Rushing the Goal (Assassins #8)(28)

Silence fell between the two, and as it had been for the last twenty-four hours, Lucy’s mind went to Benji. Would she defend him if Rick said anything? Or would she ignore Rick like she tried to do most of the time? Another reason why she couldn’t ever even think of trying to date Benji—it would be cruel to subject him to the vile person Rick was. He’d run the other way. Yeah. It wouldn’t work. She would be setting everyone up for failure.

“Whoa, silence isn’t how you roll, Lucy. What’s up?”

Lucy’s lips curved as she looked up at the ceiling. “Angie’s coach, Benji…he asked me out last night, and I’ve been thinking about it like crazy.”

“Whattttt?” she yelled and Lucy laughed. “What did you say? Yes, right?”

“No,” Lucy said, and she was surprised with how sad she sounded. “I probably should have. He’s this big, awkward, sweet guy—God, he’s so cute—and he’s got to be in his thirties, so you know he isn’t looking for a fling. I don’t want to get involved, have it go south, and then Angie gets hurt, y’know?”

“Oh,” Avery said, sounding just as sad as Lucy. “But you need to be happy too, Lucy. I’ve said this many times. Everyone has. Y’all are adults, and if he’s as great as Angie says he is, I doubt he would let what happens between you two affect his relationship with her.”

“Yeah, but I’m good. I’m happy.”

Lucy paused, though, and she wasn’t sure if Avery believed her. Hell, she wasn’t sure she believed herself. Sometimes she felt like something was missing in her soul. A piece that Rick had taken and ruined. She wasn’t saying that Benji was that piece, she didn’t know the guy, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to at least see if he was. Which was a first. And that should mean something. But she knew at the point in her life she was in, a relationship just wouldn’t work.

Clearing her throat, Lucy smiled as Avery struggled with her words. “I love you, you know that.”

“I do.”

“And I mean this with all the love in my soul, I do, Lucy, but you’re happy with Angie, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But when she’s gone, you’re nowhere near happy. You are lonely and worry so much about her that it’s affecting you. Jace tells me all the time that you used to be the person who had a grin on your face all the time. The only time I see you smile is when you hold Ashlyn or when you’re talking to Angie—”

Offended, Lucy sat up. “That’s not true, I smile all the time.”

“But it doesn’t reach your eyes. It doesn’t seem real,” Avery said slowly. “You’re so bitter and angry, and you do so well shielding Angie from that, but sometimes I think maybe you don’t want to be happy.”

Swallowing hard, Lucy picked at a string on her twill pants. “I am happy.”

“Lucy.”

Just her name, and it said so much. Clearing her throat, Lucy shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Did you want to say yes to him?”

“I did,” she said simply. “But it just wouldn’t work. My life is so busy, I don’t have time, and it wouldn’t be fair to him when the shitshow of Rick comes through.”

“Why the hell does Rick matter?”

Closing her eyes, she fought back the tears. She didn’t like thinking of Rick; she didn’t like the power he held over her. But the memory of herself crouched in a corner, him above her with a belt, screaming at her, was something she still couldn’t shake. She was gone with her baby as soon as she regained consciousness, her sperm-donor father drawing up divorce papers. But she knew what he was capable of. And that scared her. “He always said that if I ever tried to be with anyone, he’d ruin my life. That he didn’t want any man around his daughter.”

“Oh, Lucy, please don’t tell me that’s what’s keeping you from being with someone?”

Lucy laughed a soulless laugh. “I’m not scared of him; I’m scared of what he could do. He can’t touch me, and he won’t—I know he won’t—but he could hurt Angie trying to get to me, and I can’t have that.”

“So you are.”

Lucy snapped her mouth shut and then shook her head. “For an eighteen-year-old, you’re kinda smart, you know that?”

Avery laughed. “Hey, I’m nineteen! And yeah, I am. But I need you to let that go. You will protect Angie, and you know we all will too. But Luce, you need to be happy.”

“Eh, it will come,” she said simply, letting out a long breath. “Plus, I don’t see men lining up at the door wanting to be with me.”

“True, but there is one man,” Avery added and Lucy glared. “Maybe give him a chance?”

Closing her eyes, she decided she wouldn’t be calling Avery much anymore. The girl was too smart for her own good.

“I pissed you off?”

Lucy grinned, leaning on her desk. “I don’t like when people point out what I’m trying to ignore.”

“Oh. Well, then maybe we shouldn’t talk?”

That had them both laughing. “I love you, Aves.”

“Love you too. Now, call your mom. She needs you to go pick out wedding dresses with her.”