THE TROUBLE WITH PAPER PLANES(67)

She stared down at our hands, and I could tell she was trying.

“These hallucinations, or visions or whatever it is you’ve been having – maybe it’s not sleep deprivation? Maybe it’s something to do with your memory coming back? Maybe being here with me is helping you remember.”

I was floundering, but it seemed as if it could be possible. If she was Em, it made sense, in lots of ways. But I didn’t want her to think that was the only explanation. What if I was wrong? What if she wasn’t Em? What if she was just some girl who looked a lot like Em, but with a family of her own out there, looking for her, just like we were looking for Em?

“What if I’m not her?” she asked, reading my mind as she looked up at me through amber-coloured eyes. “What if I’m someone else?”

“You’re you,” I said firmly. “And whoever that is, it’s you I want – this version of you, the one that’s sitting here, with me, right now. I’m just trying to make some kind of sense of this, that’s all.”

“Don’t you think I’ve been trying to do that, all this time?” she pleaded. “I want to know who I am. I want to know where I was born, whether or not I have family out there. But if that means losing you, then –“

“Hey – you’re not losing me, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know how much you love her. If we somehow find out that I’m not her, where does that leave us?”

Oh God. My head felt like it was splitting open. I reached over to cup her cheek in my hand.

“It leaves us right here, right where we are now. Together. You and me. Nothing’s gonna change, I promise.” I smoothed away a stray tear from her cheek with my thumb. “I love you – you, whoever you are and wherever you’re from and whatever your name is.”

Those hauntingly beautiful eyes shone in the moonlight. “I love you, too.”

It was the first time we’d both said it. It should have been momentous, but it felt more like a check-box.

There. Done.

Because we didn’t need to say it, not really. I think, deep down, we both just knew.

“Please,” she said. “Don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want anyone to know, not yet.”

I didn’t even think twice about promising her that. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up until we could find out for sure. If we could find out. I wasn’t even sure that was possible, but we had to try.

I’d been right, and so had Bridget. She was lost, but she’d also lost someone. She’d lost everyone – even herself.





YOUR BODY IS GOVERNED by rules. What it needs, when it needs it. If you ignore the rules, you pay the price. But there are times when your body ceases to follow the rules. For example, when you first fall in love. The endorphins rushing through your bloodstream can keep you going for days. It’s a natural high, one of the most pleasurable things you can experience. Sleep is irrelevant, a luxury. Food seems superfluous, your appetite dries up. Your body ignores the rules and sustains itself, for a time at least.


It was a similar phenomenon when I was surfing, when the waves were particularly great, when your mind and body seem alert and working in perfect harmony. But nothing beats the feeling of falling in love.

I should be exhausted. After staying up half the night with Maia, I could count the number of hours sleep I got last night on one hand. Between the scene at Bridget’s and Maia’s revelation afterwards, there was no way on God’s green earth that I should be feeling this good. And yet I was.

Part of me felt guilty. I should be worried about how Bridget was doing. And I was, but probably not nearly as much as I should’ve been. What occupied my thoughts now – and what had been all day – was Maia.

Could it be possible that she really was Emily? Could I be that lucky? We didn’t know for sure, but to me at least, it seemed a very real likelihood. There were a lot of similarities, now that I thought back on it. They seemed like small things, but isn’t that what it boiled down to? Who were we but a series of preferences? Likes and dislikes, big things and small. I hadn’t mentioned any of this to Maia because I didn’t want to freak her out. I could tell that she was reluctant to get her hopes up, but I could also tell that she wanted answers.

If she was Emily, that meant I got to keep her – forever this time.

If she wasn’t, then we had another voyage of discovery to embark upon. She must have family out there, friends, people who were looking for her. Perhaps I could help her discover the missing pieces of her past. If we couldn’t have a happy ending with Em, maybe I could help Maia get hers. She sure as hell deserved one.