Sweet Fall (Sweet Home #2)(88)

My eyes narrowed at her over-the-top emotional outburst, but I kept silent. My momma’s eyes, however, were unnaturally wide as she stared at me, water glistening. My daddy, stoic as ever, clutched her hand tightly.

“Lexington. You’re being sectioned. You’re not getting any better, despite our best efforts.”

I could see Dr. Lund’s mouth moving, lips tight. Strangely, the words seemed to pour from his mouth and sail out of the window behind him. I smiled as I watched the letters of his sentence dance in vivid primary colors and make their escape into the bright-blue summer sky, floating gently away on the light breeze.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Lexi!” my daddy shouted, causing me to jump. He let go of Momma’s hand and crouched before me, grasping my hands. His fingers began to caress every inch of my all-too-slender fingers and my bony knuckles. Daddy’s watery eyes flickered down to our joined hands. A single teardrop splashed on the ceramic white tiles at my feet. For a moment, my stomach flipped as I looked at my daddy, so broken, but the voice in my brain drowned out the solitary crotchet of compassion fighting to be heard.

The voice cooed, Ah-ah-ahhh, Lexington. Do not give in to your emotions. They make you weak. Remember, he is trying to get you to fail. They all are. You must not let them. Think of how far you have come. Stay strong. Only a few more pounds and you will be perfect. Together, we shall make you perfect… perfect.

My shoulders straightened in defiance, and I wrenched my hands away. Daddy slumped to his knees in abject defeat.

The voice was right. They were all trying to block the path to my goal.

“Lexington, we are losing you. Can’t you see that?” he whispered, moving back to sit next to Momma, retaking her hand in his. “Please… come back to us, sweetheart. You’re all we have. You’re our world. Our whole world. This… this… disease has overwhelmed you. Fight it, sweetheart. Fight it with everything you have,” he begged, his head dipping down yet again.

Dr. Lund cleared his throat. “Lexington Hart, anorexia nervosa will kill you. You are severely malnourished and you have been for far too long. I will be frank with you, since you continue to refuse to comply with any intervention and you are blatantly ignoring all our concerns.”

I watched through the large window as a dove soared in the sky outside, only to swoop in and land on the window ledge of Dr. Lund’s room. Its black eyes darted around the office before stopping to focus on me. Its head tipped to the side as if enquiring what was wrong.

“If you don’t get a handle on this soon, we are talking a matter of months before your body will cease to function.” Dr. Lund continued, but I stayed focused on the dove. It was white, pure… beautiful. For a fleeting moment, I wished I were that dove, that I could fly away. Fly away from all of this… confusion… this pressure to be… perfect.

“You are at the stage of your disorder now where you’re losing your hair, your kidneys are shutting down, your teeth are rotting, your incessant purging has worn away the enamel to nothing, and your heart is too strained to cope.”

Dr. Lund sighed and leaned forward, but my dove and I maintained eye contact. I didn’t want to listen to what Dr. Lund had to say. I knew he was just trying to scare me.

The doctor reached forward and gripped my hand, forcing me to meet his serious visage. “This is it, Lexi. This is what it comes down to, the moment you choose life or death, right here, right now. It all comes down to this minute, this second. Fight this. Beat this once and for all. For your family… for yourself.”

As I focused once again on the clock on the wall, the second hand tick-tocking by, I felt a lone tear slip down my cheek, the wet droplet splashing onto the skin on the back of my hand gripping my leg. I watched that drop glisten. Then lifting my head, I watched as my dove seemed to straighten in shock at my crying.

Realization then dawned. I’d let them all get to me. They’d filtered through the cracks. I’d let them sway me from my goal. That droplet was my strength trying to escape my body. I was resolved. There would be no more tears. I could not fail. I would not fail

Shaking my head, I wiped frantically at my cheeks as my dove hunkered down, its feathers fluffing and its head almost seeming to shake. The dove was disappointed in me. Another one to add to the ever-growing list.

I jumped as I felt the whisper of feather-light soothing hands massage at my shoulders, lulling me to relax. I fell into his embrace.

Do not give up now, Lexington. We cannot let them win. We are so, so close, the voice whispered in my mind’s ear, wrapping me up in its protective cocoon. The voice, both my closest friend and most hated adversary, kept me safe. Kept me from failing to achieve my goal.

I couldn’t give up yet.

I was only a few more pounds from perfection.

My emotional walls began to rebuild, brick by treasured brick, blocking out the guilt, blocking out their concerns.

Well done, Lexington. You have made the right choice. I will always be here, pushing you to perfection. We are a team, an unbreakable team. I shall never leave you, ever. Together, we can do no wrong.

A loud coo caught my attention, and I looked once again to the open window, the light summer’s breeze ghosting across my face. My dove spread its wings, turning to face the world outside, lingering only to register a worried glance at me one last time. Slowly, as it broke my gaze, it took flight, soaring high into the endless blue sky, dancing toward the sun, breaking free, never to be seen again, leaving me all alone, just me and the voice—the voice that guaranteed I would never ever fail…