River's End (River's End Series, #1)(100)

Ian’s eyebrows rose and she licked her lips. Why was she still talking? He asked nothing. He wanted to know nothing. She knew that much about him. He never inquired about her or after her, and rarely spoke directly to her. She realized then what she said and how it must’ve sounded.

“By things, I didn’t mean sex,” she blurted out, wanting to bite through her tongue. That was even worse. “I mean he wants me to go somewhere with him, and I didn’t want to. So he got mad and made me get out. Wait. How long have you been standing there?” She turned suddenly and stared into the darkened yard. There was a single yard light. And shit! Ian must have had a clear view into where the Camaro was parked. Had he been watching them? Her?

“I just came out.”

She blew out a breath and flushed as she realized what he nearly witnessed. He didn’t see that. Thank God. Because it was just as she nearly described. Drew had tried to have sex, right then, right there in the car. Who did that? And in her own driveway? He thought she’d simply straddle him and do it right there. He hadn’t even considered going into the back seat. Or that, God, she would never do it there. Besides, they had only been dating for a few weeks. Why were all men the same? Sex was all they ever wanted. She sighed. She was the freak. And the problem. As always. At twenty-three years old, she’d never had sex. No one knew that, of course. She had a reputation to uphold, which was funny, considering she hadn’t done anything more than kiss some of the boys. But they talked, and exaggerated the stories. There were a few drifting cowboys she got mixed up with, and voila. Kailynn Hayes got around. As Drew so eloquently accused her, she did everyone else, so why not him?

She didn’t, but no one believed that about her anymore. Even her own brothers thought so and constantly made fun of her. They talked about their sex lives all the time, inserting details she never wanted to know, and making her skin crawl and her cheeks turn strange colors. Yet, they never noticed how she didn’t add anything to the conversation; and sometimes, didn’t know what they were talking about. She had grown up far too soon, listening to her brothers and their friends. Some brothers were protective of their little sisters. Not hers. Unfortunately, she’d always been considered one of them. Even Shane discussed his sex life right in front of her. It was horrifying to hear about how he… got around. And it broke her heart when she heard the callous details. She was sure though, whenever they got together, he would be completely different. He would be only with her. He would love her, so it would all be different.

There again, Ian was the one guy who never said the word, “sex” in her presence. She had no idea if he even dated. She wasn’t sure anyone else knew. It was a constant source of ribbing from her brothers and a query to Shane. Was Ian gay? Was that why no one knew whom he dated? Is that why he never talked about whom he was screwing?

Of course, if he were gay, she had no problem with it. Live and let live. But the problem was that this was a rural, red-necked, sometimes completely backwoods place, and another tragic feature of River’s End, in her opinion. So if Ian were gay, that was reason enough to keep so quiet about it. She turned her head regarding him. Was that it? Was that why he was always intensely quiet and private? She felt a sudden kinship filling her. She could understand what it was like feeling different. Hadn’t she always felt different here?

“You are so lucky.”

He frowned, clearly puzzled by her. “Yeah? How so?”

Wow, he answered her. He engaged with her. Sometimes, he completely ignored her and she was left flushed with embarrassment and biting her tongue when he so clearly didn’t want to partake in whatever lame comment or conversation she initiated. “You’re a Rydell,” she said simply. That said it all. He had money. He had family. He had backing. He had choices. He had all the choices in the world that she would never have.

“So?”

“So, you don’t have to stay here in River’s End. You can escape. You can go anywhere. You can be… anything.” She almost said, whoever you need to be. But that might have been going too far. If he were gay, he was keeping it strictly to himself and she could respect that. Her brothers, on the other hand, respected nothing and no one. Nothing about her life, nor any of her secrets were respected. So she could easily understand the need for privacy with something you were sensitive about.

“Why would I want to go anywhere?”

She flushed. “Oh. Maybe you don’t. But I would. I would leave here and never, ever look back.”

“Why?”

Wow, he was so curious about her today. She stepped closer to him on the porch and leaned into it, her gaze drifting off to the lonesome, void of darkness. “Because I’ll end up married to some rancher with kids who won’t appreciate me. No doubt, I’ll end up in a trailer the equivalent of this one. Look around you, there are no options here. Not for me. Not for a girl with no education, no money, and no means to get either.”

“Quit dating losers like Drew Nichols.”

She bristled and jerked her gaze up to his. He was staring at her. His face seemed closed and expressionless. What did the man think about? What did he feel? She could never guess and she saw him frequently enough to know.

“Drew isn’t a loser.”

Ian straightened his posture and his eyebrows rose. “Drew’s an asswipe that just tried to feel you up in your own driveway. And he wasn’t too inclined to take your no, was he? So yeah, Drew’s a loser and you need to steer clear of him.”