River's End (River's End Series, #1)(68)

She glanced up. No. No, she would not walk back to her trailer in the dark with Jack. She felt ill as it was. Or did he intend to come in? She could earn her keep by doing him? Now that she wasn’t with Joey? The very idea of Jack thinking that made her want to cry. She didn’t want him to think that. But what else could he think?

She followed behind him when he opened the door and stepped out without another glance at her. It was pleasantly cool, as the days were getting warmer now, and the nights became much more refreshing with the cooler air.

He didn’t say a word, but jammed his hands into the front pockets of his pants. He was in step with her as they walked across the dusty driveway. Crickets chirped like a choir all around them and the night stars were clear, shining forever around them.

Finally, they reached the door of her trailer. She wanted nothing more than to escape behind it and never face Jack again.

Jack stood in front of the door handle so she couldn’t get to it without touching him. He ran his hand through his hair, tousling it. “So…”

Her heart leapt at his voice. She could not discuss anything with him. She was about to speak when the sudden flash and roar of truck came behind her. She looked back to see Joey pulling up to a screeching stop, the radio blaring before he finally turned his truck off. He wasn’t alone. A girl scooted out after him. They linked arms and started towards the house without another glance backwards.

She pressed her lips together. The humiliation she felt was deep and sickening. She slept with Joey, but now couldn’t care less whom he’d gone into the house with. But how did she explain to Jack she wasn’t an unfeeling bitch? And yet… with Jack what she briefly did with him set her heart on fire and rocked her world upside down? Her biggest enigma was why her reaction to Jack was so strong. She’d done a lot more with guys she knew far less than she did Jack, and no one ever made her feel like he did.

“Does it bother you?”

Jack’s voice came behind her, sounding deep and quiet. The night was dark around them and eerily still after Joey’s dramatic entrance home.

“Joey? No. I wish it did.”

“Why?”

She closed her eyes, keeping her back to Jack. How could she explain why she wanted sex to mean more to her? Or why she didn’t want to be the woman she was? The woman who slept with his brother.

“Because then you wouldn’t think it was okay to treat me the same way.”

“Yeah? And how do I treat you?”

She blinked at the sudden tears welling in her eyes, unwilling to turn around. She kept them tightly shut. How could she tell him he treated her like she was someone much better than she really was? Someone who was worth something. In the darkness, she whispered, “I thought you hated me. I thought you tolerated me here because I was more or less trapped. I didn’t think…”

He stepped closer behind her. “You didn’t think what?”

His arm come around her, and his big hand rested on her stomach. She could feel the warmth of his fingertips and closed her eyes. “I just don’t understand.”

His other arm came around as he enveloped her. She finally leaned back into him, breathing in his scent. The sense of safety she felt, of being held and protected in his arms, made her almost think she was truly cared about. But that couldn’t be right. Jack didn’t even like her. He didn’t like how she acted. Or how easily she slept with men. Or that she worked in her bikini. Or that she was younger than he, and stupid, and…

His deep voice interrupted her. “Ben could have caught us today. I’ve never done what I did today. Not with anyone. Especially, not with my son due home from school so soon. The thing was, I temporarily forgot.”

She didn’t know what to say. Was he blaming her? What did he mean?

“You forgot what?”

“I forgot where I was. I forgot everything. Everything, but you.”

“You mean because you wanted to screw me?”

He didn’t answer, but finally sighed. “Does it help? When you lash out?”

Her body wilted and her shoulders slumped. He always saw through her. “No. It doesn’t help.”

“We’re a bad idea.”

“We? I thought you hated me?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Why did you kiss me?”

She had to know, and had to hear him say it. He had to tell her that she was physically there and he was horny, so why not hit on her? She needed to hear Jack would treat her as every other man she’d ever been with.

“Because it’s all I think about when you’re around me. It takes all my will power and effort not to. Because I’ve been alone a long time; and now here you are every day of my life.”

“Joey found me quite convenient too.”

She waited for him to lash back at her. “Joey wasn’t really with you, was he?”

She paused. Of course he knew first hand Joey was with her. What was he talking about?

“Joey was never with the woman I was with in the barn, was he?”

How did he know? Her heart rate increased. Tears she’d been fighting all night finally slipped over her lower eyelids and she shook her head.

Jack turned her around. His finger came to her chin and he raised her face up to his view.

“Why do you do it, Erin? Why do you sleep with men you don’t give rat’s ass about? Why don’t you know you deserve better?”