Surprise Delivery(37)

“Not bloody likely,” she shrugs.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” I sigh. “Fire away, Sabrina Freud. What is my problem?”

“Well now, it’s that you’re comparing other men to Duncan,” she says. “You’re not into Brad because he doesn’t measure up to Duncan.”

“I’m not into Brad for a lot of reasons –”

“Reasons that formed back when we were all taking classes together,” she says. “Like I said, time changes people and I can absolutely see some changes in Brad from then to now. But you won’t let yourself see them because your head is all caught up in Duncan and there’s no room for anybody else at the moment.”

I open my mouth to refute her point, but really can’t. She’s not entirely wrong. I mean, I’m not into Brad for a lot of reasons, but I can’t deny that truth that my head is caught up in Duncan. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since our night at the gala. I find myself fantasizing about having sex with him – and usually need to get myself off when I do. I’ve never had sex that intense before. Not with anybody. We shared a connection that night. Some kind of bond formed between us that was profound and it was real. I felt it and I know he felt it too.

That connection – that bond – is something I’ve wanted from a partner for as long as I can remember. That connection is what’s been missing from every relationship I’ve ever been in, and every guy I’ve ever dated, including Brad. It’s the high of that connection I felt that I’ve been chasing my whole life and I found that in Duncan.

Yet, now that he’s in another country entirely – one engulfed by war – and I have no way of knowing when or if he’s going to be coming back. I find myself yearning ever harder for that sense of connection with another person. But deep down, I already know that I won’t find it with Brad – I’ll only find it with Duncan.

“That’s what I thought,” she says triumphantly.

“If there’s no room for anybody else, why are you trying so hard to jam Brad in any way?” I ask.

“Because, my dear, you are most often your own worst enemy. I’ve seen you blow things – good things – simply because you refuse to move on them,” she says. “You have this crazy list in your head of things you want in another person but let me tell you this – no man is ever going to satisfy all of those wants you have on that list in your head. Girl, you’ve got to learn to compromise a bit. Decide what’s really most important to you.”

Again, she’s not entirely wrong – I just don’t happen to enjoy listening to her outlining all the things that are wrong with me.

“Why not give Brad a chance?” she asks. “I mean, what’s it going to hurt to go out on just one date with the guy? If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. No harm, no foul. At least you’ll have given it a shot and know it doesn’t work from a place of experience.”

I cock my head and look at her. Sabrina has always taken an interest in my love life. She’s always suggesting this guy or that guy she can set me up with. She wants to see me happy, I get it. But, with Brad, she seems to have taken her game up a notch or two. She seems a little more insistent and vehement about it. Which makes me curious.

“Why are you selling me on this so hard?” I ask.

“Is it wrong to want to see my BFF happy and in love?” she asks.

“No, but you usually don’t go at me this hard about a guy,” I tell her. “And I’ve never known you to actually go full Benedict Arnold and stab me in the back when I’m trying to make up an excuse to get out of seeing somebody. So, what gives?”

I have a feeling I know why she’s being so persistent about it, but I want to hear her say it.

“I just think now, more than ever, you’re going to need a little – companionship,” she says.

“Companionship.”

She nods. “Yeah, companionship.”

“Well, I’ve got you,” I point out.

She laughs. “And you always will. But, that’s not the kind of companionship I’m talking about, Lex.”

“Uh huh,” I mutter. “So, what you’re telling me is that I should hook up with the first guy who shows an interest in me now that I’m about to blow up like a manatee and have a kid?”

“No, it’s not like that,” she objects. “But everything I remember about Brad is that he’s a decent man. He seems like a really nice guy. You could really do worse in terms of having a positive male influence in the life of your baby.”

I laugh. “Oh, so now you’re going to marry me off?”

“That’s not what I mean,” she says. “All I’m saying is that now that we know you’re pregnant, we need to start planning ahead. And since Duncan is a wild card and can’t be counted on for anything, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to maybe think about getting some stability in your life.”

“Stability,” I repeat. “And by stability, you mean somebody willing to play baby daddy to my child.”

She shrugs. “That’s not entirely what I mean. Honestly, my main purpose of trying to get you to go out with him was to get you out there, dating again. To get you to stop thinking about Duncan and get you feeling more open to the idea of seeing other people,” she says. “And honestly, you can do a lot worse than Brad, I think. He’s cute, kind, is obviously in love with you already. And I can tell that he has a little bit of money, anyway. I mean, did you see that watch? It was a genuine Rolex. And those clothes were designer too –”