Proving Paul's Promise(57)

“Did you meet my friend, Hayley?” I ask.

He nods. Paul keeps trying to catch my eyes with his, but I won’t let him.

“I’m Friday,” I say. I’m your mother, and I love you more than anything, anywhere, anytime. The words rush to my lips, but I bite them back. “What’s your name?”

Jacob runs over to his mother and says something to her. She reaches into the big bag at her feet and takes out a box. She hands it to him, and he runs back over. He never did tell me his name, but that’s okay. I’d rather he have a little stranger danger. And I’m a stranger, after all.

Jacob sits down on the sidewalk and opens his box. He takes out a clunky piece of chalk and says, “Do you want to draw with me?”

I sit down beside him and say, “What color should I use?”

He gives me a blue piece of chalk. “This one.”

So I sit for hours and draw with my son in chalk on the sidewalk. We draw rainbows and dragons, and we even make some flowers for his mom. I look around and see that the sidewalk is completely full of our art. There’s not an available space to be had.

“You’re a really good drawer,” he says. He grins up at me, and I see the space where his missing tooth should be.

“So are you.” I reach out a tentative hand and touch the top of his head. I close my eyes and breathe, letting my hand riffle through the silky strands. I pull back way sooner than I want to because he’s looking at me funny.

I look over and see Paul sitting and talking quietly with Jill. He gets up and yells over to us. “We’re going to get some lunch! We’ll be right back!”

I give him a thumbs-up and get up to chase Hayley and Jacob over to the swings.

“Push me!” Hayley cries.

“Push me!” Jacob calls at the same time. He laughs, and I put my hand in the center of both their backs, standing between them, and give them both a shove.

It’s only a minute or two later when Paul and Jill come back carrying hot dogs and drinks. The kids race to the table. I jam my hands into my pockets and walk over a little more slowly. Paul and Jill sit side by side on one side of the picnic table, and Hayley and Jacob sit on the other.

“Sit beside me!” Hayley cries.

“No, me!” Jacob says. I put my legs over the bench and sit between them, and Paul hands me a hot dog. Jacob scoots so close to me that I can feel his thigh against mine. The heat of his little body seeps into the cold of mine and warms me everywhere. I close my eyes for a moment and just breathe, enjoying the feel of having my living, breathing child pressed into my side.

The kids inhale their hot dogs and are ready to go back and play. Paul gets up with them and follows, leaving me with Jill.

“You don’t look anything like I expected,” she says quietly.

“What did you expect?” I take a bite of my hot dog.

She grins. “Something less colorful.”

I put a hand in front of my mouth and talk around my food. “Color’s not a bad thing.”

She heaves in a sigh. “I expected some washed-up, downtrodden girl who regrets her life. I’m glad that’s not what I found.” She closes her eyes and waits a beat, and then they fly back open. “So glad that’s not what I found.”

“Sometimes, that’s still me.” I look over at Jacob, and he grins in our direction.

“Sometimes, it’s all of us.” She covers my hand with hers. “Can I tell you something no one else knows? Well, except for my husband.”

“Please do.”

“When I was twenty, I got pregnant.”

All the air in my body whooshes out of me, and I choke on my hot dog. I cough into my fist, trying to clear my airway.

Before I can speak, she holds up her hand to stop me. “I had to make a very difficult decision. And I had an abortion. I wasn’t in love with the father, and I didn’t think I could do it on my own.”

“Wow.” I don’t know what else to say.

“What you did took so much strength.” Her eyes fill up with tears, but she blinks them back, waving a hand in her face.

“So did what you did.” I mean that with all my heart.

“We do what we have to do to survive.”

I set my hot dog to the side because I couldn’t swallow it even if I wanted to.

“I thought for a long time that not being able to get pregnant was my punishment for having the abortion.”

I can understand how she might feel that way. But it wasn’t the case. The universe doesn’t work that way.

“Jacob is the best thing that ever could have happened to us. We love him so much.”

I still can’t get over how beautiful he is. He’s standing looking up at Paul with his hands on his hips, and Paul is glaring playfully down at him. I can’t help but grin, too.

“Don’t be too mad at him, okay?” she says. “He loves you so much.”

I nod. I know he does. And I haven’t had enough time to process what he did today.

“I’m sorry we ambushed you.” She looks sincere. But I can tell she’s happy about the way it turned out. I kind of am, too.

“Did he call you?” I ask.

She nods. “Last night, actually.”

After I showed him my box of secrets, he used the information and found her. My gut clenches because I can’t help but feel betrayed.