Rooted (Pagano Family #3)(87)
“God, my love. You scared the shit out of me.”
Her smile faded, and he knew she was becoming fully aware. “Oh, f*ck. Theo. The baby—Teresa—they took her from me. It’s too early.”
“Shhh.” He brushed his fingers across her forehead. “I’ve seen her. She’s beautiful. And they say she’s feisty like her mother.”
She smiled, but Theo could see tears pooling in her eyes. “I need to see her.”
“When you’re strong enough. When you can get into a wheelchair, I’ll take you to her.”
“No. Now. I need to see her now.” She grabbed the bedrail with the hand he wasn’t holding and tried to sit up. She only got a few inches before she cried out and dropped back to the pillow, her heart monitor beginning to sing.
“Carmen, you were shot, and you had a C-section. You are not getting out of this bed today. When I see her again, I’ll take some pictures. You focus on getting strong so you can hold her.”
Tears spilled onto her cheeks, but she nodded. “But she’s okay?”
Theo brushed his knuckles over her silken skin, wiping the tears away. He didn’t want to tell her about the priest and what that seemed to mean. “She’s very little, but she’s fighting hard.”
“I’m so sorry, Theo. Everything’s so f*cked up between us, and I did it. I’m sorry.”
He almost hushed her again, but instead of soothing her, he took her chin between his fingers and turned her head so that they were locked eye to eye. “That’s the second time you’ve apologized to me for breaking us up, Carmen. So I ask you again: do you love me?”
“Yes.” She hadn’t hesitated at all.
“Do you want to be with me?”
“Yes!” She nodded in his grip.
“Then you have to stop running from me. We work out our problems. We stay together. Right?” He knew he was taking advantage of her weakened condition, but he didn’t actually care. He’d just driven like a bat out of hell through four states in a haze of terror because she and their daughter had been f*cking shot. He was through with her fear and her drama. “Trust me to love you, Carmen. I do—so much. Just let me. Please.”
She nodded and whispered, “I love you.”
“Good.” He kissed her.
oOo
“Okay, you ready?” Carmen nodded, and Sandy, Theo’s favorite NICU nurse, smiled at him. “You want to do the honors, Daddy?”
Theo leaned into the bassinet, lifted Teresa in his hands, and pressed her to his bare chest. He had taken to wearing a button-down shirt every day, because the nurses encouraged as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. They called it ‘kangaroo care,’ and the first time he’d felt his little girl’s scant weight on his chest had nearly unmanned him.
After almost a month, Teresa was out of the isolette for long stretches of each day. She still needed help breathing, and she wasn’t anywhere near ready to go home, but she was strong and gaining every day. Sandy had been right that first day—their little girl was a fighter.
Carmen’s progress had been slower. She’d had to fight off a nasty staph infection and had been weak enough for Theo to find a new depth of fear. But through it all, she had, with the help of the nurses, expressed her milk to keep her supply going. She’d been released the week before, and she had kept expressing on her own, bringing the milk with her every day to the NICU and expressing there, too.
In the meantime, Teresa’s digestive system had matured enough that she was ready to feed normally, rather than from a tube in her belly.
Today, Carmen was ready to nurse, and Teresa was ready to feed. Whether she would root and latch was the question. Theo handed their daughter, still very small but so much bigger now, to Carmen. Sandy helped mother and daughter get into a comfortable, likely position.
Sandy held Teresa’s head at Carmen’s breast. “Here, Daddy. Why don’t you do this? Once she latches, you can let go.”
Theo went over and put his hand on Teresa’s head. Sandy slid a chair behind him and he sat. Carmen brushed her nipple on Teresa’s cheek. At first, nothing. Teresa squirmed and fussed, but didn’t root. Carmen did it again. And again. On the third pass, Carmen leaked a little onto Teresa’s lips. She opened her mouth and turned. And then she latched.
Theo knew when Carmen felt the first pull of milk through her breast and into Teresa’s sucking mouth. He had no idea how it felt, of course, but Maggie had described it as indescribable. Carmen’s eyes lifted to his, and he could see that she would agree. He smiled. “I love you. I love you both with all I have.”
Sitting in the NICU, they watched their four-week-old daughter, not yet even four pounds, nurse like a pro.
oOo
That night, lying together in the loft, as Theo began to doze, Carmen whispered, “I don’t know if I can leave here.”
And Theo was wide awake again.
Teresa’s doctors estimated that she would be in the hospital for another two to four weeks. When she was released, Theo was taking his girls to Maine. They’d decided together. Carmen was going to spend the next few weeks getting her staff set up so that she could come down a couple of times a month and check in. She would come in for proposals and client meetings, too, but otherwise, she would operate from Maine and stay home as much as she could with Teresa. John was going to rent the beach house from her, so she didn’t even have to give up this place she loved. And they would be away from the bloodshed. It was a perfect solution.