Shoulda Been a Cowboy (Rough Riders #7)(90)

“Oh.” Quinn and Libby jumped into a heated discussion with Buck and Kade. When ten minutes passed and Cam hadn’t returned, she dumped her plate. Anton was nowhere to be found. Babies cried. Kids shrieked. Dogs barked. People were everywhere. It was chaotic and loud.


What would it be like to really be part of this boisterous family? To understand the rivalries and alliances? To build relationships that would last beyond the length of a job? To have roots in not only a place, but with people?


She’d put down roots in Sundance, more so than in any other place she’d resided, but the temptation to leave existed. She had nothing to keep her here.


What about Cam? He wants to give you all this.


He should give it to a woman who can give the same thing back to him—babies, family, that long-term community connection.


Isn’t it up to Cam to decide that? Aren’t you doing what you hate; taking away someone’s choice?


It hit her. Her reproductive problem wasn’t the total issue. She’d used it as an excuse. She’d been more than willing to share her body with Cam, but her heart? No.


Why had she demanded so much brutal honesty from him but she’d not done the same, except for when it came to sex?


She wandered to the section of the yard between the house and the barn. On edge. Wanting so much to come clean, to have the kind of marriage with Cam she didn’t think existed. To have a real chance with him. Not for Anton’s sake, but for hers.


“Domini?”


Speak of the devil. Warmth suffused her body. Not surprising he’d tracked her down when she needed him—the man was inordinately attuned to her. “I was just thinking of you and here you are.”


He turned her toward him. “What’s wrong?”


“Everything.”


Cam’s grip increased on her shoulders. “Are you sick? Do we need to go home?”


“No. We need to talk.”



“Right now?”


“Yes. I didn’t want to do this here, with your family around but I have to do it before I lose my nerve.”


Cursing, Cam dragged her around the corner of the house, out of sight. He braced her spine against the trunk of an old oak tree and framed her face in his hands, not saying a word, just watching her with those dark blue eyes.


Domini attempted to push him back because he was crowding her, but he didn’t allow it. “Talk.”


“I haven’t been…honest about something. Something big. Something that will probably change everything between us.”


“What?”


Breathe. Own up to it. Just say it straight out like he would. “You know that scar on my abdomen?”


He nodded guardedly.


“It’s not from getting my appendix taken out. It’s from getting my uterus taken out.” Domini detailed the short version of her medical history. She finished by saying; “I know I should’ve told you I can’t have children before you married me. I’m sorry. It was selfish. You deserve better, Cam. You deserve more. You deserve a woman who’s as selfless as you are and I understand if you—”


“Stop. Talking. Now.”


She froze.


Cam’s hands dropped. He spun on his heel away from her and retreated to pace like a caged animal.


Her heart pounded with pure fear. Was he resetting the distance between them with each step?


Finally, Cam got right in her face. “Listen to me very carefully, Domini McKay. I don’t mean to be flip or make light of your medical condition, but guess what? It doesn’t matter to me. Should you have told me sooner? Yes. Would it have made a damn bit of difference when I asked you to marry me? Hell no. I’m taking the fact you’re telling me this now as a good sign that you haven’t dragged me behind the goddamn house to tell me you’re leaving me.”


She blinked at him, unable to formulate the words leaving me out loud. Cam thought she wanted to leave him?


“Havin’ a mini-Cam running around isn’t important to me. You are important to me.” He flattened his palm on her lower belly. “This isn’t why I love you.” His hand slid up to cover her heart. “This is.”


Domini choked out, “You love me?”


“Yes, I love you. Why do you think I married you?”


“Because of the foster care issue with Anton. Because it was the right thing to do, you told me that yourself in Ginger’s office.”


“That was a total lie.”


Her head reeled back as if she’d been slapped. “What?”


“I told you what you wanted to hear. You were so…mired in grief about Nadia and worried about Anton’s future you weren’t thinking straight. I seized my chance to get what I wanted.”


“Which was?”


“You.”


A shiver worked loose at his forceful tone. “Me? But—”


“You think me offering to marry you was selfless?” His grip increased on her shoulders and he shook her a little. “Wrong. I’m a total selfish bastard, Domini. I used the legal system I’m supposed to be upholding to benefit me. Despite the shitty circumstances of Nadia’s death, it made me happy you had no choice but to marry me without delay if you wanted Anton. Even now I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing. How f*cked up is that?”