Surprise Delivery(94)

She’s such a perfect little angel, and she fulfills me in ways I never knew I could – or needed – to be fulfilled before. There is just something about looking into her eyes or holding her tiny hand that makes pieces of me I never knew existed just fall into place.

Yet despite the outpouring of love, there is the constant threat and worry that it’s all going to be ripped away from me. And now that Duncan has stopped communicating with me, that fear is becoming all too real and all the more urgent.

Aurora finally falls asleep, so I walk her into the bedroom and gently lay her down in her crib. I stand there for a moment, just looking at her. Admiring her. Letting the energy of my love flow from me to her, hoping she feels it. Hoping she feels safe.

I turn and walk back into the living room, gently shutting the door behind me. Setting the baby monitor down on the table, I take a seat and pull the contract over, spreading it out in front of me. I haven’t so much as touched it since Henry brought it over, but with things suddenly so uncertain and up in the air, I think I need to start thinking practically. I need to make the best decisions for myself and my daughter.

Of course, I want Duncan to be a part of that, but if he’s somehow discovered my betrayal and is lining up his legal forces, I’ll need to protect myself and Aurora. And unfortunately, the only way to do that is to accept Henry’s offer – although it pains me to even consider.

The other wrinkle in all of this is that I’d be forced to leave New York if I take the deal. New York is all I know – all I’ve ever known. This is my home. This is where I grew up and where I still feel the most comfortable. I’ve never been out of the state, so the idea of moving somewhere else, to a place I don’t know, have no roots, and no familiarity with – it’s terrifying.

But the other side of that coin is that I’ll be set up well. I’ll have money to provide a very comfortable life for Aurora. I’ll have a lot of options available to me that I don’t right now. I’ll be able to build the life I want for both my daughter and me. One thing that’s run through my head is that with the money, I’ll be able to finish out my nursing program. I’ll be able to do what I love, and I won’t have to scratch and claw just to get by.

I’ll also be able to tell the partners at the law firm to fuck off, once and for all. The mere thought of that makes me feel almost giddy. But the reality of the situation I’m in sobers me right up again.

There is no easy solution to this. There are pros and cons to it. The question is, which side carries more weight? Which side is the right side?

I start to read through the contract, carefully parsing every word. Henry made the mistake of underestimating me – though, that’s a common theme in my life. Henry though, assumed that because I don’t have a degree, I must be the stupid. He assumed that I’m ignorant and uneducated simply because I didn’t graduate from college.

What he doesn’t realize, though, is that when people underestimate me, I’m usually at my best. Despite not having a degree, I take great pleasure in proving that I’m nowhere near as dumb as they believe. And right now, Henry is underestimating the hell out of me if he thinks I can’t read and comprehend what’s in this document.

It takes me slightly more than an hour to get through it. He was right in that it’s thick with legalese but having worked at a law firm and being familiar enough with the language, it’s pretty easy to decipher. And as near as I can tell, there are no poison pills or hidden traps in the text of the agreement. My understanding of my reading is that it’s as straightforward as Henry portrayed it to be.

In exchange for getting out of town and severing all ties with Duncan, I will be paid a million dollars. I will have a furnished home provided for me in the location of my choosing – so long as it’s within the United States – and a ten thousand dollar a month stipend will be provided to cover the cost of raising Aurora. And if I violate the terms of the agreement, I will be forced to pay back every cent provided to me, plus a thirty percent penalty on top of it – a penalty I’m sure was included to further dissuade me from breaching the accord.

It’s a lot of money and effort just to get me out of his brother’s life. Though, I suppose Henry believes it’s cheaper in the long run than having a trashy, money-grubbing, gold digger hanging around, sucking up the family’s fortune – which is how he quite obviously sees me.

So, the question becomes – do I abandon my home and everything I know and sell my soul to provide a good life for my daughter? Do I turn my back on a chance at real love with Duncan – a chance fraught with uncertainty – so that I can ensure my daughter lives a life of comfort? Or do I roll the dice and simply hope everything works out?

Based on my own history, the chances of that happening hover somewhere between slim and none. Every time I roll the dice, I seem to crap out in life. My history is one filled with failure, disappointment, and the universe seeming to take great pleasure in kicking me over and over – especially when I’m already down.

I toy with the pen on the table, tapping it on the cover of the binder that holds the contract. A million thoughts are whizzing through my head and I’m having trouble latching on to a single one. There are good arguments to be made on both sides of the equation. There are good reasons to sign it and vanish, and there are good reasons for telling Henry to shove it up his ass.