Reclaiming the Sand(53)

Flynn fidgeted. I looked down at him and he was trying to situate himself so he could be more relaxed.

“We don’t have to sit on the ground. You have some perfectly nice benches that we can use,” I told him.

He shook his head. “No. Kevin says I should make myself experience new things. Things that I don’t like or that make me anxious.”

I smirked. “And sitting on the ground is a new experience?” I scoffed.

“I don’t like the feel of the grass. It’s rough. It’s itchy. I hate it,” he mumbled, rubbing his hands together.

Sometimes I could almost forget that there was anything unusual about Flynn. He had obviously worked hard over the years to suppress his more troublesome traits. Sure he was still awkward and said things that the rest of the world would only think in their heads. But his honesty was refreshing. It was nice knowing where you stood with someone instead of constantly second-guessing.

But then there times like this, when it was impossible to ignore how much he struggled in his day-to-day life. I was in awe of the man who was sat beside me, trying not to freak out because the grass was scratching his skin.

I thought I had it tough. I had lived so long in my egocentric bubble that I had forgotten that there were other people in the world who fought battles a lot more brutal than mine.

Flynn reminded me that fighting had to always be an option.

“Can you lie back on the grass, Flynn?” I asked him. He looked at me like I was crazy.

“There are bugs in the grass, Ellie. They’ll crawl in my hair. They can get in my ears.” He sounded as though he were on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.

I needed to try this another way.

I pointed upwards and tilted my head back. “Look up then,” I said in hushed tones.

Flynn obeyed and tilted his head back.

“What do you see?” I asked him.

Flynn was quiet, his eyes trained on the sky above him. Finally he answered in an equally quiet voice.

“I see the universe.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Flynn looked over at me and I met his eyes. And he held them. He didn’t look away. “Yes. It’s beautiful.”

I felt myself flush. I cleared my throat. “Can I touch you?” I asked.

Flynn was quiet for a long time and I didn’t think he was going to answer me. But finally he nodded. A slight incline of his head giving me permission.

I gently placed my fingers on his chin, turning his face back up to the night sky. “If you watch long enough you’ll see a falling star. Have you ever seen a falling star before?”

Flynn shook his head. “No. I haven’t,” he whispered.

“Well, let’s look for one. They’re supposed to be good luck, you know. And I don’t know about you, but I could use a little luck in my life,” I mused.

And we sat there, the night wrapping us in its safe and silent arms, watching the stars wink and shine above us. After a while, I reached over and took Flynn’s shoulders in my hands. “Keep watching the stars,” I murmured as I pulled him back onto the grass with me.

He didn’t protest. His body tensed for a moment and I thought he’d sit back up. But after a few seconds, I felt him relax. I moved as close to him as I thought he’d allow. And we continued to watch the twinkling worlds in the sky.

“I saw one!” Flynn gasped, pointing. I followed his finger but didn’t see it.

“Looks like the good luck is all on you then,” I remarked lightly. Flynn’s hand clasped mine and I hissed in a breath as he brought it up to his lips. With an excruciating slowness he kissed my knuckles. His actions timid and unsure.

My heart fluttered madly.

“Is that okay?” he asked, his breath hot on my palm.

“Yes,” I croaked.

Flynn pressed his mouth to my hand again, this time a little harder and a little longer.

“Your skin feels nice,” he said, my hand still touching his face.

“Your lips feel nice on my skin,” I breathed.

“I’ve never done this before,” he let out in a rush.

I rolled my head to the side and watched him as he continued to watch the sky and kiss my hand. “You’ve never done what?”

He carefully placed my hand on his chest. Over his heart. He turned his head to look at me. His green eyes dark in the shadows but as bright as the stars.

“Kissed a girl. Touched a girl. I’ve never done anything,” he admitted and I was more than a little shocked. Sure he was different, but that didn’t change the fact that Flynn was beautiful. There had to have been a girl at college, somewhere, who could see the amazing man he was beneath his awkward exterior.

“You’ve never kissed anyone? No one has ever touched you like this?” I asked, lifting my hand from his chest and lightly stroking my fingers down the length of his cheek.

I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with the force of his swallow. I rested my hand at the hollow of his throat, feeling the frantic beat of his heart beneath my fingertips.

“I don’t like people touching me. It makes me feel strange. I get nervous.”

Was he telling me to stop?

I started to lift my hand but he grabbed it with a sudden aggression that startled me. He gripped my hand tightly in his. He closed his eyes, frowning as though in pain.