Rooted (Pagano Family #3)(44)

The taxi had stopped. Carmen shoved some euros at the driver before Theo could get his wallet out, and he took them with a quiet “Merci” and got out and went to the trunk. When she got out, Theo followed.

She took her bag from the driver and said, “Il a besoin de…uh, ride? He needs a ride still?”

The driver shook his head. “Pardon?” Most taxi drivers in Paris Theo had encountered spoke great English; apparently not this one. Good, because Theo wasn’t getting back in the goddamn car.

Carmen tried again. “Fuck. Il vit… oh FUCK.”

Theo grabbed his bag. “Merci. Bon soir.” The driver nodded, clearly relieved, and hurried back into his cab.

“You shouldn’t have done that. You’re not coming in. We’re done.”

She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm. When she tried to jerk herself free, he held on and pulled her close. “I’m not done telling you what I know. I know you’re afraid. You’re afraid of f*cking everything.”

She slapped him, hard, knocking his head to the side and setting fire to his cheek. But he held on.

“I’m not afraid of anything, *. Get your goddamn hand off me.” Her voice was quiet and shaking—a snarl.

He dropped his bag on the sidewalk and grabbed her in both hands. “You’re so afraid, Carmen. You’re afraid of letting your family down. You’re afraid of living your life on your terms. You’re afraid to let yourself be happy. And you’re afraid to let yourself love. You’re afraid of all of it. I see it every day, in everything you do.”

She stopped struggling and laughed. “Oh, that’s right. I don’t love you, so it must be because I’m afraid to love. Arrogant prick. Drop dead.”

“You love me. You told me.”

“I was drunk, you idiot!”

That was a f*cking absurd excuse. “Drunk words, sober thoughts.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, would you stop with the lame lines and platitudes? I don’t love you. I don’t want you. It was a great summer. You’re a great f*ck. That’s all it was. Fucking. And now we’re done. Let. GO!” She yanked harder, and this time, suddenly just tired, he let her go.

She picked her bag up from the sidewalk and stalked to the door. As she pulled it open, he said that last thing he could think to say.

“I love you, beautiful girl.”

She paused, but she didn’t turn. And then she went inside.

Theo picked up his bag and walked the few blocks to Hunter Anders’ ‘pied-à-terre.’ Alone.



oOo



When Eli came into the apartment much later, Theo was sitting in the dark library. His head had stopped tormenting him about Carmen some time ago. Now he was just enjoying the dark.

“Dad?”

“In here.”

Eli came to the doorway, and Theo looked over the back of the sofa at him. With the light from the living room glowing behind him, he was little more than a shadow nearly filling the entrance.

The shadow spoke. “I just left Rosa with Carmen. What happened?”

“Is she okay?” He tried to wonder whether she was regretting being such a bitch, but his head didn’t want to hold the thought.

“She’s…yeah. Okay. I guess. What happened?” Eli came into the room. “God, Dad. Look at you.”

Theo looked down at himself. The room canted a little as he turned his head down, but otherwise everything looked normal. He brought the glass in his hand up and took a drink. “I’m okay, too.”

Eli moved a stack of Hunter’s art books and sat on the low table in front of the sofa, facing his father. “Dad.”

Theo laughed. “Elias. How’s Rosa? Did you have a good weekend? Is she your true love?”

“She’s good. We had a good weekend. And maybe. Let me help you to bed. You need to sleep it off.”

The bed was empty. Again. He was so damn tired of sleeping in an empty bed. So damn tired. He pushed his son’s hands away. “Nah. I like it in here. And I want you to tell me about your good weekend. I had a good weekend, too. Mostly.”

“I have no idea what you’re saying. How much did you drink?”

Theo laughed and tapped his pleasantly quiet head. “Enough. I know what I’m doing, son. Son. My son. You’re a good son. We should get Jordan out here again before you go back.”

“Jordan’s not here, Dad.” Before Theo could say he knew that, Eli stood. “Okay. At least lie down for me. I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket.” Eli pulled Theo down to lie on the sofa, then said, “I’ll be right back.”

Theo had no idea if Eli ever came back. Black took him over almost as soon as he lay down.



oOo



The next afternoon, while Theo was still in the jaws of a righteous hangover that seemed to intend to last all day, Eli brought Rosa over to collect Carmen’s things. Over the weeks that they’d been together, most of her things, he thought, had found their way here.

Rosa brought an empty suitcase in. She was quiet and looked embarrassed. Guilty, too.

“I’m sorry, Theo. Carmen’s…I don’t know. I don’t even understand her.”

Theo waved her comment, and the pang it made, away. “It’s fine, sweetheart. Take what you came for. You know where the bedroom and bathroom are.”