That One Moment (Lost in London #2)(66)

“Oh, excuse me for being a friend!” she snaps.

“You and I aren’t friends anymore, Rey.” I set my can down and cross my arms, mirroring her subliminal shield of armour.

“Not by my choice!” she shouts. “I miss you, Hayden!”

“Oh please,” I laugh with shock. “You wouldn’t even be talking to me if Liam was here and you know it. If he were here, he’d be sulking in the corner watching us like a hawk.”

“Knock it off. Liam isn’t like that. He understands what you and I are.”

“You and I were a f*cking mess, Rey. Were. Don’t build us up to be more than we were.”

Her eyes narrow with barely contained fury. “We were best friends, Hayden,” she says in slow, warning tones.

“You made me weak, Rey!” I roar, feeling like for the first time I’ve finally pegged exactly what Reyna Miracle was to me all those years. “You made me fragile. And you bring me right back to the sod all mess I was all those years ago and I don’t f*cking want it.” Her jaw drops in shock, only infuriating me more. “We were never best friends. You said it yourself on that park bench. We know nothing about each other, so you can’t possibly throw that card at me now.”

Her grey eyes well with tears. I flinch, “Fuck, Rey. I’m sorry. I’m not blaming you for everything, especially not for what I did to myself. It was my own fault. I just need you to understand that you cannot have a say in my life anymore. And you cannot use our past against me.”

She swipes hastily at her eyes, and I have to fight every urge in my body that wants to go to her and comfort her…rub that spot on her neck that I know soothes her almost instantly. It’s a reflex with Rey. Comforting her. She craves my comfort like a crutch and I let her use me that way for so many years. Maybe we both have addictions to fight?

She sets her jaw angrily and turns, storming out of the kitchen. When I watch her leave, I find Vi and Leslie standing in the entryway staring at the scene that just transpired. Both their jaws are dropped.

Fuck.

Anger pulses through me at the fact that Rey can go off on me like that and then act all wounded when I get real with her. I stride over and motion for Leslie to follow me. I can’t even bring myself to look at Vi right now.

“Hayden, what the f*ck?” Leslie says, following me out the front door and into the gated patio area on the face of the house. It’s completely shrouded in ivy, similar to how my heart is shrouded in shame.

“Fuck, Leslie. I don’t know what to bloody do!” I exclaim with a forced whisper so no one can hear me. “My mind is spinning and I’m a f*cking mess. A lot of what Rey said was true. I was going to focus on myself, yet here I am acting like a normal f*cking bloke with a new girlfriend!”

“You are a normal bloke, Hayden!” Leslie cries. “Don’t let Rey’s insecurities tell you otherwise. She has her own demons to fight.”

“I swore I’d never let anyone become number one over me again. I gave Rey so much power over my moods and my heart. Now I’m doing the same damn thing with Vi!” I shove my hands forcibly through my hair. All of this is too much too soon. How did I let Vi get so close so fast?

“Stop. Right now. Stop everything.” Leslie sticks out her hands like she’s trying to calm a wild beast. “You’re letting Rey get in your head. You don’t need her there. She’s a trigger for you. Don’t let her make you crumble. Don’t give her that power.”

I nod, seriously absorbing everything Leslie is saying, but feeling a pit of despair in the bottom of my stomach like I could be screwing everything up for myself again.

“Hayden. You deserve to be happy,” Leslie adds. “It’s been a year.”

“Right!” I whisper scream, my voice bordering on a manly shriek. “It’s been a year. You’ve seen me through it. I’m a completely different person than I was fresh out of rehab. Aren’t I?” I grip my leather cuffs and ache for the pressure thundering through every part of my body to dampen. I want this to be true. I need it to be.

“You are different, Hayden. Calm down,” she says soothingly.

“Fuck. I just wanted a normal night out.” I crouch over a chair and drop my head down to my chest. “I’m so tired of feeling broken.”

“You’re not broken. You’re changing. Change is hard. But from the looks of it, you’re making all the right changes! That’s what matters.”

I nod silently to myself. I am doing this properly. I can’t let Rey rattle my confidence. Vi and I are taking things slow. We’re not rushing into anything. We’re not saying “I love you.” We’re just together. Meeting friends. That sort of thing. Nothing major…

…even though there’s a heaviness in my heart that’s screaming at me to stop ignoring it.

A sensation that I’ve never felt before…even with Rey.




The car ride back to Theo and Leslie’s is quiet and charged with tension and unspoken words. Vi has hardly looked at me or touched me since Rey’s hasty departure. I know she’s probably angry about how I treated her all evening, but surely she can see why I acted as I did. She’s got to understand that all of this is still difficult for me.

She offers polite goodbyes and I begin walking her back to her flat.