Rodeo Christmas at Evergreen Ranch (Gold Valley #13)(67)

“We love you,” her mom said. “We love you just the way you are. Anything that seemed different... I’m sorry. I’m not perfect. And I didn’t mean to put all of that onto you. But I did grieve your sister. I do. So much.”

“Mom...”

“I’m so sorry. I know that I made mistakes with you. I know that I wasn’t healed and I know that I had issues that I needed to sort out. I know that. I am so... So sorry that I didn’t do it better. That I made you think you had to be some kind of substitute for my loss, because of course you didn’t. Of course you didn’t, Callie. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of understanding you.”

She wiped at a tear on her cheek before she continued. “Yes, I wanted this. I dreamed about this when I wanted to have a daughter. But I didn’t do a good enough job loving the daughter I had. The way that you could understand it. I’ve always been proud of you. And I’ve always thought you were wonderful. But it was easier for me to vocalize disappointments that I had about certain things than it was to tell you about that, and that is my fault. That’s my fault the way that I did that. It shouldn’t have been that way.”

“I’m sorry. I... I should’ve said something sooner. Because it isn’t just you—I shut down. You didn’t give me what I wanted, and so I just put my head down and never talked to you.”

“I’m your mother, Callie. You don’t owe me an apology for not being able to figure out how to put up with me. I’m the one that should’ve realized. Should’ve realized that something was just not working in our relationship, and rather than wishing that we could go shopping together, I should’ve sat down with you and talked about horses.”

Callie wiped at a tear on her cheek. “I’ve realized that knowing you and Dad were hurt, were grieving, wasn’t the same as understanding. That I really was only seeing this from my own perspective. And I... You know, being with Jake...being with someone like that, I realized how much I don’t consider other people. I needed to tell you what I wanted. And I shouldn’t have taken a necklace as an insult, when it was a gift. I chose to see everything as an attack and I never chose to see it as a bridge. But I want to...find a bridge. I want to understand, and I want you to understand me.”

“I do, too,” her mom whispered.

“Next year,” Callie said. “Next year, you and I will go shooting. And will make cookies on another day. We’ll do both.”

“Okay,” her mom said.

“I’m not so afraid of trying to do both. I was. I thought doing all those feminine things would just show all the ways that I didn’t quite measure up. And I thought it would distract from what I was trying to accomplish in the rodeo.”

“What changed things?”

Callie shifted uncomfortably, because the honest truth was an embarrassing one.

“Jake,” she whispered. “He makes me realize that I can be more than I thought.”

Her mom’s eyes glistened with tears. “I’m glad. That’s how it should be. That’s how being in love should be.”

The words hit her like an explosion, and she took a step back.

It couldn’t be that. It couldn’t be.

It was just... Friendship. And sex.

“Yeah.”

Her mom reached into the closet one more time and pulled out a white fur wrap, which she placed over her shoulders. “This makes it. Oh, and shoes.”

She grabbed a pair of black high heels and handed them to Callie.

“I don’t know how to walk in these.”

Her mom smiled. “Okay. Compromise.”

She brought a pair of black flats this time, and Callie put them on. She wasn’t going to try to be that daring. Not all at once. The high heels might’ve looked nice, but she would’ve fallen off them in the first couple of minutes.

Her mom led her out of the room, and she walked down the stairs slowly. And as she descended, Jake came into view. He was dressed in all black. Black cowboy hat. Black button-up shirt and black jeans. Black boots. Her heart sped up. She saw that his jaw went tight as he looked at her. And a thrill shot right between her legs. Except there wasn’t supposed to be any of this left between them. Except they weren’t going to do this again.

She got to the bottom step, and he extended his hand. Reflexively, she put hers out, and he took it. Lifted it to his lips and brushed her knuckles with his lips.

Her heart slammed against her chest. His dark eyes made contact with hers, and she forgot to breathe. With the stubble over his jaw, he looked like an outlaw. And she wanted to get on the back of his horse and ride off into the sunset with him. Disreputable as he looked. Disreputable as he was. Jake her lover, and Jake her friend, didn’t seem like the thing she could separate out in that moment. They were all Jake. And he was all beautiful. And she didn’t quite know how to breathe around that.

“You look amazing,” he said.

“So do you.”

If he was lying, maybe he would think she was, too. That she was just playing a part for this. For everything. Maybe he wouldn’t know that she was actually, completely, struck dumb by his beauty. Yeah, beauty. Masculine though it was.

“You can follow us out to the restaurant,” her dad said. “We’ll have to make a convoy. There’s too many of us.”