River's End (River's End Series, #1)(55)

Jack’s eye twitched. He had no idea what to say or how to even begin to respond to her remark. He dropped his hands to his side.

“Okay, yeah, they talk. They’ve talked since you showed up, Erin. There are only a few thousand people in this valley, including those living in town, so a place this small, tends to hear a lot of talking. You’ve never lived in a rural, small town. Everyone literally knows everything about his or her neighbor. They knew about Joey from the night you spent on the beach with him. What do you want me to say about that? You were there. So they talk. They weren’t wrong either, now were they? Anything that happens here, even as small as a paper cut, gets gossiped about. But I don’t remember the last time I actually paid any attention to it.”

She went completely still at his voice and finally glanced at him. “Do you remember the night you walked me across the yard in the dark?”

“Yeah. So?” he asked as he shifted his weight and felt uncomfortable with her sudden scrutiny on his face. He shouldn’t have said anything to her. At the time, however, he thought she’d only be a temporary visitor and not a fixture on the ranch.

“You asked me why I didn’t expect more for myself, from Joey, or the men I was with.”

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

“No one ever said that to me before. Not one person ever told me I should expect more for myself. My mother never once said anything like that to me. I started sleeping around when I was sixteen years old, Ben’s age, and my mother never once said, ‘don’t do that, Erin.’ She knew I had the boys over. And she knew I did it because I felt so stupid. It was a way to make them like me. They made fun of me during the day, so I fucked them at night. Doesn’t make much sense, does it? But I thought it did. And she never once told me not to do it. No one told me otherwise. It never even occurred to me to expect more until you said that to me.”

Jack shifted the weight on his feet and didn’t know what to say. It seemed wrong. It seemed to be the key to Erin. Suddenly, her sleeping with Joey didn’t seem as wrong as it did before this conversation. Now it almost seemed tragic.

“I’m not the kind of person you want to have around your kids, Jack.”

How Jack wished Lily were here. She’d know what to say to Erin. She’d know how to counsel a girl whose entire self-esteem seemed to depend on how he reacted to her right there, right now. Lily would understand why a girl had to sleep around. Jack knew why boys did. He would know what to say to Ben or Joey about such a conversation. But he didn’t know what to say to Erin.

“I decide who gets to be around my kids. I did keep you away. Now, I don’t. Take that as you will.”

She frowned. Then her eyes rose up to meet his. He really had no idea what to say or think, much less, what Erin thought. “I don’t understand you,” she finally said quietly.

He nodded. “That’s okay, because I don’t understand you either. Now do you want to learn to ride a horse today or not?”

She stared at him before a slow smile started across her face. “Yes, I’d like to learn to ride a horse.”

“Good. Then let’s get to it, I have a lot more to do still today.”

****

With that, Erin began her first horseback riding lesson. Jack told Ben to hold the horse by his bridle and keep him still. Jack talked her through, once again, all the basics he taught her so far about riding a horse. There were a lot of small details, and he made her repeat all the answers to the questions he posed. He taught her so thoroughly, she knew all the fundamental basics inside and out. Now, she just had to execute all of them, starting with climbing into the saddle.

She managed to get up onto the saddle, but was slow to let Ben start walking to lead the horse. It all came very slowly for her. After several hours, she finally did an entire circle with no help from Jack, Ben or Charlie, and with her horse under her control. When she made it all the way around, both father and sons clapped, whistled, and cheered for her. They all stood leaning against the rails to watch her. She brought the horse to a complete stop, and finally looked up when she broke her concentration. She grinned maniacally, and her heart felt like it might explode in her chest. She’d done it! She rode the horse, and not only that, but she’d done it correctly and while in complete control. She knew she still had a long way to go, but she was in a place she never thought she’d get to. And all because of the patience Jack showed her over the course of a month, using time he didn’t have to spend with her, and patience he didn’t have to teach her.

They came over, and waited for her to dismount. Jack held the horse as Ben and Charlie both jumped around, smiling as happily for her as she did for herself. When Charlie hugged her waist, she eagerly hugged him back and high-fived Ben. Ben had been bringing a girl in his class home often to hang out with him. His crush on Erin seemed to have faded completely and he now regarded her purely as a friend.

Jack grinned at her over his boys’ heads. She smiled back, her heart rate suddenly racing at his visible pleasure with her achievement. Seeing the way his eyes held hers, and seemed to grow warm watching her, she had to turn away. She didn’t know exactly why, except that the heat she felt inside confused her, and the excitement he set off in her gut didn’t make any sense in her mind. She could barely hold his gaze these days because of the strange new reaction in her chest.