Protege(90)
His voice was low, the way it often got when he was tense. “And you?”
“They wouldn’t spank me. They just gave me back to the state and that was it. I was never forgiven.”
He sighed and ran his fingers softly down her neck. “Sweet Collette. You were a child and not theirs. It would have been very wrong for them to raise a hand to you.”
“But they wouldn’t have hesitated if I belonged to them.”
“Belonging to someone does not justify corporal punishment, peach. I know it’s done, but it shouldn’t be. There are more effective ways to guide.”
“I never wanted to belong somewhere as much as I wanted to belong to them that day.” She met his gaze, cool tears chilling her cheeks. “Until I met you.”
Cupping her face, he whispered, “I don’t need to punish you with force to forgive you, Collette. I’m just as fallible as anyone else. If you want me to lead you, you have to let me lead in a way that’s natural to me. That will please me more than anything else in this world.”
She saw the pain banked in his eyes, the fear he usually kept veiled. “Is that why she left?”
He swallowed, his gaze darting away for a split second. “She needed something I couldn’t give her, something she lied about needing. She didn’t leave. I let her go.”
Her hand tightened on his thigh. “Don’t let me go, Jude. I know there’s still a lot in this world I need to experience, but I’ve known enough hostility and your gentleness calls to me. You’re so strong and protective, yet so tender and giving. I don’t care about the little details. I care about the person and the connection. So long as we have this connection, I believe we can iron out any kinks.”
“You say my gentleness calls to you, yet you ask me to hurt you, Collette. Do you see the position that places me in?”
“But I trust you. Your authority calls to me too. I know you can be stern, but you won’t slip. You’ll always put my protection first. You know how to take me in hand without letting anything get out of hand. I need that, Jude.”
His fingers traced over hers. He didn’t verbally disagree and she sensed a shift in his opposition, a softening of a wall that had stood between them for so long. Every time she gave a bit of her secrets to him, he seemed to give a little back. She understood this was part of growing together, and perhaps he was experiencing something new as much as she was, every day teaching them how well they fit and how right they were.
She loved the idea of Fernweh, but no calculation would be truer than love. The way he held her, looked into her eyes like he was studying her soul, she saw the love there. If only he would trust her as much as she trusted him.
“Look at how beautiful you are, how loyal and dedicated. It’s an incredible gift you give me. You should be proud of yourself. It’s not easy to surrender the way you do, and you do it so well it seems almost effortless, but I know it’s not. I know how hard you work to make me happy and I appreciate all of it. All of you, peach.”
She nestled his thigh. “I want to please you.”
He tucked her curls behind her ear. “Wants and needs can be so easily confused, peach. Needs are fundamental. Meeting each other’s needs is a requirement for any couple to grow together on an emotional level. I don’t believe you need the pain of a punishment as much as you need the assurance that you’re safe.”
“But you make me feel safe.”
“Does our situation?”
Glancing up at him, she wiped her eyes. “Yes and no. We haven’t discussed our agreement in a while and I know my apprenticeship will eventually end, but . . .” The words caught in her throat. “I don’t want to leave you. It isn’t this place or Fernweh, it’s you, Jude. You.”
“And see . . . you’ve already pleased me. Sometimes words carry more meaning than any physical act, sweetheart. When I forgive you and actually vocalize that forgiveness, there’s no need to question my sincerity. It’s imperative that I only say what I mean and mean what I say, Collette. Just as it’s imperative that you trust my word.”
She nodded. “I guess I have a lot more demons than I thought.”
“We all have demons, peach. It’s a matter of finding the right partner to help us exorcise them.” His fingers gathered her hair, pulling it away from her face in a gentle grip. “Please me now, Collette.”
A sense of rightness slid into the emptiness hollowing her belly as he voiced an achievable command. Grateful for the distraction, she undid his belt and loosened his pants. Her fingers curled around his flesh and stroked softly as he hardened.
“That’s it, my sweet peach.” He brushed her defiant curls away from her face so he could watch her. “Show me how well you meet your Dom’s needs. Open your mouth.”
Her body shivered delightfully at the familiar command. She rose to her knees, opening and taking him deep in her mouth. He guided her neck and shoulders. “Yes, baby, keep doing that. Nice and easy. Deep the way I like it. That’s my peach.”
His touch was gentle, his words tender. There didn’t seem to be the aggressive edge they usually shared when she did this to him, yet she was equally aroused as all the other times.
“You love pleasing me, don’t you, Collette.”
“Oui, mon Monsieur.”