Reflected in You(108)

You don't know what he was like then."


"I know what he's like now.


He's broken and hurting and doesn't think he's worth loving.


And you helped make him that way."


"Go to hell."


She stormed off.


"I'm already there," I shouted after her.


"And so is your son."


* * *


I spent all day Sunday being Old Eva.


Trey had the day off and took Cary out for brunch and a movie.


I was pleased to see them together, thrilled that they were both trying.


Cary hadn't invited over any of the people who called his cell, and I wondered if he was rethinking his friendships.


I suspected many were of the fair- weather variety - great fun but no substance.


Having the entire apartment to myself, I slept too much, ate crappy food, and never bothered to change out of my pajamas.


I cried over Gideon in the privacy of my room, staring at the collage of photos that used to be on my desk at work.


I missed the weight of his ring on my finger and the sound of his voice.


I missed the feel of his hands and lips on me and the tenderly possessive way he took care of me.


When Monday came around, I left the apartment as New Eva.


With smoky eyes, pink lips, and my new bouncy layered cut, I felt like I could pretend to be someone else for the day.


Someone who wasn't heartbroken and lost and angry.


I saw the Bentley when I stepped outside, but Angus didn't bother to exit the car, knowing I wouldn't accept a ride.


It puzzled me that Gideon would have him wasting his time hanging around, just in case I might have him drive me somewhere.


It didn't make any sense unless Gideon was feeling guilty.


I hated guilt, hated that it afflicted so many of the people in my life.


I wish they'd just drop it and move on.


Like I was trying to do.


The morning at Waters Field & Leaman went by swiftly, because I had Will, the new assistant, to help out as well as my regular work to do.


I was glad that he wasn't afraid to ask lots of questions, because he kept me too busy to count the seconds, minutes, and hours since the last time I'd seen Gideon.


"You look good, Eva," Mark said when I first joined him in his office.


"Are you doing all right?" "Not really.


But I'll get there."


He leaned forward, setting his elbows on his desk.


"Steven and I broke up once, about a year and a half into our relationship.


We'd had a rough couple weeks and decided it'd be easier to let it go.


It was f*cking awful," he said vehemently.


"I hated every minute of it.


Getting up every morning was a monumental feat and he was in the same shape.


So anyway .


if you need anything .


" "Thank you.


The best thing you can do for me right now is keep me busy.


I just don't want any time to think about anything but work."


"I can do that."


When lunch came around, Will and I grabbed Megumi and we headed to a nearby pizza place.


Megumi filled me in on her growing relationship with her blind date, and Will told us about his adventures at Ikea as he and his girlfriend worked on filling their loft apartment with do-it-yourself furniture.


I was glad I had my spa day to talk about.


"We're heading to the Hamptons this weekend," Megumi said as we returned to the Crossfire.


"My guy's grandparents have a place out there.


How cool is that?" "Very."


I passed through the turnstiles beside her.


"I'm jealous you'll be able to get away from the heat."


"I know, right?" "Better than furniture assembly," Will muttered, following a group of people onto one of the elevators.


"I can't wait 'til we're done."


The doors started to close, and then they slid open again.


Gideon stepped into the car after us.


The familiar, palpable energy that always coursed between us hit me hard.


Awareness rippled down my spine and flared outward, sending goose bumps racing across my skin.


The hair on my nape prickled.


Megumi glanced at me, and I shook my head.


I knew better than to look directly at him.


I couldn't be sure I wouldn't do something rash or desperate.


I craved him so deeply, and it had been too long since he'd held me.


I used to have the right to touch him, to reach for his hand, to lean into him, to sift my fingers through his hair.


It was a horrible ache inside me that I wasn't allowed to do those things anymore.


I had to bite my lip to stifle a moan of agony at being this close to him again.


I kept my head down, but I felt Gideon's eyes on me.