Short Rides (Rough Riders #14.5)(6)

Colt snorted. “No dice. You’d last two days and I’d have to pick up your slack. Besides, you’re a good cop, Cam. You’re doing exactly what you oughta be. Yeah, some days are gonna suck ass. Part of life. Crawling into a bottle ain’t the way to deal with it.”


“I know.”


“You see bad shit on a daily basis that most people don’t ever see. Do you have a way to cope with it?”


“Like blathering on to a shrink or something? No.”


“You deal with it all yourself?”


“Yep.”


Of course that wasn’t the end of the discussion. Colt kept pushing. “You’re gonna bring the bad stuff from your job home sometimes. Don’t try and hide it. Let your kids and your wife see that your working life ain’t all roses and bein’ treated like a hero. Let them be the light to ward off the darkness that comes with your job.”


Few people gave Colt credit for being insightful, but Colt had been through some bad things in his life and his advice was solid. Cam whistled. “Whoa, bro. That’s almost poetic.”


Colt laughed. “You’re drunker than I thought if you’re callin’ me a poet. Come on. I’ll help you inside.”


Cam lowered himself to the ground and accepted Colt’s help getting up the steps.


Domini met them on the porch. The kids were still up and she shooed Liesl, Anton, Dimitri, Oxsana and their dog, Gracie, back inside. She slipped her arm inside Cam’s coat and he welcomed her warmth. Her support. The unconditional love that reminded him he was the luckiest man alive to get to come home to her every night.


She said, “Thank you, Colt, for bringing him home.”


“No problem.”


Cam pressed his lips on the top of Domini’s head. Inhaling her familiar scent. But she didn’t let the affectionate gesture linger. She pulled him into the house. Into the chaos that he normally reveled in.


But the lights were too bright. The TV too loud. Gracie barked and whined when Anton scolded her. Liesl chattered like a magpie, purposely talking over the twins.


Colt clapped him on the back. “Whenever I think my house is a zoo with two kids, it’s good to come to your place. Makes our house look like a freakin’ monastery. Call me if you need anything.”


Cam nodded and the door slammed behind his brother.


Domini unbuttoned his coat and removed it. She slid her hands up his chest and wreathed her arms around his neck, pressing her lithe body against his. “I was worried about you. Are you all right?”


No. I’m not even f*cking close to all right.


She eased back and peered into his face. “I can see you’re not.” She rose to her toes, kissed his mouth and whispered, “What can I do?”


“Just let me crawl into bed and put this day behind me.”


“Cam, it’s Valentine’s Day. The kids planned a special surprise for you.”


“I-I can’t… be around them. I c-can’t let them see me like this.”


“Just for a little while? They’ve been waiting.”


He shook his head and closed his eyes, not able to bear their disappointed faces. “I can’t. Not tonight. I need to be alone.”


“Daddy, wait until you see what—”


“Liesl. Honey, remember what we talked about?” Domini said.


“I told you it was a dumb idea,” Anton taunted.


“You’re a dumb idea,” Liesl retorted.


Anton and Liesl argued.


Then Oxsana and Dimitri argued.


Markus beat on a xylophone and Sasha yelled at him to stop until he began to cry.


The phone started to ring.


The dog yipped.


Cam walked down the hallway to their bedroom and shut the door.


Alone in the silence. He could hear himself breathing in the blessed quiet.


Then gruesome images and coulda-woulda-shoulda regrets pushed this day’s awful events into the flashes of death from his military past, so it was like a horror movie stuck on replay—a speeded-up version of a movie that he couldn’t get to shut off even if he closed his damn eyes.



Why had he thought he’d wanted to be alone? His mind wasn’t a quiet void. In fact, it was a damn unpleasant place to be today.


He stripped and removed his prosthesis. Grabbing his crutches, he headed for the shower. He remained under the steaming spray until his fingers were pruny and he’d run out of tears.


Five minutes after he crawled between the sheets and lay there in the darkness, staring at the ceiling, he heard Domini enter their bedroom and lock the door. Then her warm, naked body slid next to his. Her cool hands caressed his face.


He sighed. This woman filled his life with more happiness than he’d ever known. She deserved better than a man who retreated when his dark edges emerged. But better to be a ghost of a man who disappeared rather than a monster of a man who pointed a gun at her and pulled the trigger.


“The kids are in bed.”


“I’m sorry I didn’t help with them tonight. I know they—”