That One Moment (Lost in London #2)(67)

“You don’t have to walk me home, Hayden,” she croaks under the dark streetlight.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snap with exasperation as we walk at a quickening pace down the sidewalk.

“I’m not being ridiculous. I’m perfectly capable of walking my own arse back to my own flat. I don’t need you.”

My hand shoots out and wraps around her elbow, bringing her to a halt so swiftly that she stumbles into my chest. “What are you doing?”

She refuses to look up at me even though we’re pressed tightly together. “I’m just reading the writing on the wall.”

“Stop,” I demand and force her chin up so she looks at me. The hurt and confusion and pain swimming in her glossy eyes crushes me. My anger melts to heartache. “Vi, stop,” I beg.

She shakes her head. “No. You hurt me tonight. I was on cloud nine with you until Rey showed up. You wouldn’t even hold my hand! Are you still in love with her?”

“No, don’t be daft,” I scoff, looking away to hide my irritation, but refusing to let Vi go.

“Well, who am I to be jealous of then? Am I jealous of Rey or am I jealous of Leslie? I can’t keep up! I’m sure Julie would be in line for a quick shag if the mood struck you!”

I swirl her around and press her up against the nearest flat surface, both hands braced on the stone wall on either side of her head, caging her in so she remains in front of me. “This is complete shit and you know it, Vi. You know me. You know me better than anyone!”

“I thought I did. But that was before you chose to run off and confide in Leslie instead of me! That shit hurt, Hayden. How on earth do you think that makes me feel? Are you in love with your brother’s fiancé?” she snaps meanly.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I growl, clenching my fists in anger.

“Then why can’t you talk to me?” her voice rises to a pitch that jolts me.

“I can’t tell you these things,” I grind out through clenched teeth, slamming my eyes shut in utter fear.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to scare you away!” I bark and look at her finally. Her jaw actually closes and her defiance morphs into a simpler, moody scowl. “Everything is different with you, Vi. The stakes are higher.”

Her jaw shifts as she absorbs my outburst, but I can tell it’s not enough. Her eyes narrow in willful determination. “I need to understand your relationship with Leslie more, Hayden. It hurts me to see you confide in her over me!” she exclaims.

“She stopped the blood!” I roar, billowing over top of my last shred of self-control. “The blood wasn’t just coming from my wrists, Vi. It was coming from my heart and my soul. I hurt everywhere, but Leslie was the one to put pressure on the wound and make it stop. She made it all stop.” Shocked at what I’ve just revealed, my hand grips Vi’s hip as a painful emotion bubbles up from somewhere deep and dark inside of me. “Leslie held my head in her lap and my life in her hands. That is something a person can never forget.”

Tears slide down Vi’s face and my own screws up in pain over what I keep doing to her. God, I keep making her cry…over and f*cking over again. But I need her to understand. I need her to keep looking at me. I take my hands and cup her cheeks, wiping away the tears as if that act alone can wipe away her pain.

“I will always have a certain attachment to Leslie. She helped me understand reality. She saw into my soul that night so long ago. A place that I didn’t think anyone else could see…until you.” I look down to try and stifle the fear ripping through my body.

Vi inhales a shaky breath and her head nods in my hands, forcing me to look up in shock at her approval. “I’m sorry, Hayden,” she croaks, her voice thick with emotion. “I can’t understand something like that, but I’ll try. That’s all I can do. I just wish…I wish I could have been there for you.”

I exhale with relief and lift her chin with a gentle nudge of my knuckle. “You have no idea how much I wish the same thing. I’m the one who should be sorry. As much as I’ve shared with you, I struggle to share things that I still don’t fully understand myself.”

She nods woodenly.

“But the thing is,” I start, dropping a needful kiss to her forehead before pressing my own to hers, “I thought I already knew the reason why I was grateful that I hadn’t erased my life forever that night…until you. You, Vi…you make me want to fight even harder to be the man I want to be.”

Her taut, emotional expression softens into a look of lust and desire. She grabs my neck and pulls me down to her lips. The relief. The absolute, ecstasy-encompassing relief I feel with her mouth on mine and the understanding that one simple act proves to my heart right now…is life-changing.

“Take me home,” she whimpers against my lips, sliding her hands down to grip my biceps in her small grasp. “Take me home and show me how strong you are.”

I release a husky laugh against her lips. It’s a laugh that makes everything inside of me lunge for her. Even with all this drama, all this f*cked up confusion, she still doesn’t see me as broken. She’s just a woman who wants me to f*ck her senseless right here. We’re still us…whatever we are. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking, Bunny?” I grin wickedly down at her, thinking about everything I could to do to her.