Protecting Her(85)

“There was nothing you could’ve done. She was part of it before you even knew her.”

“But she couldn’t tell me,” he says quietly to himself. “They’re not allowed to tell.”

“Yes. So don’t be mad at her. If she’d told you, her punishment would’ve been severe. And they would have come after you as well. She had no choice but to hide this from you.”

He looks up at me. “So how did she get out? I don’t understand. They don’t let these girls leave. They own them. They own them for life.” He pauses, his expression darkening. “Unless…unless she made some kind of deal with them.” His eyes dart around in sheer panic. “Oh, God, what did she do? What kind of deal could she possibly have—”

“Logan.” I interrupt him before his panic takes over. I didn’t want to tell him this but I don’t have a choice. “It was you.”

“What?” His brows draw together. “What are you talking about?”

“You were the reason they let Shelby go.”

“But how did she—”

“She wasn’t involved. It was me. I made the deal. I offered to recruit you to work at the Clinic in exchange for them letting Shelby go.”

He takes a moment to think, then says, “You put yourself at risk by doing that.”

I nod. “Yes. But it wasn’t completely selfless. In return, you helped my father.”

“That was still a selfless action. Given the way your father treats you I’m surprised you—”

“We all received benefit in some way,” I say, cutting him off.

It’s a topic I don’t care to discuss. I wonder if Logan truly believes I shouldn’t have tried to save my father. I’ve wondered that myself sometimes, when he’s been hateful to me or my family. But I did what I thought was right at the time. And I’m sure Logan would do the same if it were his father who needed help.

“Let’s just put this behind us,” I say, picking up my knife and fork.

“Pearce, no,” he says. “I can’t let this debt go unpaid.”

“There is no debt.” I keep my eyes on my plate as I cut my steak. “It was my decision to make. Neither you, nor Shelby, asked me to do it. You don’t owe me anything.”

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have Shelby and our three beautiful children. I owe you, Pearce. Whatever you need…I’ll do it.”

I look at him. “The only thing I want you to do is to not tell Shelby that you know about her past. She suffered during those years, but you brought her happiness. So don’t take that away from her. She loves you, and the children, and her life. She’s happy now. Just let her be happy.”

He nods, then rubs his forehead. He needs time to process this and get it out of his head.

Our lunch continues and he doesn’t mention another word about Shelby. I hope he listens to me and doesn’t confront her about this. I don’t think he will. He loves Shelby. He’d never want to hurt her. And he has his own secrets to keep. He’s not exactly a saint. Not anymore. The longer you work at the Clinic, the more darkness you’re exposed to. Shelby knows this, and soon Logan will realize that she does. But she doesn’t know all that he does for the Clinic. And he’ll never tell her. He can’t. Because if he did, she’d look at him differently. She’d see a different man.

This is why we must keep that part of our lives separate from the other part. Our Dunamis life is not our real life. Don’t define yourself by what they make you do.

That simple phrase has changed my life and allowed me to hide this from Rachel. It’s been twelve years and she still doesn’t know about that side of my life. And she never will.





On Saturday morning, I take Rachel and Garret out for breakfast at Al’s Pancake House. It’s in a different town than where we live. It’s an old greasy spoon diner, but Rachel and Garret love it. I tolerate it for their sake, but I’d never choose to come here myself. I don’t like pancakes, and almost the entire menu is pancakes. Every kind imaginable.

We’ve been coming here for years. It’s become a tradition on Saturday mornings. Rachel likes traditions. She thinks it’s good for children to have routines that they can look forward to, and Garret definitely looks forward to our Saturday morning trips to Al’s Pancake House.

“I’m getting blueberry this time,” he says, closing his menu.