Scandalized(44)

Skirting around the edge of the room, Eden and I try to find a space to occupy where we aren’t in anyone’s way. My best friend is clearly in fangirl heaven and looks like she hasn’t lived a minute before today, but I am so uncomfortable I might as well be naked in the middle of a foreign city. I am aware that everyone in this room is somehow connected to the show—everyone but us. We hover at the edge near a snack table, but then someone wants to grab something, so we shift to the far wall, but it’s where the cast have left their personal items and we’re asked to move. Alec is still busy talking with the man who looks vaguely director-y and hasn’t even seen us yet.

Why are we here? I want to text him from the Batphone, which, coincidentally, felt like a fun secret-agent gadget before but now makes me feel vaguely sleazy. I’d be so much more comfortable hearing about this event from him later, in the privacy of his room or my apartment, but I know if I tried to tug Eden’s Alec shirt and coax her to the door, she would burst into flames and burn me alive.

Suddenly there is a commotion near the door, and a woman stands on a chair, clapping her hands.

“Hey, everyone,” she calls. “Give me your eyes for just a second.” The room slowly settles into a rumbling quiet. “They’ve started letting people into the venue. We’ll head in there in about ten minutes. The order is: Dan, Alexander, Elodie, Ben, Gal, Becca, then Dev. The format is a moderated Q&A and your host is”—she points to the side and grins—“this guy right here.”

I can’t see The Guy Right There, but everyone breaks out in loud applause, whistling and catcalling, so I have to assume he’s someone interesting. Only when Eden leans over and whispers, “Trevor Noah,” do I actually start to feel the impact of how much celebrity is in this room with us.

When the woman is done with her spiel, she gets off the chair and everyone returns to the conversations from before, but there’s a new energy in the room. I can hear vague sounds coming from down the hall: applause, screams, the vibrating cacophony of a lot of bodies in a small space. I look around, and just as my eyes pass over the corner where Alec had been, his scanning gaze catches mine.

I watch his mouth form a surprised There you are, and he immediately excuses himself to push through the room toward us. He’s wearing a slim-fitting black button-down shirt and dark jeans, but his best accessory is his face-splitting, eye-crinkling smile. My heart drops to my feet.

A few people notice us again, and my skin itches at their attention. I resist the urge to hide behind Eden. Alec comes up to us, shaking our hands—this, too, is very weird—and smiling warmly at us. “You two made it!”

Eden utters something high-pitched and unintelligible in response, and Alec whisks her away to introduce her to a few people nearby. Great. And now I’m alone.

But only a minute later, she is enthusiastically engaged in conversation with a hugely famous American actress, and I am watching Alec return to me, wearing a different smile now. One that feels like a private gift just for me.

I ignore the eyes on him as he approaches, wanting his expression and this secret between us to be the only thing I see and feel. He stops a foot away and, with his back to the room, has the luxury of giving my body a long, seductive once-over.

“Hey.”

I try to plaster a polite smile on my mouth. “Hi.”

“Why didn’t you text me that you were here?”

“You’re…” I flounder. “You’re in famous-person mode.”

He pulls his lower lip into his mouth and narrows his eyes, studying me. “You hate this, don’t you?”

“A normal amount.”

Alec laughs. “I wanted you here, but you look uncomfortable. It was selfish.”

I glance to the room behind him. “I’m okay, I promise. I just—” I look back at him and laugh. “You’ll get maybe one minute with me before you go.”

“I just like knowing you’re here,” he says. “Does that make sense?”

I nod. It does make sense. Everything about him just makes sense.

He looks like he wants to kiss me. His cheeks are flushed, eyes bright. In my peripheral vision, I see the woman from the chair lead Trevor Noah out of the greenroom, and only seconds later, sound reaches us. I can hear people screaming. Women screaming. It sounds like a cloud of bees, a roaring swarm.

I don’t think I’m ready to be truly faced with the reality of his celebrity yet. All of our moments up to now—except for the airport in LA—have been just us. Him as a man, me as a woman. The two of us falling forward into something neither of us can really label. I’m not a person who ever wanted something like this. Being with a celebrity isn’t in my fantasy spank bank. I want the Seattle hotel, the LA hotel. I want our beach day; I want last night, goofing off with Eden. I want later, in my bed, with him telling me again how he needs to find a new word to describe my expression when he touches me. I want to hear him say again that he’s desperate for me.

Alec captures my chin with his thumb and finger, redirecting my attention so that I meet his eyes. “Don’t.”

“How can I not?” I shake my head, laughing. “I knew, but I didn’t realize.”

“Look at my face.” He stares at me, and his focus is so intense that slowly, the sound of screaming ebbs away. The periphery turns milky white. “I need to ask you something important.”