Shameless(83)

He doesn’t respond right away, and in that silence, I squeeze my eyes closed, not wanting him to see me so close to a breaking point. Because if he flips on the lights, I won’t be able to talk without crying. Without telling him how much I love him and want him to stay.

“Um, sure.” Then more silence. “You okay?”

Gulping down the lump in my throat, I will myself to stay calm. “Yeah.”

Go away, Brady. Let me pull myself together.

He sighs, and mumbles something I can’t quite make out before he closes the door.

I exhale in relief, but my heart is pounding. Because everything in me, everything, wants to yank open that door and run into his arms.

I’ve always known this moment was coming. Always known our time together would end.

And I told him I wouldn't fall in love.

I wonder if he knows I’ve broken my promise.





54





Brady





The morning light filters through the kitchen window and catches the auburn highlights in Kat’s dark hair. She’s standing at the sink, staring out at the oak tree, looking like she’s a million miles away. I’d give anything to know what’s going through her mind right now.

I want to grab her and greet her like I have on so many other mornings. With a hug and a kiss. Maybe while I mumble some dirty joke against her skin. But the distance between us is cavernous.

Instead, I reach for the coffee pot and pour a cup. “Morning. Want to sit down for a minute?”

She flinches, like the sound of my voice scares her, but she grabs her coffee mug and turns to face me. Her eyes are a little puffy, and if the dark circles beneath them are any indication, she got as much sleep as I did. Worry creeps through my limbs.

Is she that upset over her ex? Does she regret being here? Fuck. Does she miss him?

But her expression is blank, emotionless, which is not like Kat. She’s usually so emotive. So expressive.

So this, this gives me pause.

I feel like my feet are being held to the fire, forcing this decision. My parents’ bills are mounting, my bank account is almost tapped, and I’m bleeding cash on repairs here. So I brace myself for this conversation.

We sit across from each other, and I’m dying to ask a thousand questions about last night, but I don’t.

She takes a deep breath, and then she asks, “Are you gonna sell?” Before I can process what she’s saying, she whispers, “Because I heard. About the offer.”

Shit.

“How? How do you know” I wanted to be the one to break the news to her.

One shoulder rises up in a shrug. “At work. Your realtor came in. I saw one of his flyers.”

“I was going to tell you when you got home last night, but then your ex showed up.”

Again, her expression is blank.

Of all the times for her to be reserved. Jesus Christ. I’ll never understand women. Because today, today I need a f*cking hint. Does she want this, whatever this is between us?

I watch her over the rim of my mug as I take a sip. “It’s a great offer. Way more than I expected.”

It’s now or never. I need to lay this all out on the table for her. I need to know.

“So Kat—” I clear my throat. “I want to know what your plans are.” Because I don’t plan to hang out in Texas if she’s taking off. I realize it’s early in our relationship to be deciding these things, but f*ck. I need to know. Relationship? Yeah. We’re in one. We’ve been in one. And this is where the shit hits the fan. Do I sell and head back to Boston or… what? Stay? I need her to give me some kind of indication of what she wants.

“My plans?” She looks confused.

“Yes, your plans. Are you—are you… hanging around? Or are you planning to take off?”

Her brow furrows. “Take off? Why do you think I’m the one leaving?”

Why does she look offended right now?

I scrub my face, hating everything I’m about to say. “Eric made some salient points last night.”

“Salient points?” Okay, now she looks pissed.

“What I mean is you have a great job offer on the line, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding you back. I know what it’s like to have huge, life-altering decisions thrust upon you. To feel like you don’t have a choice. And I want you to know you do. You do have a choice. If you want that job, you should take it. You don’t… you don’t owe me anything.” I say the words I know I should, but I hate every one of them. Hate that she’d accept anything that’s linked to her ex. But a job is a job. I don’t want to stand in her way if that’s what she wants.

Her jaw tightens before she clenches her eyes shut. “The only thing holding me back is everyone telling me they know what I should do. I’ve heard it my entire life, and I’m sick of it.” She glares at me and pushes up her glasses. “I’m sick of people questioning my judgment. If I wanted to work on another campaign, don’t you think I would be by now?”

This beautiful girl looks fierce with the sun streaming down behind her, making her glow. And it will surely kill me to let her go if that’s what she wants, but I can’t let her throw away her career. After everything she went through growing up. After how much her family struggled to make ends meet. I can’t let her do this for me. For this decrepit farm. For promises I probably shouldn’t make.