Ruby Shadows (Born to Darkness #3)(63)
“Whatever.” She looked away. “I wasn’t trying to call a fire demon.”
I spread my hands. “I cannot help my nature. And why is it so important to you what sort of demon I am, anyway?”
“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” She looked down at her hands resting lightly on Kurex’s saddle.
“But I do mind, mon ange. Do you now blame me for showing you what I am? Or part of what I am even though we were in danger?”
“We wouldn’t have been in danger if you hadn’t lost your temper,” she reminded me tightly. “But I guess I should’ve known better than to expect anything else from a demon.”
“I am not just a demon,” I said, frowning.
“No—you’re also a huge-ass dragon-snake thing, apparently.” She rounded on me. “Is that what you were talking about? What you didn’t want to show me—your true form?”
“It is not,” I said coldly, letting a little of the irritation I was feeling creep into my voice. “It is simply one of my many guises but it is not the truth of me—the heart of my nature.”
She shivered. “If your true form is worse than that one, I don’t know that I want to see it.”
“Don’t worry, Gwendolyn,” I said softly. “After seeing how you reacted to my dragon form, I would not presume to reveal my true self to you. I do not wish to make you fear or hate me anymore than you already do.”
She looked suddenly stricken.
“It’s not that I hate you—”
“I know. You just don’t like me very much,” I finished, throwing her own words back at her.
It was clear she didn’t know what to say. Her cheeks flushed and she shook her head, looking away.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “Sorry I can’t help my reaction to what I saw—what you became.”
“I am sorry too.” I sighed wearily, rubbing my hand over my face. All the hard work of earning her trust had been wasted—shattered in an instant the moment she saw me change. But why? I had told her I had other forms. Was the sight of me in that particular one so horrible? And how would she ever be able to face any of my other forms—especially my true one? I could not answer the question—I was beginning to think there was no answer, that my quest to win her affections was utterly hopeless.
But why should I care? She was only a mortal, I told myself. Only a little human with a life as brief as the butterfly I had compared her with. Why should I wish so desperately for her to care for me? I wished I knew and that I could rip that part out of me but somehow I could not. Even now, I could not.
“Tell me something—why wasn’t Kurex scared of you in that…that form?” Gwendolyn asked, pulling me out of my miserable thoughts. “I mean, I don’t know a lot about horses but I bet it would have scared most of them to death. Is it because he’s from here—because he’s a Hell horse or a Demon-steed or whatever?”
“Kurex was not spooked by my form because he had seen it often during the Celestial wars,” I explained. “I used it when I went into battle—the better to destroy and despoil the enemy.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “But weren’t you the general? I thought they were supposed to stay on the sidelines and just give the orders.”
“I was not that kind of general,” I said. “I always took part in the battle.”
“I see.” Gwendolyn looked away.
“So now you know why Kurex didn’t fear me—tell me why you did. Aside from the obvious,” I said. “Yes, I know it is a terrible and frightening form but there is something else—something you’re not telling me. What is it?”
“I…” She looked away evasively. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s private.”
“Very well,” I said, leading Kurex around another sand pit. “I will let you keep your secret for now. But sooner or later I expect to be told the reason for your extreme distress.” I reached up and took her hand. “Until you tell me what I’ve done wrong, I cannot make it right, Gwendolyn.”
She slipped her hand away from mine quickly.
“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about this desert. How big is it? And how long are we going to be in it—it’s freaking hot out here.”
“Minauros—the Great Desert or the Desert of Death as some call it, stretches for a thousand leagues in every direction,” I said.
Her eyes widened. “A thousand leagues? How long is a league?”
“A league is three of your miles or four kilometers,” I said.
“What? How are we ever going to get to the other side of it going at this rate?” she demanded motioning down at Kurex who was still clopping slowly along through the sands.
“Easily. We did not appear in at the middle of Minauros when we crossed into this circle. The barrier between it and Baator is only about a day’s journey from the barrier to Stygia, the fourth circle of Hell.”
“Oh…well, then.” Gwendolyn looked vastly relieved. “What’s that like then? More dessert?”
“Hardly. It is the complete opposite of Minauros. Stygia is a frozen waste—as cold as Minauros is hot. The two regions were once ruled over jointly by a pair of Great Demons who loved each other—or what passes for love with our kind. They are Magda, She of the Bloody Hands and Moloch the Inimitable. That’s a tribute to Moloch there.” I nodded at the vast obsidian pyramid that still rose in the distance on our left.