Slow Dance in Purgatory(44)

It had gotten his mother out of the house, at least, and Shad and Gus came for dinner on Thursday night, which hadn’t happened for a while. Irene prepared all of Shad’s favorite dishes in an effort to cheer him up. He picked at his food and was only motivated to eat when Gus reminded him that he would never grow if he didn’t dig in. He laid into the food then, eating like he would never eat again.

Maggie asked Shad if he wanted to watch a movie or play a game after dinner. Aunt Irene didn’t have any game systems, so they were stuck with very old board games, which kind of stunk, but Shad gladly accepted, and he hung around for a while. They ended up out on the front porch swing, huddled in their winter coats, hands stuffed in their pockets and faces burrowed in their collars.

“If you could be a super hero, who would you be?” Shad mumbled from the folds of his jacket.

“Hmmm. That’s a hard one. I’d have to think about it. What about you? Who would you be?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be Spiderman, because no one would know it was me, and I would want the glory. I wouldn’t be Batman, because he doesn’t have any real abilities; he just has cool gadgets. I think I identify most with Superman. Everyone underestimates him, thinks he’s nothing but nerdy Clark Kent, and then Wham! He’s flyin’ around savin’ shit.”

Maggie laughed, and they sat reflecting on the various pros and cons of being this or that super hero.

“Okay. So you don’t know which super hero you’d be. But what if you could pick any power, like mind-reading or seeing the future or…”

“The ability to eat whatever I wanted and never get fat?” Maggie cut it.

“That’s such a girl thing to say. NO! You have to pick a genuine super power. I’ve got the ‘never get fat’ one already, and it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, trust me.”

“Such a typical boy thing to say.”

“Come on, Mags! What would it be?”

“I would love to be able to fly…but what good what that do me, really? I guess I’d save on gas, or maybe I could fly to New York, but then I’d have to carry my bags….”

“Mags! Focus. This is serious.” Shad looked very perturbed.

“It is?” Maggie was a little surprised at his intensity. “Okay. I guess I would wish….to stop time, or even better, to time travel.” Then she could go back and stop Johnny from ever going into the school that terrible night, and she would just stay in the fifties with him. She and Irene could be young together, and she would never let her marry Roger.

“That’d be cool….” Shad nodded thoughtfully. “‘Course, I’m a black man, you know, and the farther you go back in time, the worse it gets for us. I think I’ll stay right here.”

“So what would your pick be? Super strength, right? No… super speed!”

Shad shook his head soberly at both of her guesses. “Nope. I think I may have those already, too.” Maggie elbowed him in his skinny ribs, and he giggled like the old Shad.

“So what would it be?”

“Sometimes…I just wish I could disappear.” Shad said quietly, all traces of laughter gone from his voice.

Maggie was stunned into silence.

Shad continued, a faraway look stealing across his face. “Then I could come and go as I please. Nobody could ever stop me or tell me I don’t belong. I could walk in to any restaurant,” Shad started ticking things off on his fingers, “any night club, movie set, NFL game, NBA game, airplane, or country in the world, and nobody would be the wiser. Complete freedom, Mags. I wouldn’t have to have money or things. I would just take what I needed. I wouldn’t be greedy or take from people who couldn’t afford it.”

“That’s not freedom. “ Maggie thought of Johnny, with all his mind-blowing abilities and absolutely no freedom. “Being invisible would come with a lot of difficulties and limitations. What about when you fell in love, or got tired of being invisible and wanted good conversation or a friend, but nobody knew you existed?”

“Heck, Maggie. Nobody knows I exist now! The only time anybody notices me is when they want somebody to pick on or embarrass.”

Maggie sighed, understanding completely.

“Maybe invisibility isn’t what I’d choose,’” Shad said, reconsidering. “Maybe I would just wish to be somebody else – like…maybe, I could pick a life and just jump in. Do you think Kobe or LeBron would mind me taking over their life?”

“Probably…and I would miss you.”

“Really…you would?” Shad’s voice was so hopeful, it made Maggie ache.

“Yes Shad, I would. Why don’t you just make your life the best it can be? There are so many possibilities out there. You live in a great country, you are healthy, young, smart – heck, you already have super speed and super strength.” Maggie grinned at Shad. “Nothing is holding you back. Why would you want to disappear or be anyone else?”

“Because…then….maybe you would love me the way I love you.”

Not this again! Striving for patience, Maggie chose her words very carefully.

“I do love you, Shad. But you’re fourteen, and you have a lot of life ahead of you before you need to shackle yourself to one woman. You’re probably going to fall in love a million times. Someday, someone is definitely going to fall head over heels in love with you, Shadrach Jasper, and then you won’t want to trade places with anyone else. You won’t even remember me, then. It will be like I just disappeared.”