Reign of Shadows (Reign of Shadows, #1)(54)

I dragged in a shuddery breath, thinking I would forever feel those hands on me, an indelible mark long after this—whatever this was—had ended. And it would end one way or another. Either he supported my decision to leave or I was leaving without him. Preferably with him, but I’d cope either way.

“But I’ll know.” He hauled me closer and I went forward with a breathless squeak. “I’ll know.” He was close, his head dipping, bending toward mine.

I lifted my face up, seeking, unable to stop myself even though I knew this would likely end with fresh torment. He’d almost kissed me before. I was sure this would end the same.

“Luna.” My name sounded pained coming from him.

He brought me closer, crushing me against him, our bodies fused until I felt every hard line, every dip and hollow and contour of him. The pressure of his hands on my arms deepened, lifting me slightly until I was on my tiptoes.

“What are you doing?” I demanded in a voice I couldn’t even recognize as my own.

“What does it look like?” His lips were on mine then, grazing the sensitive flesh while he rasped, “For every day of my life, I will know. And I will mourn you.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond. He deepened the kiss.

I shrugged my arms free of his and looped them around his neck, clinging desperately, following some untapped instinct. I stood on my tiptoes and pulled his head closer. It was like a floodgate had opened. Everything poured out of me, all the longing and hope I’d ever felt. Every dream I ever had I unleashed into this kiss.

The poetry in my mother’s books wove through my mind. This was nothing like the emotions suggested in that stilted language. I thought I understood the secrets behind the words that Sivo and Perla had read to me—how a single kiss could brand a person—but I didn’t. Now I knew that the reality was so much better. So much more intense. Now I felt it all: the singe of his mouth slanting on mine, the increasing pressure, the growing need, the friction that spread to my very toes.

I lifted trembling hands, spearing my fingers through his hair, reveling in the silky locks filling my palms. He slanted his mouth one way, then another, as though he couldn’t get enough. I cupped his cheek, enjoying the sensation of his hard jaw under my fingertips as we kissed.

“I like that,” he growled. “You. Touching me.”

I shivered. Did he know how badly I had wanted to touch him? More than just those few times? Every day since we came together I had craved this, yearned to feel him but scared to reach out. I had worried that he would turn from me and I would be left feeling more alone than before.

I knew how soft his lips could be, but I had no idea how they could consume me. I was lost in his mouth on mine, in the sensation of his hand holding my face as his fingers dove into my hair.

He crouched for a fraction of a moment, wrapped his arms around my waist, and lifted me off my feet until we were perfectly aligned, my mouth level with his. He started walking.

I tightened my arms around his shoulders, hanging on. I gave the smallest gasp when he backed us into a wall, but that didn’t stop the kiss. No. He didn’t slow down. His mouth was thorough, soft and hard and hungry. I felt him everywhere. And this was just a kiss. Leaving him would ruin me.

A thump sounded outside the door. “Come on, boy! They’re heading to the lift. It’s time to go.”

My mouth lifted from his at the sound of Mirelya’s rusty voice. Our breaths crashed between us. I held his face, my thumbs tracing small circles on his warm cheeks.

After a long moment with Fowler’s arms still wrapped around my waist, he said in a voice that stroked a shiver down my spine, “That’s why you can’t go. Princess.” He brushed back a tendril of hair off my face. “I’m going out on that lake and when I get back we’ll continue to Allu.” He paused as though he wanted that to sink in for me. I didn’t have the heart to fight anymore. I said nothing, but my resolve only deepened.

I would go to the capital with or without him. I had to.

“Fowler!” Mirelya’s voice boomed from outside our room, all patience gone.

He lowered me back down to the ground and dropped his hands from me. He strode from the room without another word.

I stood in that same spot for a long moment, stupidly staring into the dark of my mind, still as a stone until I jolted to action. Pulling my cap from my pocket, I tugged it back over my head, as if that helped hide my gender. Feeling suitably disguised, I followed him out.

“I’ll look after her,” Mirelya was assuring him in her creaking voice, sitting somewhere to the right, presumably at the table.

I snorted, finding a bit of irony in that. This ancient woman, nearly as blind as I was, would look after me? Her bones cracked every time she moved and there was the odor of decay about her.

“Thank you, Mirelya,” Fowler said.

“Watch yourself out there, boy. There’s more than kelp in those waters.”

Cold seeped into my bones. “What do you mean? Is it very risky?”

“It’s no simple task,” Mirelya allowed.

“Well, no then.” I turned in Fowler’s direction. “You can’t go. You’re nothing to them. They care nothing for your life. You’re expendable to them. One of many to be lost for their purposes—” I strode across the room, my fingers finding and latching onto him, curling into the worn leather of his jacket. I had been so caught up in my insistence to return to Relhok City that it hadn’t occurred to me that they might force him into a dangerous situation.