Shut Out (Bayard Hockey #1)(12)
She smiles.
“Now I’ll introduce you to your facilitators: Grace Smith, Skylar Lynwood, and Chad Bukowski.”
My head whips around as two women and a dude join Victoria at the front of the room. My jaw drops. Rapunzel.
I barely hear Victoria introduce Grace, but then focus as she outlines Skylar’s experience with SAPAP. Skylar smiles at everyone, but when her gaze skims past mine and hesitates, and her smile falters, I know she already saw me there. So she had a few minutes to get her shit together, while my own shit is all over the goddamn place, totally messed up by seeing her there.
I’ve been trying to put her out of my head since Friday night, not totally successfully. Remembering the hurt look on her face when I turned down her so sweet and sexy invitation. Goddamn, I wanted to go upstairs with her, toss her onto a bed, kiss that hot mouth, and bang her into next week. But hell, I’ve been at Bayard a few weeks; how could I abandon my plans that fast?
I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to go all year without sex. On the one hand, I think I’ve read that monklike abstinence can make you stronger. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up in the hospital with blue balls as big as bowling balls. They’re going to have to do some kind of emergency procedure to save me. Possibly involving a hot nurse, in a short, tight uniform.
And just like that the hot nurse morphs into Skylar. God, what is wrong with me?
Putting aside thoughts of sex, which intrude into my mind with disturbing frequency, the last couple days Skylar featuring prominently in my porn fantasies, I again try to focus on what’s happening.
“So as Victoria said,” Skylar says with a sweet smile that I can tell wins over everyone in the room, “this is our first time presenting this training program. We want to make it not just relevant and informative but interactive and fun.”
She’s well-spoken, making the same eye contact Victoria had, at ease in front of people. I admire that. I have some experience with it too, talking to media after games, dealing with fans. For me it’s easy, and for her…it seems easy as well. I smile.
I’m here because I have to be, and I seriously doubt it’s going to be fun. But this is what I have to do if I want to play hockey and if I want my shot at being drafted into the NHL. As far as the awareness stuff goes, once I’m done with this training, I’m done. No way will I be volunteering on one of those committees. The team’s schedule of workouts, team meetings, and practices is rigorous, not to mention our upcoming game schedule.
I’m here, as in, I’m present. I’ll do what I have to do. But I won’t do more than that.
“First a few housekeeping things.” Skylar talks about where the bathrooms are, when breaks occur, how the facilitators are committed to starting and ending on time, ground rules about sharing and privacy, blah blah blah.
Then we break into smaller groups. Victoria directs Skylar to sit with my group, which clearly does not thrill her. But she smiles and asks us all to introduce ourselves. Ugh.
I give my best smile as I tell them my name and a little about myself. When I mention I play for the Bears, a bunch of freshmen girls sigh.
And Skylar’s lips tighten. She gives me a glare before moving on to Danny, but hey, he gets the same reaction.
After we’ve all heard each other’s names and a bit about one another, we return to the bigger group and move right into the first module—sexual assault.
Yeah, I’m sweating.
“This training will draw on the experience and viewpoints of the participants,” Skylar says, having completed all the bullshit introductions. “It will be dynamic and interactive and result in skills that you’ll be able to use in a variety of situations. One thing I want to mention is the use of pronouns. In most cases, gender-neutral plural pronouns such as ‘they’ and ‘them’ are used throughout this training to refer to victims. But because most victims of sexual assault are female, we do occasionally use female pronouns. In the module dealing with male sexual assault, we will, of course, address all victims/survivors as males.”
My eyebrows lift. I guess I’ve never really thought about male sexual abuse victims. I rub my forehead and shift again in my chair.
With PowerPoint slides projecting onto the screen on the wall, Skylar, Grace, and Chad take turns talking. “The definition from the U.S. Department of Justice is ‘any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.’?” Skylar surveys the room with unsettling gravity.
My armpits are prickling with sweat and my muscles are tight. I slouch into my chair.
The visual on the screen changes.
“Let’s talk about victim versus survivor. It’s difficult for anyone other than the individuals themselves to determine when the shift from victim to survivor occurs. Some people feel they are survivors from the moment they escape their assailant.” Skylar pauses. “Or assailants.”
I slump lower. Skylar flicks me a brief frown.
“They may prefer the term survivor even in the emergency department, where others use the term survivor for someone who’s achieved progress in recovering from their experience.”
It’s hot in this room. Is it hot is this room? I glance at Danny, who’s nodding and attentive. He’s not sweating like I am.
About an hour later, we’re done. We have homework—reading to do before our session tomorrow evening. Crap. Thankfully the training will be done before hockey season starts, because I already have enough homework.