Second Chance Pass (Virgin River #5)(35)

“God, I just felt so abandoned…” Her face melted into a pathetic, contorted mess of wrinkles. She buried her face in her tissue and let it go for a minute. Resigned, he scooted closer and pulled her against him, holding her while she cried on his chest. “So—what’s in Virgin River that keeps you from even thinking about us up here?”

“Get a grip now,” he said, not answering the question. “I’m not letting you go through this alone. I didn’t know you needed anything.”

“And what if I do?”

“I’ll do my best. But we’d better establish some boundaries. I’m not going to let you do this to me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. I’m in this with you—I’ll coparent and pay support. I’m grateful you’re willing to have the baby, but I’m not going to be manipulated.”

“What if I give it away?”

“If you give it away, you’ll be giving it to me.”

“To take to her?”

“Who?” he asked, startled.

“There has to be a woman. Otherwise you’d give us a chance.”

He sighed. It couldn’t really be that simple, could it? “Listen to me,” he said. He grabbed her chin and turned her face so he could look into those swollen, wet eyes. “This has to do with me and you—and the fact that even though we’re not a couple, we’re having a child together. We have to figure out how to make that work.”

“So there is,” she said.

“There is,” he admitted. “But even if there weren’t…”

“But there is,” she said.

He took a breath. “There might not be, after she hears about this. But that won’t change anything between us. Terri, I’m sorry—I’m fond of you, I care about you, I swear I’ll do my best by you, but I don’t love you. There are three people involved here—you, me, a baby. It wouldn’t be good for any of us to try to make a marriage where there isn’t real bone deep, passionate love. I wouldn’t give us a year—and that would be worse than what we have.” He ran a knuckle down her cheek. “Believe me.”

She was quiet a moment. “You said there was no one,” she whispered. “When we met, when we… You said there was no one in your life…”

“It’s real complicated,” he said.

“But you cheated on her. When she finds out you cheated, she’s going to—”

“Terri, I didn’t cheat on her, all right? I told you the truth. I wasn’t with anyone.”

“I don’t understand. Did you just meet her? After we—?”

“Okay, listen to me. We weren’t together. I knew I had real strong feelings for her, but we weren’t together when I met you and I had no reason to hope we ever would be. She had no idea how I felt. I told you the truth—I wasn’t with a woman and I didn’t want a serious relationship. You said the same thing—you were unattached and liked it that way.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “And now?”

He glanced away. “Things changed. Lots of things changed.”

“Oh God,” she said, falling into a fresh round of tears. “Oh God, your friend’s wife! The one who just died!”

Oh, he thought, this is going to be so much worse than I ever imagined. I swear to God, I’m never having sex again. “Don’t come unglued on me like this,” he said softly. “Listen, there will be times I can’t be there for you—times we’re not in touch. There has to be someone you can talk to when you’re upset and you can’t find me. What about your mother? Is she someone you can talk to about this?”

“Not really,” she said with a sniff. “She thinks I’m crazy to go through with this. She doesn’t believe for one second you’ll be a part of it.”

He took a breath. “I’ll go with you to meet her, help explain what I’m able to do to help. That might put her mind at ease a little bit.”

She lifted her head and looked up at him. “Would you?”

“Sure. After we’ve seen the doctor together.”

“Why do we have to do that?” she asked.

“I have some questions for the doctor. I want to make sure everything is going well. You know?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ll ask a few questions about your health, the baby’s health, insurance, that sort of thing. Once you get through the early months, we’ll see your mother and I’ll reassure her that I’m going to support you. Who’s your doctor?”

“Why?”

“We should make sure you have the best.” He shrugged. “Who?”

“Charlene Weir.”

“When’s your next appointment?”

“Not for a while. I just went. Just before I told you.”

“So, when?”

“A couple of weeks,” she said. “Three, I think.”

“Okay. You be sure to give me the date of the next appointment, okay?”

“Why don’t you just tell me your questions and I’ll get the answers?”

“No,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. “I want to go. I want to be a part of this.”