Sweet Forty-Two(27)

CJ didn’t respond. There was no attack, no smart-ass comment. He simply sat in silence. We all did.

After cleaning up from lunch, I tracked CJ down outside in the sand. His feet were buried as his forearms were propped up on his bent knees. I sat next to him, mimicking his position and staring out into the water until he was ready to talk.

“It’s not like that with her. Georgia...” He let his head fall, staring between his knees.

“Like what?”

“She’s not ... just she’s not like that.” CJ’s hands bounced, as he seemed to search for words that weren’t coming.

“I’m not worried, CJ. You said you two hung out a lot in high school, and whatever—”

“I’m worried. Her dad died.”

“Yeah, she told me. And her mom...” I sighed. There was so much loss everywhere.

CJ’s back straightened. “She told you about her mom?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “gone, too.”

“Oh,” CJ looked at his knuckles, “yeah. Now they’re both gone.”

“When did her mom die?”

CJ shook his head. “It was all just really bad...”

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and he didn’t move. He didn’t pull away. Even though I’m not his brother, I suddenly felt extreme guilt for not being around for him during the time I’d gone away to boarding school and then to college. It seems a lot happened in the two years CJ had left of high school while I was at the conservatory.

“Just keep an eye on her for me, okay? She’s been through a lot, and I didn’t even know about her dad until last night.” CJ’s face broke down a little as he covered his face with his hands.

I hadn’t seen him cry since the last time I kicked his ass when I was twelve and he was ten, so I wasn’t absolutely sure that’s what he was doing. Still, I gave his shoulder another squeeze just in case.

“I don’t really have much stuff.” I broke the stiff silence. “Do you want to swing by the place and check it out with me?”

CJ rubbed the back of his neck. “Sure, is she gonna be there?”

I shrugged. “Not sure. She said she had something to do north of La Jolla today. She didn’t say what.”

“Let’s go, then. I want to have time today to play around in that recording studio where you lucky bastards get to spend the next few months.”

I stood, reaching a hand down to help CJ up. “Let’s go, brother.”





“Now this ... this is a view!” CJ pressed his forehead ... and his palms against my once-clean picture window.

“Yes, and forevermore I’ll gaze at your greasy forehead print at sunset, wishing you were here.” I slapped the back of his head and handed him window cleaner and paper towels I’d picked up at the grocery store on our way over.

It only took us one trip to get all of my things from Bo and Ember’s place over to my new apartment. There was a futon and a dresser left in the apartment, so I moved them to my bedroom, vowing to pick up some other furniture later in the week.

“I’m gonna miss you.” CJ tossed the used paper towels into my still unlined trashcan and walked toward me with his hands in his pockets.

I raised a cautionary eyebrow. “Like miss me, miss me? Or, get ready for one of CJ’s smart-ass jokes, miss me?”

He laughed. A full laugh that stripped away his punk exterior. “No, I mean really miss you. You just came back last summer, then everything with Rae...” He pulled one hand out of his pocket and rubbed it along the back of his neck.

He didn’t bring Rae up often. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was emotionally stunted, or because he was unsure how to handle the conversation. The way his eyes never left my face, though, suggested the latter.

“It’s okay, man. It gets better everyday.” I sighed, resting my back against the expansive living room wall.

CJ shouldered up next to me. “No, it doesn’t.”

I turned to look at him, and found him staring at me with a look on his face as dry as scotch. “I...”

“Just because you find better ways to deal with it, doesn’t mean it gets better.”

As his words worked a perfect circle into my gut, I slid down the wall. “You’re right. Nothing is better. Easier some days? Maybe. But nothing can possibly ever be better.”

CJ followed my lead and sat next to me, knees bent, hands clasped between them.

“I’m sorry, man ... I might not believe in love for myself, but you two definitely loved each other.”

“We did.” Tears infiltrated my eyes as the unsettling tingling returned to my hands.

“Don’t be ashamed to talk to someone. Anyone.”

I whipped my head in his direction and softly chuckled. “What did you just say? Did you just give me mental health advice?”

He started to answer, but I cut him off. “Nah, you’re right, I think. Maybe. No, you’re definitely right. I almost kissed Georgia today, for f*ck’s sake.”

“You what?” CJ’s eye’s widened, and if his voice had eyes, they would have widened too.

Burying my face in my hands, I groaned. “Dumbest move ever, right? This girl I barely know offers me this incredible apartment on the cheap and I try to make a move?”