So Much More(26)

Honestly, I try to ignore it. Deny it away.

But I can’t.

It’s there in our home like an unwelcome invader. It’s warped our image, warped the fa?ade.

In turn, I throw myself at Loren. Making up any excuse to get away to Seattle and spend time with him.





“Mr. Buckingham will see you now,” Loren’s busty assistant says as she rises from her chair and moves to escort me to his office.

“I know the way,” I say, efficiently stopping her advancement and putting her in her place as subordinate.

Loren’s on the phone when I enter his office and lock the door behind me. He smiles appreciatively, carnal excitement sparking in his eyes, as he watches me undress before him. His conversation, all business related, continues though he picks up the receiver, eliminating the speaker phone as an auditory witness to our explicit activities.

He mutes the conference call, to say hello and give me a peck on the cheek while I unzip his pants. Our sexual encounters have taken a bold turn. Seduction has become my new obsession and I’ve mastered it. I can entice him into a quickie anywhere these days.

“Carry on,” I say with a sexy smirk as I return him to his call, releasing the mute button.

He stiffens in his chair when I wrap my lips around him, but it’s only minutes before the phone is on mute again and he has me bent over his desk. Quick and dirty, just the way he likes it. And without a condom, just the way I like it.

I’ve stopped taking my pills. I have a new plan. I’m determined to have his child, determined to make him love me. Getting pregnant nabbed me a husband once. I’d bet money it works again.

I don’t want the fa?ade, it’s broken and no longer appealing. I want Loren and his empire; it’s my destiny.

And I always get what I want.





Flypaper





present





“Seamus, would you mind coming to the office?” It’s Janet, the school secretary. She’s called my desk phone, and she sounds nervous.

“Sure. I’ll be right down.”

I walk as fast as my legs and cane allow, and when I step through the door of the school office, I’m met with a consolatory smile from Janet and a loud voice, which matches the stranger’s, who’s standing at her desk, demeanor. “Seamus McIntyre?”

I’m confused.

But I’m not.

Flashbacks of being served divorce papers, standing in this exact spot, not so long ago spring to my mind. I feel hot and sticky, like flypaper attracting bad news.

“Sign for this, please.” It’s too loud. Why can’t he speak quietly? Everyone in the office is staring at me now. Janet looks like she wants to put up a shield around us and deflect the attention.

I sign, and the first thing I notice is the return address on the manila envelope. I recognize it as Miranda’s lawyer.

The other shoe just dropped.

And it felt like an atomic blast.

She’s done it.

She’s pursuing full custody.

That bitch.





I’m the punchline





past





I’m pregnant!

Hallelujah!

It’s Loren’s.

I have obligatory sex with Seamus once a month, but never when I’m ovulating. Hell yes, I keep track of that shit. That’s when I visit Loren and make sure he fills me to capacity with baby-making potential.





I deliver the pregnancy news to Loren delicately.

He doesn’t receive it delicately. He rages at me. It’s a fury I’m sure will ignite the air around us and burn us both alive. “How did you f*cking get pregnant?! You’re on the f*cking pill!” He rarely curses, he’s beyond angry.

“The pill’s not one hundred percent,” I say quietly. I hold back that it’s zero percent effective when it’s not taken. I feel like a child being chastised for their stupidity. I’ve never felt so small and weak. I don’t like it.

He looks me dead in the eye and commands without blinking, “Have an abortion. I don’t want children.”

My heart drops to the soles of my feet. I can feel my blood growing cold and pooling around it in my shoes. “I can’t do that. I want the baby.” I don’t want a baby. I want his baby. I need this link to him. He’ll change his mind. He’ll come around. Someday, he’ll realize we belong together.

He smiles in disgust and shakes his head. “Fine. Keep the baby, but my name’s not going on that birth certificate,” he threatens. “Put your husband’s name on it. He can raise it.”

His words hurt. I’m the punchline to a joke that no one delivered. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.

But, I’ll take it. At least he didn’t say it was over between us. I’ll never lose. I’ll make him see things my way one day.





Goddamn pathetic sponge





past





Baby number three is delivered under a heavy administration of drugs, and I feel nothing but pressure, no pain. Two pushes, because this isn’t my first go at ridding my womb of an invader, and a belting cry saturates the room.