RECLAIM MY HEART(45)

The way his voice had gone all soft around the edges made her belly tense. The bottle of water she held was slick with condensation. She reached up and brushed her moist fingers across her forehead. “You ever think about moving back?”
Without hesitation, he said, “I couldn’t make any money here.” He sat there looking at her, and then tilted his head slightly as some inscrutable emotion passed over his face. Then in one effortless motion he sat up, bent his legs and palmed his knees. “Well, I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.”
Tyne tucked her feet beneath her. “Who was right? What are you talking about?”
“Uncle Jasper.” Once again, his thumbs started drumming but this time on his knees. “A couple weeks ago, we had words.” His palms lifted up in the air for an instant. “Well, as much as anyone can argue with Jasper, anyway. The man’s never raised his voice in his life, I don’t believe. Doesn’t have to. He chooses just the right thing to say to make you feel about this tall.” He held his index finger and thumb less than an inch apart.
Tyne had known something was going on between the two men.
Lucas rubbed his palms back and forth across his knees, gazing out at the field.
“So,” she gently prodded, “what’d he say?”
Lucas was so deep in thought she doubted he was even aware she’d spoken. She busied herself taking a sip of water then putting the cap back onto the bottle. A little boy shouted in triumph when he caught the ball tossed to him by his mother. Dorothy admired a necklace made of dyed pasta strung on bright yellow yarn, a gift from a girl who looked about six or seven. The child’s eyes glowed as Dorothy leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.
“He told me a story. About a fish, making its way to the ocean. Jasper feels that my ambition—”
Lucas’s tone was almost a whisper.
“—has caused me to lose sight of Lenape values. Giving up pieces of myself. That’s what he insinuated.” He balled his hands and propped his elbows on his knees. “I thought I was reaching for success.” He tapped his knuckles against his chin. “I’ve got a four bedroom house in the city. Two new cars. A walk-in closet full of designer suits. A timeshare in Fort Lauderdale. Another in Vale I’ve never even seen.” The sound he emitted was harsh. “I’ve only been to the one in Florida once. Couldn’t stand all that heat and solitude. I give away my vacation weeks. Or lose them in the Wednesday night poker games.” He shook his head, his stark gaze turning full on her face. “How extravagant can one person be?”
Tyne thought of how she’d struggled and did without in order to provide for Zach. If it hadn’t been for David’s life insurance and the subsidy she’d qualified for because she was both a first-time home buyer and a single mother, she never would have achieved the dream of owning a house. Her two-bedroom row home was cozy, but it was enough. Her battered Toyota wasn’t totally reliable, but that was the next big ticket item on her list to replace just as soon as her saving account was padded enough to take the hit. She thought of all the times Zach had asked for things—ridiculously expensive sneakers, an iPad, a skateboard that cost more than three months worth of electric bills—and she’d had to say no simply because she couldn’t afford them.
“From the time I was a kid,” Lucas said, “I was taught that taking and giving was necessary. As normal as breathing. We inhale the oxygen we need and exhale the carbon dioxide that’s crucial to every plant and flower and tree on earth. Give and take. Every Elder I ever talked to lectured that taking more than what’s needed upsets the balance of nature.”
Half a dozen questions sprouted in her mind about how he’d been raised verses his current extravagant lifestyle, but she held her tongue. The concentration etched on his brow and the set of his jaw told her he was doing plenty of self-examining all on his own.
Tyne watched as Jasper and four other men helped the teens wheel a flatbed cart from the rear door of the Community Center. A large drum sat securely on the cart. A group of teens, Zach included, lifted the drum and gingerly set it on the grass near the small fire that crackled and flickered against the growing darkness. The game of pahsah?man broke up, the adults laughing and talking as they made their way over to the bonfire.
Five young men formed a tight semi-circle, shoulder to shoulder, and began to pound a beat on the drum while Jasper sang. Two other Elders made their way toward the drumming and took up the chant. The strong harmony carried on the hot summer air, haunting and powerful.
A couple of the teens looked self-conscious, but not Zach. His smile was as broad as his puffed chest, his dark head bobbing with each synchronized strike on the drum.
“He really does fit in up there, you know?” Lucas murmured. “He’s loving it.”
Tyne only nodded silently, thinking the same thing. She’d never seen her son enjoying himself so thoroughly.
The str {="5ed ains for the first song had barely ended when the second began. This one was livelier than the last. One of the drummers waved at a man in the crowd to join him; Zach invited Lucas with a short jerk of his head. Lucas jumped to his feet and jogged over; his shoulder pressed against Zach’s as he took up a knobby stick and thumped the ancient beat.
It was a good scene, a happy scene. But watching father and son bonding around the ceremonial drum filled her with sadness. It also made her doubt every decision she’d ever made as Zach’s mother.
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