Reckless Abandon (November Blue, #2)(60)

“It hurt my feelings.”

Adrian takes my hand. “He shouldn’t affect your feelings at all, Ember.” Hurt saturates his eyes and seeps down his face.

As I lock into Adrian’s eyes, I know Bo will always affect me. I’m miserable and it’s not Adrian’s fault.

“No,” Adrian startles me from my thoughts, cupping my face in his hands, “You’re mine, Ember, and I’m yours.” His vocal cords

strum panic as he scans my eyes.

“Adrian ...” My voice has never been so shaky. He tightens his grip on my face as I try to pull away.

“You’re not bailing on us, Blue. We just got started.” His voice is approaching a yell.

Grabbing Adrian’s wrists, I pull his hands away from my face. “It’s not about bailing, Adrian.”

He walks over to the bar, pouring himself a shot, while I sit on the couch. I don’t mention that it’s barely past noon on a

Sunday.

“So what’s it about, then? I sat by and watched you date another guy who was lying to you. You bailed on him and came to me when

shit hit the fan. What is it now, if this isn’t bailing? What’s it about?” The shot glass glides between his thumb and

forefinger.

“Me,” I state flatly.

“Goddammit, Ember, it’s always f*cking about you!” Adrian hurls the shot glass through the air, and it shatters against the

window. Reflexively, I stand and walk into the kitchen. My heart races as he strides toward me and starts yelling. “In college you

wouldn’t even let me speak when you broke up with me. It was about your fears, and it crushed me, November. It f*cking crushed me!

”

His nostrils flair with each ragged breath he takes. Anger clashes with the hurt in his eyes, and I start doing the most

unattractive thing possible—yelling and crying at the same time. The feral yell that comes from my throat startles both of us as

tears pour down my face. I’m exhausted, angry, and confused.

“So what the hell is your problem then, huh?” I sniff back the tears that are pouring through my nose. “Why the hell would you

want to be with me again if I hurt you so bad?”

In a flash, Adrian’s lips are on mine, his tongue thrashes desperately through my mouth. I try to pull my head back but his

fingers thread tightly through my hair. I want to give in to it; to submit to the physical intoxication that is Adrian, but I can’

t. I have to respect myself, and this certainly isn’t the way to do it. Adrian pulls away from me and, with swollen lips, starts

to speak.

“Because I’m addicted to you, Blue. Five years of withdrawal was torture without you in my life. I need you.” He unwinds his

hands from my hair and glides them down my shoulders before stepping back and leaning against the counter with clenched fists.

We’re addicts. Co-dependent on lust. We’re sick with it, and sick without it. At least without it we have the option to heal. My

tears have stopped, and my breathing has returned to normal. I stare at the broken glass across the apartment before returning to

Adrian’s glare.

“That’s not healthy, Adrian. It’s not healthy that you’re addicted to me, and it’s not healthy that I feel the same about you.

Too much will never be enough for us. You tell me you love me when you’re scared, and I ignore who I am to escape with you.”

“That’s all I’ve ever been to you? A f*cking escape?” Adrian slams his fist down on the island, and I wonder if granite can

crack.

“I never meant to hurt you in college, Adrian. God, we were barely twenty-one! A lot has happened between then and now, but the

fact remains that we’re too much for each other.”

His ragged breathing returns as he takes one step forward. I take one back.

“Have you been with him?” His tone drops an octave to the one called “calculating.”

“No. I’ve told you that. Twice now.”

“What do you mean ignore who you are?” His jaw ripples beneath the surface of his frown.

“This isn’t me, Adrian. This penthouse, the doorman, the valet. It’s just not me. I’m beer, beaches, and guitars. That’s who I

’ve always been.”

Adrian slowly lifts his chin and studies me from head to toe. He turns around mechanically and walks down the hallway, as I stand

frozen in silence. He returns with his Princeton hoodie, the one I always wear, the one I always wore back then. He tosses it in my

direction but I let it fall at my feet while I wait for him to speak.

“Adrian ...” I start, but he cuts me off without looking at me. He’s staring at Princeton on the floor. Faded orange sleeves and

tattered blue lettering.

“I never had you, did I? I never stood a chance.” He turns his back before continuing. “Get out of my apartment. I don’t ever

want to see you again.” The finality in his voice sends chills through my body. “Go!”

Startled, I jump with my hand on the doorknob. Adrian laces his fingers together behind his neck, takes a deep breath, and looks up

a the ceiling. I look between the sweatshirt and his back. With a quiet deep breath I leave the sweatshirt—and everything it