Sinful Desire (Sinful Nights, #2)(94)

But now?

Hell, he didn’t know if he was coming or going. If he was the guy he’d been before or the man he’d become with Sophie.

Limbo. This was the utter hell of limbo. He was stuck in it like quicksand, and he didn’t want to drag her down with him.

He needed the three people in his life who’d known him before, during and after.

As he turned on his blinker to exit the highway, he called Shannon, gave her the rundown, and she told him she’d gather the crew.

Then his phone rang, and it was Sophie.

*

Passport? Check.

Luggage packed? Done.

Flight checked into? Good to go.

After zipping her suitcase, she left a small toiletry kit on top of it, which she would tuck inside tomorrow morning. Then she called the car service that would take her to the airport at the crack of dawn, to confirm that everything was set for her pickup.

When she hung up, she scrolled across her home screen in case it revealed a missed call from Ryan. It had been ten hours since he’d left, and she was eager to know how his day had gone. The more time passed, the more nervous she became about what had happened in Hawthorne. But she wasn’t a teenager debating whether to call a boy she liked. She was a grown woman dating a man, so she dialed his number as she walked into her kitchen to grab a glass of water.

“Hey,” he said, his voice hollow.

She had never heard him sound so dead. “Hey to you. So how did it go?”

He sighed heavily. “Let me pull over.”

The sound of the car engine stopping greeted her ears as she turned on the tap. Then he told her his mother had confessed. She gripped the counter, and set down the water glass. Words sputtered out. “Oh my God, Ryan. I can’t believe she told you that. How? Why? How are you doing?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know how I’m doing. It’s like my world is upside down. Because I believed in the possibility of her maybe being innocent for the longest time, and now it’s been twisted and turned inside out. I don’t know what to do now, or what to think about anything,” he said in that same monotone.

Her heart ached for him, and she wanted to comfort him, and hold him close. She wanted to be the one he leaned on. “Do you want me to delay my trip so that we can spend time together? So I can be there with you as you deal with this? I can easily push my flight back a few days if you need me.”

If you need me.

Oh God, she desperately wanted him to need her. Her pulse raced with longing for his yes.

“No,” he said quickly. “I can’t let you do that.”

“I don’t mind. I want to be here for you,” she said, trying to comfort him.

“It’s okay. I need to go see my sister and brothers now anyway.”

“Of course,” she said, and she understood logically why he’d want to go see them. She just wished her stupid heart didn’t hurt the tiniest bit that he hadn’t needed her. “Go. See them,” she said in her cheeriest voice. He didn’t need to detect her worry right now. He had enough on his plate.

“I should probably call your brother, too. I guess I’ll see you…” he said, but his voice trailed off.

She picked up the thread, crossing her fingers. “Do you still want me to come by later? Or do you want to come here?” she asked, ready to kick herself for sounding like a lovesick teenager.

“Soph,” he said, his voice heavy. “I’m not in a good place right now. I think I just need to give John the news then be with Shan, Michael and Colin. Everything—the visit, the pattern, the stuff she said—it’s hitting me hard and f*cking with my head again. Let me deal with this and then I’ll see you.”

She gulped. “Of course, of course. This is a huge thing and you need to talk to them.”

“When do you get back from your trip?”

“Next week.”

“I’ll see you then. We’ll do something special. Finally ride the roller coaster at New York, New York together. Okay?” But he didn’t sound as if he was looking forward to their reunion. He sounded as if he didn’t care.

“Sure,” she said, nodding several times, trying to convince herself that he still cared.

“Yeah. I just…right now…”

“You need to take a step back,” she said, filling in the gap.

“Not from you. Just from…”

“Feeling so much?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I just need to see them right now.”

“You go. Drive safely. I love you.”

“I love you,” he said, but he didn’t sound as if he believed it, and the deadness in his tone made her want to cry.

When he hung up, she let the tears fall, even though they felt selfish, even though they felt like weakness. The tears fell for herself, and for him, too. For all he was dealing with. For this new bombshell dropped in his lap. His family couldn’t catch a damn break, and she hated that the tragedy in his past was tearing new fissures in his present.

A little later, after she’d dabbed her cheeks and dried her eyes, she let the reel of the last few weeks play, trying to understand the man. He’d been private and circumspect at first. When pushed, he’d become open and vulnerable. But what if the talking was more of the exception than the norm?