Teaching Aleck (The Last Hangman MC #2)(20)

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Being sorry won’t bring her back or fix things. I’m not the guy you need or want, Charline. I’m not the type of guy you are going to bring home to mom and dad. I’m the guy you get freaky in the sheets with and that’s it. That’s all I’m willing to give. I don’t want to get hurt again. You’re the one who would hurt and crush me the most. I don’t want to hurt you either, because I know I will, in the end. I couldn’t forgive myself.”

“Thanks for making the decision for me and not giving me the choice. Love might not come easily to you, but you are running as far as you possibly can from it without giving us a try, without giving me a try, but I understand Aleck, you are a self-centered bastard who’s going to wake up one day when you’re older and wonder what you did with your life, why you let so many opportunities go. I hope for your sake, that you will have by then overcome your fear of commitment and love. I don’t want you to be alone, I don’t want you to be sad when you’re older Aleck. You deserve so much better. I don’t know your sister, obviously, but she is right. You are worth it. You are worth all the happiness in the world, it’s only you that can’t see it.” She shocks me into silence. Never in my life have I felt like such an *.

“I’ll always have the club and my brothers.” I don’t want to admit that she’s right, and that what she said has scared the shit out of me.

“Yes, you will, but they won’t be there for you through the good and bad times that only a lover can help you get through. Allow yourself to be happy, Aleck,” she says softly, kissing my cheek.

I want nothing more than to kiss and f*ck her, but I can’t. “I should go.” I kiss her forehead and head out the door. I need air and distance between us. I want her just as much as I need to be far away from her. The effect she has on me is unnerving.





CHAPTER 9



Charline

Aleck just left and I’m still flabbergasted. I wasn’t expecting this. I thought it would be a case of a girl he dated broke his heart and that’s about it. Not what he told me, I can’t believe parents would deny their kids love, the love they need and deserve. Why have kids if you’re not going to love and nurture them? I don’t understand some people, they need a slap on the back of their head…with a baseball bat!

His sister’s story is heartbreaking. Having to take your own life in fear of what the man who supposedly loves you might do to you, it’s just horrifying. I can’t even begin to imagine what they both have been through.

I’m lucky that I had the love of my parents and still do. Even if I don’t see them as often as I should, we still talk on a weekly basis and I visit whenever I can. I can’t imagine not having your parents through some of the roughest times in your life.

I now understand why he’s so secretive. He does have the club, but it’s not the same and never will be the same. It’s his version of a family.

I finally understand that nothing will ever happen between Aleck and I, and it hurts…so much, but I’m not one to cry over a man. Sure, I cry when I’m upset, but I’m done shedding tears for a man who will never be able to feel for me what I feel for him. I need to move on. A part of me wants to hold onto those feelings and help him open his eyes, the other part is just like ‘f*ck it! No man is worth wasting your time or chasing after him’. I want nothing more than to listen to the part willing to give him a chance and wait for him, but I just can’t sit around waiting for him to make up his mind.

I head to the kitchen, get another beer and go upstairs after making sure everything is locked up and the alarm is on. I take a long drink and set it on the bathroom counter before going to take a shower.

I can’t believe the mess I’m finding myself in. My life was normal, borderline boring before I moved back here. I liked how things were, easy and less stressful. Now, I find myself in this mess with Aleck, well I let myself get into this mess by following those feelings I had when I was a kid.

Things rarely go the way you want them to, and when they do, it always comes back to bite you on the ass.

I get out of the shower and pat myself dry, put on a new pair of pajamas and head back downstairs to get some mac and cheese ready, and a chocolate mud cake. Might not be the Christmas Eve celebration I had planned, but chocolate makes everything better.

I spend the biggest part of the evening eating, watching Christmas movies on TV and looking through old pictures of Ayd, myself, Aleck and Ant. I can’t say I was as close to them as Ayd, but we were a tight knit group. I miss those times, when the only thing I had to worry about was getting good grades in school.

After spending the lamest Christmas Eve ever, all by myself, I decide to go to bed early and forget this evening. Tomorrow will be better. I hope so anyway…

******

January 25, 2014

Things have been fairly quiet and boring. I’ve been trying to get into a routine, but not starting work until August sucks big time. The teaching I was replacing came back, so I’m jobless until the new school year starts. I’ve been hanging out with Ayden most of the time, when she’s not working at her mom’s bakery. She’s starting to show a little. It’s so cute. She’s just so beautiful with that pregnant woman glow.

We’ve been doing a lot of decorating in the nursery to make it all perfect for when her little angel comes into this world. It’s been a lot of fun to get it all decked out. We might have gone a bit overboard with everything, well according to Ant anyway; he kicked up a storm when he saw the amount of things we bought for the kid. We just couldn’t resist. I’m as guilty as Ayden on this. Especially, considering that she’s not due until August.