Short Rides (Rough Riders #14.5)(5)

“I can also see you’re worried part of you is like Jeff, because you also suffer from PTSD. That one night you’ll wake up disoriented and you’ll open fire on your family. Cam, that won’t ever happen. Not with you.”


Pissed him off that she’d picked up on that. “How can you be so sure? No one would’ve predicted a f*cking insurance salesman would fill his wife’s body with bullets.”


She gave him an intense look. “What do you do with your gun when you’re done with your shift?”


He frowned at her. “Either leave it locked up at work or lock it in the gun safe at home.”


“Do you have any unattended firearms anywhere in your house right now?”


“No.”


“Are any of the firearms in your house loaded? Even the ones locked in the gun safe?”


“Nope.”


“Where is your gun safe?”


“In the garage.”


“So if you happened to wake up disoriented from a combat nightmare, you couldn’t just reach for your gun beneath your pillow or pull it from the nightstand drawer. You’d have to grab your crutches, hobble from your bedroom to the garage, use the keys to open the gun safe, pick a firearm, and load the right clip into the gun itself. Now you’re ready to aim and fire, correct?”


“Yeah.”


“Think you’d still be asleep after all that? Think you wouldn’t have a conscious thought about what you were doing?”


“No, but I have woken up with my goddamn hands wrapped around Domini’s neck,” he snapped. “Do you have any idea how much that eats at me?” He held out his shaking hands. “Look at these paws. One swipe, one unconscious twist, and I could hurt her. I could even kill her. Just like—”


“No. No. No. No. No.” She punctuated every no with a loud smack on the table. “You aren’t like Jeff Wingate. Not at all. Not even f*cking close, Cam. He never faced his demons. You are fully aware of yours. That at least gives you a fighting chance at knowing how to chase them away.”


Cam almost said something flip about facing his six demon kids everyday, but he held back.


“I know you have a million McKay family members, but somehow I don’t think you let them see this conflicted side. Except for maybe… Keely?”


“I used to. But…” It felt like he was betraying Domini even talking to his sister about such intensely emotional baggage. Yet, he didn’t want to talk to his wife about it, either.


Maybe if you don’t talk to someone about this shit you will end up just like Jeff Wingate.


“If you want a fresh pair of ears, Cam, I’m around. Completely confidential. Anytime.”


“I appreciate it, Doc. Thanks.”


She patted his hand. “You’re welcome. Now I have to scoot and meet my Valentine’s Day dates.”


“Dates? As in more than one?” Cam asked to her retreating back. He poked his head around the edge of the booth and watched his cousins, Chet and Remy West, escorting the lovely and lively doc from the bar.


Huh. Maybe he was drunker than he thought.


But that didn’t keep Cam from drinking steadily over the next couple hours. Everyone left him alone, left him mired in thoughts ranging from morose to manic to plain moronic.


So he was shocked when his brother Colt slid into the booth opposite him. “Am I hallucinating? My recovering alcoholic big bro is in… a bar?”


“Yep. I am here to haul your drunken ass home.”


“Who called you?” That’d come out belligerent.


“Lettie called Domini. Domini called me. She knows I won’t be tempted to linger in here with you and suck down what’s left of the keg.” Colt squinted at the empty pitcher of beer and then at Cam. “And I’m strong enough to carry you into the house if need be. Will I hafta do that, Deputy Bro?”


“Probably if I have any more. But I’ve been done drinking for a while.”


“Good.” Colt motioned and Lettie appeared. “Can we leave out the kitchen door?”


“Just like old times, huh?” Lettie snickered. “Sneakin’ two McKay boys out the back.”


Cam’s wobbliness had nothing to do with his bum leg and Colt propped him up without Cam having to ask.


On the ride home, Colt said, “So from what I’ve heard, a bad day on the job?”


“The worst.” He thought back to the night his cousin Luke had died. “One of the worst, for sure.”


“Domini’s beside herself with worry. Especially after she found out you were first on the scene this morning. And then she hasn’t heard a word from you except a single text.”


This day was a clusterf*ck from one end to the other. “I just… I didn’t feel like talking about it. I still don’t.”


“Understood.”


Cam closed his eyes and leaned back into the headrest. After a bit he said, “I suppose it’s too late to quit my job as a deputy and start ranching fulltime?”