Souls Unfractured (Hades Hangmen, #3)(71)

On a low groan, Flame’s hands pushed me flat to the mattress, and he rolled his large body over mine. A cry ripped from my mouth as I broke our lips apart. Panic was coursing through my body, the feel of Flame’s too strong body bringing back painful memories, until my frantic eyes focused on his handsome face, and I immediately calmed.

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye. Flame leaned down to capture it on his lips. My heart raced at such a sweet act coming from such a powerfully-built man. Then I made myself calm; this was Flame. This was my Flame.

Relaxing into the mattress, my unsteady arms lifted to lie on Flame’s shoulders. At my touch Flame relaxed too, and I could feel his hard length pressing against my thigh. But this time I felt no fear, just a simple need to be joined, in every conceivable way.

Flame’s eyes were repeatedly squeezing shut, and his head had begun to twitch. I knew this meant he was just as nervous as I. Only, he did not know how to express it.

Running my hands up his neck, I threaded my fingers through his hair. Flame exhaled, and when he met my eyes, I asked in a quiet voice, “Are you ready?”

Flame’s eyelids pulled down, lines marring his forehead and he confessed, “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been with anyone this way. Only with, forced by…” he trailed off as his huge arms began to shake. My heart lurched when I knew what he was telling me.

“Shh…” I soothed and stroked his hair. “I am the same. Because I too have never done this before. Not like this. Only with you. Only ever with you.” I swallowed back threatening tears and whispered, “Only ever because of you…”

“Maddie,” Flame said. I cried as a tear dropped from his eye. Leaning forward, I kissed away the salty drop, exactly as he had done with me. Chasing away the demons of our pasts.

For several long seconds we breathed in the same air, until I pushed myself to move my legs, to open my legs for Flame. Flame’s jaw tightened as his length fell between my legs at this small movement.

I could feel the fear, the nerves threatening us both. The air crackled with fear and tension. Running my hand down between our stomachs, my fingers met Flame’s length. I stilled as my hands wrapped around it and Flame groaned aloud. Then I saw it in his eyes, the sheer need, and lowering his head to mine, I murmured against his lips, “Make love to me.”

Flame moaned and his hips moved forward. I directed him inside me, and my mouth parted on a quiet gasp when he pushed gently inside.

Our bodies were trembling as we hung on the precipice of becoming one. Then as Flame’s large arms tensed, shaking at the enormity of what we were about to do, his eyelids hooded and he whispered, “You are my Maddie…” immediately before he pressed himself forward, his length filling me so impossibly full.

Needing to find purchase, to ground me in this moment, my hands wrapped around Flame’s neck. A pained groan tore from his throat. Then we stilled as he lay inside of me.

I waited for him to move again, I waited to follow his lead, but when I looked up, his face appeared torn with agony. His breathing was out of control and sweat had beaded on his forehead. My hand lifted to sweep across his brow, and he gasped for breath. His taut arms trembled, and haunted dark eyes grew to the size of saucers.

“Flame?” I asked, the last of my nerves fraying, seeing the man I had fallen so deeply for coming undone.

My hand stayed on his face and I focused his attention to me. “Flame? What is it?”

His eyes closed and his lips paled. His breath stalled, then on a sharp gasp they opened and he whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.”

My heart sank at the gutting tone of his confession. “Why? Tell me what is wrong?” I gently pushed.

Flame’s focus fell to his arms, and he said, “I need pain. To come… I need pain.” He blinked, then blinked again. “I only know how to come through pain.” He sucked in a breath. “Not like this. Never done this before.” Flame’s attention fell back to me. “I want to, Maddie. I f*cking want this, so bad. I need this… but I need pain. I’m f*cked up and I need pain to go through with this.”

Flame lifted his hand and took hold of mine. He moved them slowly to his arm still at my side. Taking my fingers, he pressed my fingernails into the flesh on his forearm, and dragged my nails down his skin.

Flame hissed and I felt his length swell within me as my nails marked his skin. Color burst on his cheeks, and with his eyes still closed, he released my hand and demanded harshly, “Again. Do it again.”

With a timid hand, I moved my fingers to the top of Flame’s arm and dragged my fingers down to his wrist in a slow, hard motion. Flame’s hips bucked harshly inside of me, an aggressive cry leaving his lips.

I tensed in fear. I froze on the mattress, my hands dropping to my sides. I tried to breathe, but it seemed out of my reach.

Flame’s eyes opened, just as a tear trickled down the side of my face. He watched the droplet fall into my hair and he reared back his chest.

“Maddie?” he rasped. “You’re crying.”

I glanced to the scratches I had made on his arms, the skin red and raised, and I felt sick. I shook my head on the pillow. “I cannot Flame,” I said barely making a sound. “I cannot have pain involved in this act. Not between us.” I cast Moses’ face from my head, and meeting Flame’s pained eyes said, “I want this with you. I want this with you, so badly. But I cannot. I cannot cause you pain. It is not within me… it is not how our joining should be. We need this to mean more. We need this to be just us, not about our pasts.” I swallowed back the emotion threatening to take hold.