Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4)(45)

THIS was f*cking Axel Carillo! I could BE Axel f*cking Carillo!

Aliyana’s mouth dropped open at my question and her face drained of blood. I stepped one step closer, and she stepped one step back. My top lip curled in sick humor. I almost could smell her fear from all the way over here.

“What’s wrong, little girl? You scared?” I said in a low, graveled voice, my eyes narrowing. “You scared of me?”

Aliyana inhaled a terrified breath, her hand lifted to stroke the hair back from her face, and for one moment, at that simple action, I could tell she was really scared… and, for that one damn moment, my anger seemed to f*cking fade to vapor.

Part of me really didn’t want this chick to fear me. But remembering that blond prick kissing her lips, and the f*cking repulsion in her eyes on finding out her precious Elpidio was really the black sheep Carillo, had me right back to incensed.

I didn’t need none of them. I’d survived this long on my own. I could do it again. I could do it all on my f*cking own.

Seeming to pluck up courage from somewhere, Aliyana walked forward, her face nervous. “Elpi, please…”

And that did it. Her breathy plea using that f*cking false name ruined me. She knew who I really was, but she still couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Axel Carillo.

Axel. Carillo.

I’M AXEL FUCKING CARILLO!

Storming forward, I fought hard to loosen my constricting chest at how f*cking good she looked. I wanted her gone. Fucking gone from my life and not torturing me by standing here in my studio… in my f*cking personal space, after she’d done everything but spit in my face back at the game.

Pounding forward, Aliyana backed up, the heels of her cowboy boots clicking on the floor until her back hit the wall. Slamming my hands over her head, I caged her in, those huge doe eyes nearly destroying me.

“Why’re you here?” I demanded. Even to me my voice sounded lethal.

“Elpi… you’ve been drinking,” she said, clearly smelling my breath. But I froze, not because she’d figured I’d just inhaled a fifth of Jim Beam, but because she’d just called me that f*cking name again!

“I’m not f*cking ELPI!” I roared, Aliyana flinching below me. “My name’s AXEL. A-X-E-L! FUCKING AXEL CARILLO!”

Aliyana’s breath quickened as I roared. I expected her run. I wanted her to run in fear. Fear the f*cked up Axel Carillo from the Heighters… just like every f*cker else did.

But instead, as my livid eyes bored into hers, she lifted her trembling hand and nervously placed it on my chest, right over where my heart was f*cking racing.

I was dumbstruck… I could deal with her fear, with her running scared... even with her screams, I was used to causing fear in people. But what I couldn’t handle, what I couldn’t f*cking take was her affection at a moment like this… couldn’t take the damn understanding in her tearful dark eyes.

Swallowing hard, I hissed as her hot palm cut through the material of my shirt and a pink flush colored her perfect cheeks.

“Axel…” she whispered, her accent clear and strong, “Axel Carillo…”

No… NO! NO! She couldn’t do this to me.

She couldn’t give me hope… I really couldn’t deal with motherf*cking hope… anything but hope…

Staggering back as though I’d been burned, I drunkenly stumbled over the text boards on the floor. Aliyana followed me, her eyes never moving from mine. Unable to keep looking at her sad face, I turned, then froze… I had no-f*cking-where else to go.

A hand pressed against my back, then I heard a short sharp inhale. Tensing at Aliyana’s gasp, I closed my eyes and braced for her to tell me that she was done. That she was leaving and never coming back. That she was gonna tell my brothers what I’d been doing. But that’s what I wanted, right? Her gone and outta my life? I asked myself, knowing that the truth to that answer was a huge f*cking NO.

“Axel…” Aliyana said on a pained sigh, her hand leaving my skin. It felt like I’d lost all warmth as that hand was removed.

Turning slowly, I saw Aliyana at my workstation. Her attention was on the bottles of liquor lined up… but then my stomach dropped when I saw it wasn’t what’d caught her attention.

The lines of coke…

Standing stock still, I waited for her to look at me, and when she did, there was nothing but pained disappointment in her expression.

I’d never felt so much like Italian trash as I did at that moment. I looked exactly like the man she thought I was. A f*cking junkie loser.

“Axel…” she whispered sadly, “what have you done?”

As I watched her eyes brimming with tears, I shook my head, and stumbled toward the other end of the studio near my bed. But as I tried to get some damn distance, the tight grip of her hand on my arm spun me around.

I was done.

Done with it all.

“What?” I shouted, ripping my arm free.

Aliyana swallowed back her apprehension and stepped toward me, her jasmine scent immediately filling my lungs.

“Have you taken it?” she asked me quietly, pointing at the lines of snow.

Flames ran in my veins and I bent down, to growl, “Why the f*ck do you care? Why the f*ck are you even here, Ally Prince? Just f*ck off back to your preppy douche friends and your blond shit of a cheap lay. ‘Cause that seems to be your thing right? Fucking guy after guy? Wasn’t but last night I was all up in your wet cunt, then you let the Redskin’s QB get all up in that * not yet twelve hours later!”