Surprise Delivery(38)

“So, basically what you’re telling me is that I need to be a gold digger,” I interject. “Come on, Bri, you know I’ve never been about the money.”

“I know that, Lex. What I’m telling you is to just keep an open mind and an open heart,” she says. “Maybe things work out with Brad and maybe they don’t. But you’ll never know unless you try. I want to see you happy, more than anything else.”

I start to tear strips off the napkin on the table in front of me. “Why do you imagine I need a man to make me happy, to begin with?”

“I’m not saying you need one, necessarily,” she tells me. “But having some companionship in your life – some stability – certainly makes happiness a lot more attainable. And think of it this way, if it does work out and you find that you and Brad do click, you have the added bonus of having that love and stability in your child’s life. I mean, something tells me that Brad is dying to be a dad.”

She laughs, but I don’t think it’s all that funny, really. What she’s essentially saying is that I should be prostituting myself out to provide for my child. That I need to take advantage of Brad, pretend I’m into him, just because he might be able to provide for my baby better than me – well, there’s no question he can provide better for my baby than me. But still. I’m really biting my tongue right now to avoid lashing out at Bri for making such a suggestion.

“What if things do work out and you find that you and Brad have the whole world in common now, Lexi?” she continues. “Wouldn’t it be better for your baby to grow up with two parents who love it? Wouldn’t it be better for your baby to grow up without you having to struggle as hard as you do? I mean, don’t you want a better life for yourself and your baby?”

Bri isn’t wrong – I need help if I intend to keep the baby. But dating somebody with the intention of making them that help for me – to essentially be my sugar daddy – feels wrong on so many levels. It feels like I’m prostituting myself out for some stability. It makes me feel like my interest in Brad extends as far as what he can do for me.

It feels so wrong because I’ve always been such a fiercely independent woman. Yeah, it may not be pretty, and I may not always be flush with cash – okay, I’m never flush with cash – but, I’ve always been able to make it on my own. Always. I’ve never needed help.

Adding a child into the mix, though – that changes the equation entirely.

“Listen, Lexi, all I’m saying is that this is not the time to close yourself off. Now is not the time to be stubborn and prideful,” she says. “I’m not saying you need to marry him tomorrow. All I’m saying is give him a chance – be honest and upfront with him about being pregnant, of course, so he can make his own informed decision – but at least explore the possibility. I think you owe it not just to your baby, but to yourself as well.”

I know she’s right. Or at least, she’s not entirely wrong. I haven’t given Brad much of a chance because I’ve been so caught up in Duncan. But, what does it say about me, after finding out that I’m pregnant, to suddenly be open to the possibility of dating Brad – a man I had no interest in when I dated him a few years back?

She’s right though, I need help. I have decisions to make and I have plans to lay for not just my future, but for that of my child.

Dammit Duncan, where are you? Why are you not coming home? These are decisions we should be making – together.





Twelve





Alexis





“I have to admit, I was kind of expecting you to cancel on me tonight,” he says.

I laugh softly, not admitting that the thought had gone through my mind once or twice. Or maybe a dozen times or more. Okay, practically two or three times every hour since Bri roped me into this date in the first place.

“Why would you think that?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I kind of got the impression you were ducking me.”

“I wasn’t,” I reply. “Like I said, I just had a lot of things going on.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” he says.

We’re sitting in one of the small neighborhood bistros – an Italian place called Garcetti’s. I’ve eaten here a few times and the food’s always been decent. Brad is smiling at me like he’s just won the lottery or something and I realize I need to stop this train before it ever gets rolling.

Having had a couple of days to think about it, I realize that I can’t date Brad just because I’m pregnant. I’ve never been the kind of person who manipulates people. I’m not the kind of person who uses people to get what I want. That’s just not who I am. And although I know that’s not exactly why Bri was so insistent I go out with Brad, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s exactly what I’d be doing if I started to date him.

To that end, I’ve decided that I need to tell him that I’m pregnant. I figure that once he hears I’m carrying somebody else’s baby, that should pretty well kill whatever romantic notions for me might be running around in his head. What guy wants to get involved with a pregnant woman?

If that doesn’t work, then I’m going to have to stiffen my spine and tell him I’m only interested in being friends with him and if he’s looking for more, he’d be better served moving on and finding it elsewhere. There’s a reason we didn’t work out the last time we dated. Bri is right in that time changes people, but if you don’t have chemistry with somebody, you just don’t have it. Chemistry isn’t something you can force or make happen somehow. You either have it or you don’t.