Shut Out (Bayard Hockey #1)(18)
Chapter 7
Jacob
I don’t know how I’m making it through the prevention and awareness sessions, but I am. Not only is the subject matter horrendous, I have a hard time sitting still for very long. Even an hour class has me fidgeting in my seat.
The only thing keeping me going? Skylar.
She’s f*cking astounding.
Talking about shit like this can’t be fun for anyone—it’s not supposed to be, I guess. It’s supposed to be serious and educational. And yet she makes it interesting and relevant too. By the end of the third session, the group is talking out things way more openly than they were at the start.
I resist getting drawn into discussions because I really don’t want to be there. On the other hand, it would be disrespectful to Skylar to sit scowling and silent, and I find I can’t do that to her.
I hardly know this girl, but damn, she’s got me kind of torqued up.
As I arrive on Thursday, I find myself surrounded by three freshmen girls, who start complimenting my biceps, asking me how much I work out and when does the hockey season start. I look up to see Skylar frowning at us, but she turns away immediately. A few minutes later, she’s trying to get everyone’s attention to start the session and the three girls reluctantly move to their seats. I meet Skylar’s eyes and give a little shrug, but she coolly ignores me.
Today we’re talking about consent.
“We define consent as voluntary, positive agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity.” Skylar’s eyes avoid mine as she talks, clearly remembering our make-out session and my turning down her invitation. Shit.
“Do you all think that verbal consent is an absolute requirement for consensual sexual activity?”
People consider that.
“There are other ways to show you consent,” one woman offers.
“Yes, there are.”
“Talking about it beforehand kind of kills the mood,” Danny says.
There are murmurs of agreement from everyone.
“That can be true too,” Skylar agrees. “And it can feel awkward. But talking about what you want and need, and what your limits are, is important if you’re going to be that intimate with someone, and it really is the basis for a positive experience.”
I have to admire how she can talk so openly about stuff like this and not seem embarrassed or uncomfortable. She makes it less uncomfortable for everyone else too.
Almost everyone else. I find myself shifting in my seat a few times.
“So verbal consent isn’t absolutely required, but it is the best way to make sure consent is clear and unambiguous. And the absence of a ‘no’ should never be understood to mean consent is given. Now, what about alcohol and drugs?” Skylar looks around. “Someone who’s incapacitated by drugs or alcohol isn’t capable of giving valid consent. Drugs and alcohol can definitely impair judgment about whether consent has been asked for and given.”
The question is burning inside me. I lift my hand and ask it. “What if someone is asking for sex? Is that consent?”
Skylar gives me a level look, although her cheeks go as pink as her hair. “Is that someone sober or intoxicated?”
“Um…I guess that makes a difference.”
“Possibly.” She takes my question seriously, though. “Asking for sex when one’s judgment isn’t impaired certainly indicates consent. But when under the influence of drugs or alcohol, asking for sex could be a serious lapse in judgment. Depending on the situation. Also, a person can change his or her mind.”
I try not to frown. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
We move on to talking about bystander intervention.
“Bystander intervention is a social science model that predicts that most people are unlikely to help others in certain situations.” Skylar makes eye contact again. “I don’t know how many of you have ever witnessed something that you’re not comfortable with and wondered if you should do something. One time I saw a mother give her young child a smack on the butt, right on the street while we were waiting for a bus. I felt so uncomfortable and so conflicted. I hated seeing her hit that boy. But is it my business how she disciplines her child? The child wasn’t seriously hurt, but he was crying and upset. What if she did worse to him at home?” She looks around. “Anyone else ever experience that?”
Well, that opens floodgates. Everyone has a story, some good, some scary.
“Research has shown that one major reason bystanders fail to intervene is that the situation is too ambiguous, and like me seeing the mother spank her child, the bystander is worried about misjudging the situation and being embarrassed by intervening. Sometimes they think the victim is in some way responsible for the situation and is getting what they deserve. Like, I may have thought that child was acting out and needed to be reprimanded. So what we’re going to learn today are the skills we need to be able to make that decision and intervene effectively when it’s needed.”
I like talking about skills. Skills are something concrete and relatable. We talk about hockey skills all the time, so I can get into this.
“Here on campus, there are many situations where we might encounter a situation when it would be good to step in. There may be situations you see someone abusing alcohol. Maybe a hazing situation. Maybe a friend who you suspect has an eating disorder. Or, yeah, possibly sexual assault.”