Say the Word(50)

“You didn’t see the look in her eyes, Fae. Something terrible is happening to those girls. I might not have proof yet, but I can sense it with every fiber of my being. And I’m going to find out what it is.”

“I don’t like this,” Fae told me.

“Neither do I.” I swirled the dark red liquid in my glass, watching as light from the setting sun through the window refracted off it. “But for Vera… I have to do something.”

My cellphone buzzed on the coffee table, vibrating with an incoming text message. I scanned the screen quickly and, nosy as ever, Fae peered over my shoulder to read it too.

Desmond: Babe! Dinner tomorrow?

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Are you going to say yes?”

“I don’t know.” I stared at the screen, riddled with indecision.

“Because of Sebastian?” she asked, leaning forward to catch my eyes.

“Yes. No. Maybe.” I sighed. “I don’t know, okay? It just feels wrong to date someone who I feel nothing more than friendship for.”

“Well, I think you should go. You’ve barely given him a chance,” Fae said.

“Said the girl who never dates.”

“I date!” Fae protested.

I snorted into my wine glass.

“I do!” she snapped. “I’m the Luster relationship expert for god’s sake! Women from all over the country write in every month for advice after reading my column.”

“No, love, you really don’t,” I said, patting her thigh gently. “And in the rare case that you do, it’s with emotionally unavailable men who you know won’t get attached. You might be the Luster relationship expert, but you haven’t been in an actual relationship in all the time I’ve known you.”

“That’s so false.” Fae pouted, jutting out her bottom lip like a little girl. “There was… Paul!”

“Paul was your very openly gay yoga partner,” I said, shaking my head.

“Ben,” Fae suggested.

“Wasn’t he engaged to a girl from Jersey?”

“Well, what about Tom?” she asked, cheeks flushing.

“The security guy at your building?” I elbowed her in the arm. “Pretty sure he doesn’t count either.”

“Fine, so I don’t date,” she muttered, planting her chin in her palm. “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”

“Besides the fact that you’re the Luster relationship expert, that is?” I laughed.

“Shut up.”

“Fine, maybe because you insist on setting me up with every available penis in the tri-state area, but never even attempt to find someone for yourself?”

Fae giggled, but didn’t counter my words. She knew I was right.

“Or, maybe because you’re gorgeous and could have anyone you wanted in this city?” I proposed gently. This wasn’t the first time we’d discussed her lack of male companionship, but usually she just laughed me off or evaded the subject entirely. This time, though, she seemed to take my words to heart — maybe now that she knew a bit about my past, she finally felt free to talk about her own.

Fae was silent for a long time, her laughter subsiding and a sad, reflective expression overtaking her face. “There was a guy, a long time ago. He was…” she drifted off, her eyes distant with memories. “Well, we were too young, and it was too serious.”

“First love?” I asked, treading carefully. I didn’t want to scare her off, not when she was finally opening up to me. Fae was many things — warm, fashionable, funny, beautiful — but forthcoming wasn’t one of them.

“I guess you could call him that,” she said. “People say you never forget your first love, that you carry them with you in your heart for the rest of your days. And they’re right. I just wish someone had warned me about that when I was eighteen.”

“Tell me about it,” I murmured, Sebastian’s face appearing in my mind.

Fae laid her head down on my shoulder and, for a moment, we found comfort in the fact that though we may have lost our first loves, we’d found each other. I didn’t press her for more details; when she was ready, she’d tell me.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Fae whispered. “About seeing him?”

I nodded.

“I’ll miss you at work. It won’t be the same without you.”

“It’s temporary,” I told her. “Sebastian will be gone again as soon as these shoots are done, and I’ll be back on 57th in my cubicle with the rest of the Harding slaves before you know it.”

I wished my heart didn’t ache so much at the thought of him walking back out of my life, with nothing resolved between us. I wished the past didn’t have to stay in the past. And, most of all, I wished I could live the way those two naive teenagers had aspired to all those years ago, and find a way back to him regardless of the odds stacked against us. Unfortunately, without a magic genie or a fairy godmother at my disposal, I was pretty certain my wishes would go unanswered.

When Fae left for the night, I corked the bottle of Merlot and made myself a quick dinner — otherwise known as pouring some Cool Ranch Doritos into a bowl — and texted Desmond back.

Dinner tomorrow sounds great. Call you after work.