Second Chance(12)

“That makes sense.” Jack’s face didn’t give much away, but Nate was encouraged by his relaxed posture. He would have hated it if Jack had made him feel any less of a man for his decision.

“Yeah. And I didn’t want to put my body through surgery unless I really needed it. For some trans guys it’s essential in order to combat their dysphoria; but for me, it isn’t. I just need to find the right guy.”

Nate picked up what was left of his pint and drained it. He felt like he’d shared too much. It wasn’t in his nature to open up as much as this, but being with Jack was confusing. The urge to confide in him was strong because of their history. He had to keep reminding himself that in many ways they barely knew each other at all.

“Do you want another drink?” Jack asked. “It’s my round.”

“You didn’t really keep up.” Nate eyed Jack’s drink. “You should have told me you don’t drink. We could have met somewhere else. Gone to a café instead or something.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind being here. Pubs are hard to avoid if you want to have a social life. I need to get used to it. I think the meds are helping with the urge to drink anyway. I’m so sleepy all the time the last thing I need is booze on top of that. I might see if they do coffee. Do you want another beer?”

“I’m driving, so make mine a coffee too.”

“Okay.” Jack got up and went to the bar.

Nate watched him go. His posture and movements were achingly familiar. Jack had always moved with a kind of grace and confidence that Nate had envied. Waiting at the bar, only the strands of grey in his hair gave away his age.





Four





Jack looked at the bottles of whisky lined up behind the bar. The flare of temptation was strong for a moment, but he ignored it. Being with Nate gave him a reason to resist. Nate had faith in him, and Jack didn’t want to let him down. Maybe as he learned to like himself again, he’d eventually be able to be strong for himself and not for other people. Only the shame of disappointing his parents had kept him sober this week. That, and the fact that his parents’ drinks cabinet was empty. Jack suspected they’d locked the contents away in the garage, like they’d done when they went away on holiday when he was eighteen and they didn’t trust him and his mates not to raid it.

After placing the order for two coffees, Jack returned to their table. As Nate looked up and smiled, Jack was struck again by how amazing the transformation was. Now he knew what he was looking for, he could see the shadow of the teenager he’d known, but Nate was undeniably male now—and attractive. There was a delicacy to Nate’s features that Jack appreciated. He’d always liked guys with that kind of look. It didn’t hurt that Nate looked younger than his age either. If Jack had met him in a club, or caught his gaze in a bar, he’d have noticed him immediately.

“Two coffees on their way.” Jack slid into the seat opposite Nate again.

“Thanks. What?” Nate rubbed the light-brown stubble on his cheeks. “Have I got something on my face?”

“Yeah. Facial hair.” Jack grinned.

“Dick.” Nate laughed. “Stop staring. You’re freaking me out.”

“Sorry. It’s taking a bit of getting used to. I need to recalibrate my mental image of you. It would be weird enough meeting you again after all this time even without your transition. I’m trying to imagine what you’d have looked like as a teenage boy.” He studied Nate’s features, trying to de-age him in his mind.

“And can you?”

Jack nodded, his brain supplying a surprisingly vivid memory of a night when Nate had stayed over and had borrowed some of Jack’s boxers to sleep in. Nate’s hair had been a typical unisex style for the 1980s when both sexes had it longer at the back but layered at the sides and short and spiky on top. In a baggy T-shirt and wearing Jack’s boxers with long skinny legs, Nate had looked exactly like a boy. Jack had commented on it teasingly at the time, and Nate had made some disparaging comment about how having boobs ruined it. “You would have been cute.”

Nate held Jack’s gaze, and something like regret flickered in his eyes for a moment. “Probably.” Then he changed the subject abruptly. “So, how’s the job hunting going? Any luck yet?”

“No. But I’ve applied for several so I’m hoping to start getting some interviews soon.”

“What sort of thing are you looking for?”

“Anything at this stage. But as I’m banned from driving I’m limited to public transport. I’m hoping to find something in Marlham rather than having to commute into the city for now.” They were interrupted by a teenage boy arriving with their coffees. Once he’d unloaded the tray and left them in peace, Jack asked, “What do you do for work?”

“I’m self-employed.” Nate poured milk into his coffee and stirred. “I do various things. A bit of web design, copywriting, proofreading, and I blog, and write articles too. Sometimes I manage to pitch those to websites or online magazines.”

“Sounds interesting. And it pays the bills?”

“Yeah. Well, living with Mum, I don’t need as much. Back in London I used to do that alongside working part-time in a coffee shop.”

“So, what sort of articles do you write?”