Rooted (Pagano Family #3)(45)

He turned and went to the kitchen. Not to hide, exactly. But to be away. He got himself some coffee and aspirin and sat alone at the table, waiting for them to be done and to be gone.

He wondered in which apartment the two happy little lovebirds would be spending their nights together now. No longer would they have a place to themselves. It didn’t much matter for the moment, though. Carmen and Rosa were heading for Germany the next day.

Eli leaned on the doorframe. “She’s packed. We’re going. But I’ll be back. I’ll stick with you tonight. We can talk.”

Theo shook his head. “No. Be with your girl. I’m good. We’ll talk while she’s away.”

“You’re not good, Dad.”

“Maybe not. But I want you to have your night with your girl. I’m fine on my own.”

Eli was quiet for several seconds. Theo had the impression that his son was evaluating him. “Okay. We’ll stay over there. But Dad, do me a favor.”

“Sure.”



“Don’t go get more booze today.”

Theo turned and scowled at him. He was pissed—who did this kid think he was, making judgments like that? He was careful, though, to answer calmly. “It’s not a problem, Eli. I just had a bad night last night. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Then take today off. If it’s not a problem.”

“Fine. Whatever. Wasn’t going to drink today anyway.”

“Good. I’ll call and check in, okay?”

“Go on, Eli. Rosa’s waiting.”

He went, and they left the apartment a few minutes later.

It was after his dinner of leftovers before Theo needed to make a run down to the market.





11



Carmen lay in bed and stared out the window. The morning sounds of the city were driving her insane, but she didn’t have the energy to get up and close the balcony doors.

She could hear Rosa and Eli milling about in the flat, talking quietly, too. She really hoped Rosa would do as she’d asked and say goodbye to Eli here. She didn’t want to have to watch their picturesque goodbye at the train station. They were going to be away only a week, but Rosa was looking at the calendar, seeing that their summer was almost over, and getting maudlin about saying goodbye to her honey.

Eli had been planning to return to the States at around the same time, and the two of them had been talking for a couple of weeks now about how they’d stay together. Would Eli move to Providence? Would Rosa move to Maine? Would they both move someplace new? It was all sweet and romantic and far too f*cking fast, but Rosa was truly happy, and that had changed her. She was calmer, more thoughtful. Not a complete makeover, but a noticeable improvement.

Now, though, Eli had decided to stay in Paris longer—and that, as far as Rosa was concerned, was Carmen’s fault. Eli didn’t want to leave his father alone. Because Carmen had broken his heart, apparently.

Well, grow a pair, Theodore. Shit happens. Life’s a bitch. Pick your bitter platitude.

Telling her she was afraid. No, she was not. Fuck him straight to hell.

She tried to hold on to that attitude and the shield that came with it, but she couldn’t keep it steady. Her chest hurt. Fuck, it hurt so bad.

She did love him. Denying it to him was important, but she couldn’t deny it to herself. Despite every effort and intention, she’d fallen in love with a man who wore his love for another woman around his goddamn neck every second of his life. He was writing another goddamn book about his love for her.

Maybe he loved Carmen, too. She at least believed that he believed he did. But he’d never love her enough.

She’d told him his pendants were poignant. They were poignant. They made her ache.

A knock on the door uprooted her thoughts. “Carm? Eli made Dutch babies for breakfast. Come eat.”

She didn’t even know what a Dutch baby was. More than anything this morning, Carmen wanted to avoid sitting at the table with Eli and Rosa, the two of them being all sweet and in love, and both looking at her with an infuriating combination of concern and disapproval. She’d had her fill of it since she’d come into the apartment Monday evening and found them curled on the sofa watching a French news program. They were on Theo’s side, so she wished they’d just go hang out at his place and leave her the f*ck alone.

“Thanks, Rosie. Not hungry. I’m just going to chill for awhile, then hop in the shower.” They’d be on the train in a few hours, and she’d have a week free from being confronted by everything that she’d let go wrong in Paris.

Assuming Rosa would let up about it.

“You sure?”

Carmen sighed. “Yes, sis. Go have your breakfast.”

Finally, she heard the creak of the floor as Rosa left her alone. And Carmen got back to tearing herself up for wanting shit she couldn’t have. She’d known better. Nothing good came from walking the path of want. Why even bother to try?

Her heart raced and her head ached, as if her sadness and disappointment were so deep that it was literally making her sick.

She tossed the duvet back and got up, headed to the bathroom. She’d take a hot bath; maybe that would calm her down. One look at the deep tub brought the memories back of the last bath she’d had. Her throat constricted sharply, and breath became a struggle.