Say the Word(46)
As we moved together, the initial pain eventually gave way to pleasure and, finally, to an aching sense of completeness as our limbs turned languid and eventually stilled altogether. The crisp spring air cooled our heated skin as we lay chest to chest, our breaths mingling and labored, and disappeared for a time into one another. Sebastian pressed a kiss into my hair and nipped my earlobe gently.
“You didn’t even let me light the candles,” he grumbled, tilting my face so our gazes caught.
“Sorry,” I said, grinning unapologetically. “I was just so turned on by the fact that you like Jane Austen, I couldn’t control myself.”
Sebastian glared at me. “If you reveal my secrets to anyone, I’ll be forced to seek retribution,” he threatened in a low voice, his fingers tickling my sides lightly.
“Oh, don’t worry,” I told him, rolling my eyes. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Good,” he said grinning. “Because it would really suck to have to kill the girl I’m falling for.”
I stared at him wide-eyed, wondering if this was just another part of his teasing, but found nothing but sincerity in the depths of his hazel gaze. “You’re falling for me?” I breathed.
“Of course I am,” he told me, sighing. “And of course, you’d doubt it.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, growing defensive.
“Lux, It was obvious from the first moment I met you that you don’t see yourself very clearly. You have no idea how beautiful you are. And, yeah, at first maybe it was that undeniable, exterior beauty that drew me to you. But once I got to know you — once I realized that your beauty wasn’t just surface level, that it extended down to your soul — it was only a matter of time before I fell for you.”
I opened my mouth to respond — with what, I wasn’t sure, because I didn’t feel entirely confident in my abilities to formulate words at the moment — but Sebastian continued speaking.
“You’re entirely selfless. You work yourself to the bone to pay off your brother’s medical expenses, and you do it with a smile on your face because you love him. You go without basic necessities and have no regrets about it, if it means Jamie has better care. You give love deeply and freely without expecting a damn thing in return,” he told me, his hand cupping my jaw and one thumb stroking my cheek. “You are remarkable. A gift. Completely unlike everyone I grew up surrounded by.” He shook his head in disbelief. “My parents and their high society friends…they’re poison. But you’re my antidote.”
I stared into his eyes, feeling my own fill slowly with tears.
“You idiot!” I blubbered, my voice trembling with emotion. I knew I probably sounded like a crazy person, but I didn’t care. At the moment, I was full to the brim with love and fear, and the only outlet for my emotions was spilling over from beneath my lashes and tracking down my cheeks.
Sebastian’s brows rose in question even as his thumbs worked to wipe the tears from my damp face. “Well, I have to admit, that wasn’t the exact reaction I was expecting…”
“This was sup-supp-supposed,” I forced out between hiccups. “To b-b-be a fling. You weren’t su-supposed to f-f-fall for me.” My tone was mournful, the tears coming faster and faster. Sebastian could no longer stem their flow down my cheeks, and his expression was completely bewildered as he watched me falling to emotional pieces.
“W-why’d you have to be so w-wond-wonderful?” I wailed, smacking him on the arm. “You made me f-f-fall for you, too, you idiot!”
I was a snotty, sniveling mess and I wasn’t even sure why.
Maybe because, in all my life, I’d never expected that a boy like Sebastian could ever care for someone like me. Maybe because my intended pre-college carefree dalliance had spiraled quickly out of control, and suddenly I was head over heels for a boy so far out of my reach I feared I’d never be able to hold onto him. And maybe, just maybe, because in spite of everything he’d said, I was terrified that forces beyond our control might someday tear us apart — and with that, tear out my heart.
Bash wouldn’t have understood if I’d voiced my nagging fears. Hell, I barely understood them.
“You fell for me?” he asked, his grin so bright it nearly hurt my eyes.
I nodded miserably.
He leaned forward and kissed the tears from my cheeks, before brushing my mouth with his own.
“Good,” he whispered.
Chapter Sixteen
Now
I stared unwaveringly at the red voicemail icon on my cellphone screen.
The phone was sitting on my coffee table, propped against a jar candle five feet from my spot on the couch, where I sat with my arms crossed and my wary eyes narrowed in indecision. The little round alert symbol was taunting me.
Play me, it whispered. You know you want to hear what he has to say.
I reached out a hand to grab the phone, but pulled back at the last second. I wasn’t ready for this. Maybe I needed another glass — or three — of wine. Or maybe I could get Fae to come over and hold my hand so we could listen together.
Though the number wasn’t registered to any of my phone contacts, I recognized it from the business card Jeanine had handed me Friday afternoon. As to why I had a missed call from that number now, well after dinner hours on a Saturday night, I could only speculate.