Reclaiming the Sand(58)

I wanted to bang my head against the wall in frustration. I wasn’t known for my grace or diplomacy. I didn’t do the whole walking on eggshells thing. I stomped all over those mother f*cking eggs, smearing yolk everywhere.

But I had to tread carefully with Flynn. This was testing me in ways that I hadn’t imagined.

I felt the familiar flicker of anger. The desire to lash out and abandon this thing that was starting to prove difficult.

“I wanted to make you feel as good as I do,” he said and just like that my irritation burst and faded away.

I reached over and took his hand and slipped it under my shirt so that it rested on my breast but over the thin fabric of my bra. Flynn hissed in a breath, his eyes widening. He was so innocent. It was disconcerting at times. But he was eager to learn and that was a total turn on.

“Touch me, Flynn. Rub my nipple with your fingers,” I instructed, my voice raspy as he started to move his fingers under mine.

He was hesitant at first but I took his hand and directed his movements. After a few minutes of uncomfortable pinching and awkward groping, he finally got the hang of it and I dropped my hand from his.

It felt good. Really good. I reached down and pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it on the floor. Flynn licked his lips, his eyes trained on his hand that covered my boob.

Fuck me, it was hot. I noticed the bulge in his pants and knew that he was enjoying it as much as I was.

“Use your other hand to touch my left breast,” I told him breathlessly. He did as I told him. He started to take some initiative and pushed aside the cotton bra and touched my bare skin.

My head rolled back as he worked his fingers. “Your skin feels so good, Ellie,” Flynn said, his voice breaking. He pinched and twisted my nipples and I groaned. I wanted him to touch me all over but I knew this was as far as he could go right now. And that had to be enough.

After a few more minutes he dropped his hands. I opened my eyes and was relieved to see the smile on his face. I readjusted my bra, covering myself again.

“I liked that,” he admitted shyly, blatantly staring at my chest. I laughed and leaned over to kiss his mouth.

“I liked it too, Flynn,” I enthused.

After that, he wanted to touch my breasts…a lot. And at the most random times. Like when we were sitting in the car. Or walking Murphy in the woods behind his house.

When he tried to grope me at Ma’s Diner, I had to remind him that we were in public and that sort of stuff had to wait until we got to his house. Even if I wanted to let him touch me as much as he wanted.

Our days were spent in beautiful tandem. The more time I spent with Flynn the more I pulled away from everything else.

I hadn’t seen Dania since her party. I had been avoiding her. We had spoken on the phone a few times and I was relieved to hear she had been busy. I didn’t feel so bad about making excuses not to see her.

I should have known my evasion tactics would only go so far, which I learned after I answered the phone one day as I relaxing on my couch for the first time in days.

As soon as I said hello she started to bombard me with questions about the apartment we had been to see several weeks ago. She asked if I had heard from the landlord and I could at least be honest and tell her I hadn’t.

I hadn’t been particularly proactive in following up though, but I didn’t tell her that. I wasn’t ready to admit to her that living together just wasn’t going to happen.

“Maybe we should look at some other places. My landlord is being a dick and he says I have until the end of December to get out. That only give me two months ya know.” She sounded almost accusatory; as though it were my fault she was getting evicted.

“How was your doctor’s appointment?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Eh. Okay I guess. The doctor was a little worried because the baby doesn’t seem to be growing the way it should be. He read me the riot act because I was still smoking. I told him to shove it. What the f*ck does he know about me or my baby?” she scoffed.

“Well he is a doctor, Dania. It’s sort of what he went to school for. Those extra four years do give him some insight into what he’s talking about,” I couldn’t help but say. And I knew instantly it was the wrong choice of words.

“Of course you’d side with the doctor, Ellie! You never have my back anymore. You judge me just like everyone else in this f*cked up town!” she screeched into the phone.

“Sheesh, Dania. I was just saying you should probably listen to the doctor. You want your baby to be healthy right?” I asked, trying to placate her and smooth out the situation.

“Fuck this stupid baby! It’s ruined my f*cking life! I just want it out! And then I can get rid of it like I should have done when I found out I was pregnant!” she screamed.

I almost dropped the phone. Her vicious bile towards the innocent child in her belly left me cold.

“Are you saying you’re giving him up for adoption?” I asked carefully, making sure to call the baby “he” instead of “it.” Dania needed to be reminded that this baby was a person whether she wanted him or not.

“I don’t f*cking know, Ellie! I get a hell of a lot of benefits for having a baby. Did you know I could get an extra $1500 a month from the state? And I can get on WIC, which will pay for my groceries. And social services will even help me pay for the apartment and childcare. I could use the cash, Ells.”