Shattered Dreams (Boys of Bellerose, #3)(6)
Discharged. Yep, I sure was. Although the hospital had cleared me of my injuries the day after the explosion, I’d been kept under psychiatric hold thanks to my episode during the fire. Jace had lobbied for it harder than anyone else, claiming I was “a danger to myself and others” like some kind of fucking—
“Billie?”
“Sorry,” I murmured, wrapping my arms around myself. “Um, I’m going to stay with Gray again, I guess. I don’t really have any other options…” Poor Billie Bellerose. No home, no family, no hope…
“That’s not what I heard,” Dr Candace disagreed with a gentle smile. “You could have gone to Rhett’s home; I know he offered.” I was fairly sure Dr. Candace was a Rhett Silver fan. “Or the Riccis’—”
“No,” I snapped, cutting her off. “I won’t go there. If I do, then…” Then Giovanni would be insufferable. Creepy. Dangerous. I wouldn’t put it past him to try and force his own baby into me just to ensure the family line continued. Gross. The idea sent a deep shiver through me.
Dr. Candace just pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Will you tell Grayson about your past? I know you said Rhett and Jace both know about the fire, but you’ve kept Grayson in the dark. Is there a reason for that?”
She’d asked this once before, six days ago when we’d met for the first time and I had to spill my guts over why my mind had snapped during the fire. How I’d become locked in the memory of my parents’ death. How I’d remembered more than ever before… and that new information had terrified me.
I shook my head. “Maybe one day,” I croaked. “Not yet. I can’t… I don’t want to revisit it all. Not after Angel…”
“What if Rhett or Jace tell him your story? About your parents’ death and Penelope?” Her question was entirely valid, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
I shrugged. “Then I guess it saves me from telling him. Besides, he knows some…” I couldn’t totally remember what, though. A little about Penelope, because he’d rescued us from the woods right after that emotional confession to Jace. But not the fire or my parents, and no one beside Dr. Candace knew about my recent memories. About how I’d heard my mom and dad fighting over something the day they’d died or how they’d been killed not by the fire, but by someone slitting their throats..
“So you have no problem with Grayson knowing but just don’t want to tell him yourself,” my therapist clarified. I squinted at her in frustration.
“Yes, isn’t that what I said?”
She gave a slight shake of her head, then flashed a quick, reassuring smile. “I’m just making sure you understand what you’re telling me, Billie. And that in turn helps me understand where your reservations lie. Do you think Rhett or Jace would tell anyone your story? It’s very personal.”
The waterfall continued to trickle, and I glared daggers at it. Goddamn, I needed to pee.
“Billie?”
I sighed. “No, they probably wouldn’t. Rhett has too much respect for my privacy.”
Her brow arched. “And Jace?”
Was an arrogant son of a bitch. “Would never want anyone to see me as the victim. He already got a verbal spanking from Gray when Gray didn’t even know the whole story. No way would he risk falling from his own pedestal by garnering sympathy for me. His fucking Lilith.”
“Is that how you see yourself?” she mused, watching me carefully.
I had no issue with therapists. None. I would have voluntarily come to her if I’d had the money and means. Jace hadn’t needed to try and commit me. But the fact that he had, the fact that I wasn’t here of my own volition, it made me want to resist at every damn turn. Even to the detriment of my own health.
“Let’s talk about music,” she suggested, changing the subject.
“What about music?” I replied, confused and suspicious.
“You collaborated a lot with Jace before Bellerose was signed, didn’t you? I understand you have songwriting credit on most songs from the debut album.” She smiled like this was a good thing. “That must be something you enjoy doing with him?”
I scowled. “How do you—” Songwriting credit? Since when? “It’s something that I used to enjoy with him, yes. And with Angelo. And then, more often than not, we’d all end up naked, which is how I ended up pregnant at sixteen. My parents were very proud.” Okay… that was a little more caustic than she deserved, given how nonjudgmental she’d been with me.
My little snaps of anger never seemed to phase her, though. She just nodded like she was making mental notes—never physical ones, she never scribbled away on a clipboard like a stereotype—then continued with her line of conversation.
“What instrument do you play?”
“None of them,” I muttered. “At least, not well. Not like…” Not like Jace or Angelo. Or Rhett and Gray. Or Flo… “I play guitar and piano a little, just enough to get the tune out of my head and give it to more talented musicians.”
“I see,” Dr Candace murmured. “Have you worked on anything recently?”
I nearly said no, then remembered the song I’d come up with while we were in the woods. The same one I’d told Jace he couldn’t have, only to hear him putting the most heartbreakingly perfect lyrics with my melody when he thought I was asleep. Then we fucked the next morning.