Rodeo Christmas at Evergreen Ranch (Gold Valley #13)(41)

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It is,” he said, his chest feeling tight.

“I love it out here. It’s honest. It’s not... I love the rodeo. But I have to play a part in it. I have to be as tough as the cowboys, right? If I want to do what they do.”

“You just have to be you. If you, Callie Carson, are capable of competing against them, what the hell do you care if you’re like them or not?”

Her lips twitched, her eyes fixed on the horizon. “I have to be taken seriously.”

“Why?” he asked.

She looked away from him and he could see her working on the words. “I don’t know. Because I have to be.”

Her words were stubborn and confused all at once.

“Look, Callie, let’s call a truce. We can’t go walking into your parents’ house acting like we hate each other. And we’ve known each other a hell of a lot longer than it took us to kiss. It was just a kiss.”

“Right.”

“Proves my point, though,” he said, his voice low.

“Oh, what? That I’m a virgin who would be forever ruined by your magic hands?”

He cleared his throat. “Just saying.” He tried not to let any of that penetrate deeper than the surface. Because he didn’t need to go overthinking it.

“I don’t want any of that. I don’t. It’s... It’s embarrassing. Have someone say that kind of stuff to you. I was mad at you. You were an ass.”

“Sure,” he said. “I can’t deny that.”

“Because you were the one that was shaken.”

“Callie...”

“No, listen to me for a minute. Out here, there’s no one to hear us, and we can have our truce after. I promise. I have to be better than my brothers. I have to be flawless. I have to be... I don’t know, I just feel like I’m the replacement child, and I can’t measure up so I have to make a whole new metric. And I haven’t been exceptional. I fell. I hurt myself. I broke my arm.”

“Don’t tell me Boone has never broken his arm.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t. I need to somehow be more invincible. Because I have to prove to them that I can do this. I’m lost in this family. They’re all... Rodeo royalty. Superstars at what they do. They’re bigger and stronger and my dad is so proud of them. And I’ve just never been able to... To do the right things. I thought I could. I thought I did. But then...this proved I didn’t. It’s like I was born into the wrong... Everything. I don’t fit. I need to find that place that I fit. If I don’t... Well, I can’t think about it. So, as nice as the kiss was, everything around it was terrible. And I don’t want another one. And I won’t be ready for one from anyone until... Until the rest of this is handled.”

“Well, sorry that all the rest of it was terrible.”

“I forgive you. Because you’re right. We’ve been friends a long time. And that was just... What, six seconds?”

“Yep.”

“Shorter than a good ride.”

“Shorter than a good ride.”

But the world was alien around him, and Callie felt similarly alien next to him. And it wasn’t all that simple. But she needed it to be. And he knew that it had to be. So he just had to get it together. Get it together and deal with himself.

“How much farther to your folks’ place?”

“About an hour.”

“It’s really out there in the middle of nowhere, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It is. Lone Rock is a... It’s a quirky town. Not much to do. Except go to the Thirsty Mule for a beer.”

“If the mule is leaving thirsty, I’m not sure that I’ll fare any better.”

“I mean, that is a worry.”

“Thank you,” he said. “For taking me out here. It’s really something. It’s really something special, Cal.”

“You’re welcome.” And for a minute there, things felt almost normal. They walked back to the truck in silence, but this time there was an ease to that silence.

“So, your dad didn’t make it sound like he had any plans to kill me?” He asked that question when they were back on the road.

“No,” she said. “Like I said, they just seemed happy.”

She didn’t look thrilled about that.

“Look. You may never get them to feel the way that you want them to about it. But... Do you need them to?”

“I’d like them to. I mean, who doesn’t want their parents to be proud of them?”

Would his parents be proud of him? Or would his dad just be off in Southern California, living a new life, while his mom stayed on the ranch bitter as hell. Would they have sold the ranch?

Would his mother have hated who he was, how he drank and how he slept around?

He’d never know the answer to any of it.

“I suppose everyone does,” he said.

“Yeah,” she responded. “I just want them to understand. And I don’t know why it’s so important. But I wish that... I wish I was impressive rather than disappointing.”

“You’re impressive to me.”

He kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel her looking at him. “So impressive that you think I need a lot of extra training.”