondering what if.” I sigh.

“So, you’re going to go to Paris?” Christopher frowns. “Just like that?”

I stay silent, unsure.

“You’re stupid if you fuck this up with Kate,” he snaps. “That she likes you is unbelievable, the fact that she loves you is a fucking miracle.”

My eyes rise to meet his.

“You have something special with her; grab onto it with both hands and don’t let go.”

“Agreed,” Tristan says.

“I think you need to go to Paris.” Jameson sighs. “You need to know, once and for all. Are you really going to live your life wondering what if? Is that fair to Kate to start a relationship with this already hanging over your head?”