Ruin(55)

“Gabe has stuff for you.” I nodded to the door. “My dad has a suite in his own private part of the hospital. You and Gabe can sleep there and take showers, alright? I’m assuming you want to be here and—”
“I’m not leaving your side,” she vowed.
That was what I’d been afraid of. I would be the one leaving and she — she would stay.
“Alright.” I yawned and gave her a wink. “I’ll be done in a bit and then we can talk all about how I’m the worst boyfriend in the world for missing the Homecoming party.”
She smiled at that and walked out of the room.
“Beautiful girlfriend.”
I looked at the nurse, not caring that she was probably going to think I was crazy and said, “I would make her my wife if I could.”
The nurse smiled and patted my arm. “Don’t give up yet. Sometimes when we think God has written The End, what he really means is The Beginning.”
****

The MRI scared the hell out of me. I always hated them but wasn’t given much of a choice in this instance. Instead of concentrating on not moving — I thought about Kiersten. I imagined what she would look like when she was thirty. Would her smile still be the same? Would her belly be swollen with a child? Damn, but I wanted the child to be mine. I bit down hard on my lip. I had to stay still, my fists wanted to clench. I wanted to yell. My visions went on fast forward to Kiersten as an old woman sitting on the porch holding her husband’s hand. I wasn’t sure why I was torturing myself. Hell, I’d known her for three months, but it wasn’t that instant love thing that had been a part of all my teenage and college years. I knew it was real. Maybe that was God’s final gift to me — true love.
Before I knew it, the MRI was over and my face was wet with tears. The minute I could move I wiped the wetness from my face so nobody would notice. The last time I cried was when Tye died. Funny, how death really brings it out in people. Three months ago I was ready. Three months ago I had accepted my fate. But now? Now I wanted more than anything to be a part of Kiersten’s story, not just a chapter, but the entire damn book. I just wasn’t sure what the plan was. All I knew is it was out of my control. Maybe that was the scariest thing. In life we always have some measure of control whether it be over our emotions or choices, but when it comes to cancer? The only thing you can control is how you respond to it.
“How are you feeling?” that same nurse asked. She had bright blond hair, almost translucent. Her skin was a pale white, but she didn’t look washed out. She was really pretty, though I couldn’t tell how old she was. Maybe thirty? Forty? I must have looked confused, because she put her warm hand to my forehead. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No, sorry.” I laughed. “I just, I know this sounds strange, but I can’t tell how old you are.”
Her smile brightened. “We’re as old as we feel, right?”
“Right.” And I felt hella old. Especially after that morning’s round of medications. At least I didn’t have to swallow anything anymore. Nah, they just pumped all those fun drugs directly into my veins. Lucky me.
“Weston.” Her voice was crisp. “It’s going to be okay.” She grabbed my hand and patted it.
I looked at her name tag, Angela. It fit. She seemed more angel than nurse anyway.
“Thanks, Angela.”
She looked at me in confusion.
I pointed to the name tag.
She laughed. “Brilliant college boys.”
“What can I say?” I grinned as she helped me back to my bed.
Forty-one or forty-five. I was going to stick with that. She was probably the same age as my mom would have been before her untimely death. She’d had blond hair too. It was probably why I was acting like a lunatic. I wondered if the drugs did that to me, made me more emotional than normal.
“Sleep,” Angela ordered upon returning me to my room. “And I’ll be sure to wake you when your future wife arrives.” She winked.
I couldn’t trust myself to talk. Although I appreciated the nurse’s optimism, it fell on deaf ears. I was already starting to feel the cold seep into my limbs — as if death was coming for me and there was nothing I could do but wait for its all-consuming presence.
“God…” I choked on the word. “I know we haven’t talked much in the past few years. Hell, I told you I hated you when Tye took his own life.” I cursed again and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t even care about myself anymore, just promise me she’ll be okay. If I don’t make it… if you take me, just let Kiersten be okay. She can’t go down that road — I don’t care if you have to punish me, God. If she’s going to suffer, give me her pain instead. If her heart’s going to break, break mine for hers. Please, God… please.” The drugs Angela had given me started to kick in, I fell into a dreamless sleep with that prayer repeating over and over again in my head.



Chapter Forty-Two

Three months ago I wouldn’t have been strong enough to go through this. Now? Now I felt like Hulk — I’d hold his hand through it, we’d walk through the battle together and in the end, we’d still be holding hands.

Kiersten
“Should I be worried that you haven’t said one word since we’ve gotten in the car?” Gabe asked.
I shook my head. “Nah, just thinking.”
“Right, women and thinking. That never causes any problems for the human race.”
“Hilarious.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand. “Gabe?”